MySpace Name:Gnatty
DC Superhero Alter-Ego:Hawk Girl
Hair Style: The Winged Weirdo
Stylist: Boeing engineers
Secret Weapon: Starch
Known Allies: Her cats, and the crazy lady who talks to herself in the grocery store parking lot

The Second Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards

How ever did we manage to miss this the first year? Brilliant.

Learn the Alphabet... with Politically Incorrect Flashcards

Send someone special a spatula



"Welcome, one and all, to Spatula City, an entire web site devoted to fufilling the spatula needs of the web community! What's so great about spatulas? Well, for one thing, they make great Christmas gifts, and what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula? Besides, everyone needs spatulas. How many times have you been in a situation that required the aid of a spatula, but alas, none was available? No one should have to go through such anguish.

"This is a great place to present someone with the gift of a spatula! And it's totally FREE! So, what's stopping you? Send a Virtual Spatula to someone today!"

Boredom + internet access = watching facial hair grow



"nowstartabeard.com is an experiment in time-lapse photography to show one year of my life in about 45 seconds (or roughly 365 frames) while performing motions that appear to be somewhat fluid."

Yoo-Hoo fans submit your pics!



"Do you have a super-duper Yoo-hoo collection? Wanna help preserve 'Hoo's history, and be a part of it while you're at it? Well get snapping! We're busy building the ultimate 'Hoo-seum right here on drinkyoo-hoo.com, and we'd love to feature your collection? Got some classic cans or super-rare signage? Maybe some Yogi swag, or old-time commercial? We want it all! We'll feature your pictures, sound and movie files and any other documentation you'd like to send us, and your name will go in the Yoo-hoo Hall of Fame. Sound yummy to you? 'Hoo-ray!"

"Thanks, and have a choco-licious day!"

Fun things to do in Georgia



"A young Georgian wrestler pulled two Ford minibuses tied to his ear and weighing 4.5 tons over a distance of 41 meters and 10 centimeters, in an attempt to make a new entry into the Guinness Book of World Records.

"The two minibuses were chained together and linked to a nylon rope attached to Lasha Pataraia's left ear."

Make sure everyone knows what you're up to online



Via BoingBoing, it's rhinestone internet slang jewelry.

"Braveheart in the Jungle"

FARK picks up on this freeze frame from the new trailer for Mel Gibson's Apocalypto.

At least he's a fun kinda crazy.

As a side note, Libertas is also reporting that Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged is set to film starring.... go ahead take a guess... I'll even take a page from AICN and invisotext it:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

STOP THE MADNESS!

Ricky Gervais Show video podcasts



If you haven't been catching the Gervais Show podcasts and are into that sort of thing, you're missing out. The formula is simple: point a camera at Karl Pilkington, ask some questions, and hilarity ensues. Below is the first, click on the links to see the rest.



Number 2
Number 3
Number 4
Number 5

What comic books would look like if they portrayed men like they do women



Frank Miller's new cover for All-Star Batman and Robin inspired some Canadian to create a series of covers objectifying men in protest.

"[E]ven the occasional Nightwing crotch shot *tries* to have context.

"Obviously, something had to be done. For The Good Of Fandom.

"Luckily, much like Miller, I have no shame."

Thanks for the link, Klevay!

These posts on "the Tom Cruise Reign of PR Terror" over at Go Fug Yourself had me in stitches. Ba-dum-bum!

"I've been attending CivAnon meetings for approximately 18 months now. Partly because I began to get a perverse thrill out of wiping out entire civilizations with atomic intercontinental ballistic weaponry, and partly because they serve cake at the meetings. I like to kill, that's true. But I like cake even more"

Be sure to check out the videos. Credit to Nick "Gandhi puts the Mmmm-hot in Mahatma" Slepko.

When the people rule the markets



Via The Presurfer: "If it sells, eBay has a category for it. If you're familiar with eBay, you know there's a category called 'weird stuff.' Way Out Auctions, founded by Nick Puopolo and Sarah Hughes, is a web log featuring all the weird, odd and strange goings on over at eBay and other online auction sites."

Misguided charity



Via DoL: "Tyler Cowen of MR alerts us to this abstract:

"'Of 174 patients with injuries of varying severity, 94% were first-time charity-parachutists. The injury rate in charity-parachutists was 11% at an average cost of £3751 per casualty. Sixty-three percent of casualties who were charity-parachutists required hospital admission, representing a serious injury rate of 7%, at an average cost of £5781 per patient. The amount raised per person for charity was £30. Each pound raised for charity cost the NHS £13.75 in return.

"'Parachuting for charity costs more money than it raises, carries a high risk of serious personal injury and places a significant burden on health resources.'

"This loss associated with charity brings to mind Smith's famous quote, 'I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the publick good.'"

"Jeff Ely directs my attention to this example; buy and drink some water, so that Starbucks will donate money to address the water shortage (in other countries)."

Steve from The Sneeze reviews tough cookie jars



"I saw a Batman cookie jar the other day, and I know he'd be embarrassed by it.

"Where exactly does 'cookie jar' fit in with his war on evil in the name of his murdered parents? I'm not sure. (Although, I wouldn't blink an eye at a Robin the Boy Wonder jar filled to the top with lady fingers.)

"There's tons of inappropriate merchandising and tie-ins out there, but it's the ones that bring together tough guys and pussy-ish items that are my favorites. And ironically, as much as cookies kick ass, they just aren't 'tough.' I don't care how huge you are, or how deep your voice is--you can't intimidate me saying, 'Gimme another snickerdoodle.'

"Even the word 'cookie' itself isn't helping. If words went to school, 'cookie' would have its head shoved in a toilet at least twice a week. In between Purple Nurples.

"Despite all of this, I've learned there's a whole world of tough cookie jars out there. And these are just a few..."

All rolled up and raring to go...



"'Rolled-up jeans are the latest scream among teenyboppers, even the elderly. In fact, folding them up is the easiest way to wrap up the hearts of forlorn guys. They are comfortable and simply look chic. No doubt about it,' asserts Zahira Kapoor, a young fashion designer running a garment house.

"Explaining the trend, socio-psychologist Nainika Sharma says, 'So many girls here-a-days believe it is absolutely essential to display toned up body for revealing a mod’ attitude. If they can’t wear skirts, some of them roll up the jeans.... They are so divorced from reality. Well, that’s another story.'"

Lordi!

They have eight-foot retractable latex Satan wings, sing hits like "Chainsaw Buffet" and blow up slabs of smoking meat on stage. So members of the band Lordi expected a reaction when they beat a crooner of love ballads to represent Finland at the Eurovision song contest in Athens, the competition that was the springboard for Abba and Celine Dion.

But the heavy-metal monster band did not imagine a national identity crisis.

First, Finnish religious leaders warned that the Freddy Krueger look-alikes could inspire Satanic worship. Then critics called for President Tarja Halonen to use her constitutional powers to veto the band and nominate a traditional Finnish folk singer instead. Rumors even circulated that Lordi members were agents sent by President Vladimir V. Putin to destabilize Finland before a Russian coup — an explanation for their refusal to take off their freakish masks in public.

The fury also spread in Greece, winner of last year's Eurovision and therefore the host of this year's contest, where an anti-Lordi movement called Hellenes urged the Finnish government "to say 'no' to this evil group." One young Finn calling himself Suomi (Finland in Finnish) wrote to a newspaper Web log saying, "If Lordi wins Eurovision, I am leaving the country."

Now I know why I went through that metal phase in high school. It's all in the genes.

Eat this, atheists



Via M&C: Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron team up to show us how the perfect design of the banana gives atheists nightmares.

Time to take your coin trickery to the next level



After studying Kainoa Harbottle's "comb-bound pages of secrets featuring painstakingly posed, black and white photographs fresh from the underground," you will have mastered the following amazing tricks:

- Another Flipping Three-Fly
- Sneeze Guard
- Flurious Four
- Pendulum Hanging Coins I and II
- Delayed Expectations
- The Action Steal
- X for X X-Change
- Edge Grip to Edge Grip Transfer
- Edge Grip to Curl Palm Transfer
- Drop Transfer
- Drag Transfer
- Edge Flip Steal

Just to name a few.

Credit: Klevay.

Where are they now?



Recognize the guy on the right? You'll probably wish you hadn't.

via Ultimate Insult

A Honda viral and its vastly superb parody courtesy of 118118.

"A robot chair that can blow itself up, then put itself back together. The most useless robot in the history of robots."

And IMHO, its soundtrack is lacking.

Everything tastes better with bacon



At IHeartBacon.com you can catch up on all the latest bacon news, review bacon ratings, and get hot links to sites such as Bacon Robots.

Thanks for the tip, Brian!

Watch the grass grow



From the Presurfer: Ever wondered what life would look like from the perspective of a cow? MooTube lets you find out.

Shy bladder?

"[I]n a time of routine urine tests for inmates, those on probation and job applicants, anxiety and bladders betray some people. Few of them have any recourse.

"[A]n estimated 17 million nationwide who suffer from shy bladder syndrome, a mental condition marked by difficulty or inability to urinate in front of others.

"People with shy bladder seldom get a diagnosis, experts said, and they often are greeted by snickers, disbelief and disinterest.

"Few people know of the condition, called paruresis, and it gets little respect from courts, administrators or employers, said professor Steven Soifer, founder of the International Paruresis Association in Baltimore."

How to make blueberry and poppyseed muffins cry



Breakfast will never be the same once you add ground beef muffins to your regular rotation.

Indulge with a facial peel



"My goal was to make realistic looking dead skin. I've seen some photos -- without the flesh to go behind it, skin is fairly greasy and translucent.

"If you already have heads laying around the house, like I do (doesn't everybody?), you can take your time and make some nice rubber molds."

Stink up the capitalist conspiracy



Why Capitalists Want To Sell You Deodorant

"1. Body smells are erotic and sensual. Capitalists don't like that because they are impotent and opposed to all manifestations of sensuality and sexuality. Sexually-awakened people are potentially dangerous to capitalists and their rigid, asexual system.

"2. Body smells remind us that we are animals. Capitalists don't want to be reminded of that. Animals are dirty. They eat things off the ground. They are openly sexual. They don't wear tuxedos or corsets or have their hair done.

"3. Body smells are unique. Everyone has her own body smell. Capitalists don't like individuality. There are millions of body smells but only a few deodorant smells. Capitalists like that.

"4. Deodorants are harmful. Many capitalists like that because they are always looking for new illnesses to cure. Capitalists love to invent new medicines. Medicines make money for them and win them prizes. They also cause new illnesses so that they can invent even more medicines.

"5. Deodorants cost you money. Capitalists are especially pleased about that.

"6. Deodorants hide the damage that capitalists' products cause to your body. Eating meat and other body pollutants sold by capitalists makes you smell. Wearing pantyhose makes you smell. Capitalists don't want you to stop wearing pantyhose or eating body pollutants.

"7. Deodorant-users are insecure. Capitalists like insecure people. Insecure people don't start trouble. Insecure people also buy room freshners, hair conditioners, and makeup.

"8. Deodorants are unnecessary. Capitalists are very proud of that and they win marketing awards for it."

Support the troops



The helpful folks at The Elk Shop have prepared the following packages:

"A Soldier's Elk Meat Gift Box and A Soldier's Gift Box feature the easiest of our products to ship to soldiers stationed in Iraq, Afghanistan or other parts of the world."

As they explain, "It's hard to beat the taste of elk."

You can also enjoy combining the flavors of meat and pickles at home thanks to this Pickled Stuffed Meatloaf recipe from ILovePickles.org:



"Sandwich-cut pickles aren't just for layering between bread. Here, they are used in meatloaf. Tomato slices, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese provide color and flavor accents."

Tank Chair

They say it's the sincerest form of flattery...


Air Arabia has adopted some faux-South Park characters in their new marketing campaign. Man, the marketing department is soooo getting beheaded...

New shirt design



This addition to the Flair Wear store may be the best one yet. Perfect for any occasion, such as when I:

- repost links you posted months ago
- delete your comments
- don't comment on your posts
- don't return your emails in a timely fashion
- turn down your lunch invitation
- turn down your wedding invitation
- fail to adequately explain/defend something you care about
- move to another state (or don't)
- tell you it's "great" that you own a beret
- let someone you don't like borrow your comic books
- stop talking to you after you accuse me of seducing your girlfriend
- start dating your ex-girlfriend while you're away in Germany
- or, worst of all, when I suggest that you consider renaming your very serious blog something like "Mac 'n' Cheese."

There are, of course, probably plenty of other good possibilities that I've failed to mention. No matter the cause, don't just be angry, wear your anger!

By the way, thanks to Mac for the great quote!

Congrats to Gilbert Gottfried



"Comedian Gilbert Gottfried, the voice of the Aflac Inc. duck in television commercials for the insurer, was crowned 'unsexiest man in the world' by an alternative newspaper on Tuesday.

"'The parrot-voiced, pickle-faced comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman,' The Boston Phoenix wrote.

"New York Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson came in second followed by film critic Roger Ebert, television psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw and Fox television co-host Alan Colmes."

Wichita loves a good millipede



"The acclaimed outdoor sculpture garden at Wichita State University is about to grow -- by a millipede.

"To be exact, a 20-foot-long, 5-foot-wide and 4-foot-tall millipede, wearing a bowler hat and little round shoes on its many feet.

"The university has commissioned internationally known sculptor Tom Otterness, a former Wichitan, to create the work to be installed in 2008.

"'To me this millipede is more the kind of thing that Tom is famous for,' Butler said. 'It is a little weird, it's cute, and it's a little threatening, this giant bug that could eat you -- but it's also wearing little shoes and a bowler hat. It's whimsical and frightening at the same time.'"

Thoughts on the trinity



"I came up with the following theory about the Trinity over a few low-calorie beers. Someone referred to God as a woman and I stated that I, personally, felt called to refer to God as the great Vagina in the Sky. That didn't seem quite right, though. So as I thought for a moment the theory solidified in my mind and I spoke what will become the greatest piece of theology of our time. God is the Great Uterus...center of all of life and creation. Jesus is the Great Vagina, no man can get through God without going through Jesus first. And the Holy Spirit is of course the Great Clitoris, center of ecstatic spiritual experience."

"At this point, some guy in the pub turns to me and says 'So if the analogy follows...in order to perform effective worship, one should focus on the Holy Spirit?'"

"What a wise, wise man."

Bake with Hillary Clinton



Why separate your eggs the boring old way when you can do so with a famous U.S. Senator?

Isn't it time you treated yourself to a communist propaganda portrait?



Via M&C: "The painting above is an example of a realization featuring our comrade Pierre Budestschu. He was quite satisfied with the result, as he gained a lot in both muscles and suntan. Have a closer look at it and note the quality of the artistic work. The reproduction is faithful to the original and Pierre's face 'fits' perfectly. You could almost mistake him for this Model Peasant who 'works hard to obtain a bumper harvest.'"

"Now it's your turn to be an authentic Socialist Hero."

The Littlest Lawnmower



Growing up, I would occasionally resort to watching The Littlest Hobo when Thundercats was not available. The Littlest Hobo was a cheaply-produced Canadian program about a drifter dog who helped people in need as he traveled from town to town.

Anyway, as I was about to fall asleep the other night, it occurred to me that it's been too long since someone made a version of this show. How could we update it to capture the jaded youth of today's culture?

Then it hit me - swap the dog for a lawnmower. Brilliant! The lonely lawnmower rides off into the sunset at the end of every episode, having just kept some ne'er-do-wells from destroying another happy family.

I thought this was too good of an idea not to share, just in case someone out there has studio connections and can make it happen. Like the Curies refusing to patent the process for extracting radium, I am passing on the opportunity to profit from this concept in the interest of bettering humanity. You're welcome, humanity.

I try not to simply post all the wonderful new things I learn from PennFreeFM each day, but this one is too good to pass up: Trace Adkin's Honkeytonk Badonkadonk (lyrics)

Two wrongs is oh so right.....

A certain PoF reader who has a Care Bear obsession sends this along with the admonishment "Even I think this guy's a loser..."


Fan Spotlight: Kenneth Williamson (Major Ursa)

Q. What is it about Rainbow Brite that you love so much?

A. That is a tough question. For me there is no one right answer. It could be that she's a girl that came right out of the future (judging by her outfit). That she is willing to make friend even if they don't start out right. It could be how she can stand up to those more powerful than her and turn the tables on them with the power of the Rainbow and her color belt.
There are many possible answers.


Q. How does Rainbow Brite fit into your adult world?

A. It all starts with writing the fan fic on the Rainbow Brite.net forums. It allowed me to express my own fantasy episodes of the show that I had even back when it first started. Offline, I tend to use the characters in my You Don't Know Jack game. The most fun I ever had was having the main male characters race me, my fan fic character, and the superstars of Nascar on two of my Nascar Computer games (I'm also a big Nascar fan as well).

This coincided nicely with Todd's counter-protest: C is for Cookie

My Penn-worship just kicked up a notch today as I listened to him explain just how incredibly lame David Blaine is.

2006 Pieces of Flair Robot-Song-Off winner announced!

It's official - congratulations to Lesley Braden (see below middle) of Sequin Socks! Her song, "Gears of Fire," was the clear winner!



Sequin Socks is musician/producer Braden's latest musical project. Out of Seattle, Braden tries her best to bring together pop music and obscure influences to create a style of music that is catchy and danceable, as well as appealing to those who listen to music more cerebrally. Sequin Socks gleans the good out of the cheesy bad music from the 1970’s, 80’s, and 90’s and places that into a modern music format. Braden uses her recording studio as a musical instrument, writing songs while simultaneously recording and mixing them. With this technique, she feels that sound qualities and the way that different sounds interact become as important to a song as the chord changes and the melody.

In the past, Braden has played in rock bands, produced albums, studied ethnomusicology, and released ambient music under the name Stars and Information Forever. Sequin Socks is a new musical incarnation that will, hopefully, reach a much wider audience. Braden is planning to see a full-length Sequin Socks LP finished by the end of the summer and to start playing shows to support the album and secure distribution of the album beyond Seattle. To keep up to date on information, visit www.sequinsocks.com or go to www.myspace.com/sequinsocksband.

Not only does she get to hold the title of 2006 Pieces of Flair Robot-Song-Off winner, but she gets to take home a lovely prize package including Nihilist Gum, a plush Cthulhu, a Toothpaste for Dinner t-shirt and other amazing items highlighted on Pieces of Flair. AWESOME!



KEv and Victor Lams tied for second place with "Robot Voice - Revolution" and "A Robot Overcompensates," respectively.

Honorable mentions go out to Mr. Miro's "Tiny Robots" and "Robot Discotheque" by xoxos.

Thanks to all that participated! If you missed the songs, here they all are once more:

Entry #1: "Gears of Fire" by Sequin Socks
Creator Lesley Braden describes the tune as "a song about forbidden robot love, the longing of love by a robot who knows its function in life is only to serve another, not to satisfy its own emotional needs."

Entry #2: "Robodance" by Sonic Love
Jojo explains that the song is "about an elderly robot acting tough."

Entry #3: "My Robot" by Duncan Parsons
Duncan says that "It's about a chap's relationship with his plastic pal who's fun to be with."

Entry #4: "Dancing Machine" by Let's Audio
"Parappa the Rapper" lead artist Rodney Greenblat tells us that "my friend Abby Denson and I made [this] nice robot disco song in 2001 for our CD - LET'S AUDIO."

Entry #5: "Robot Voice - Revolution" by Elektroniqa
According to the website, songwriter KEv says that he is "Lucky to be able to practice my art - music is a big part of my life. To be able to share it with you - an even greater gift."

Entry #6: "A Robot Overcompensates" by Victor Lams
Victor explains that "This song is about a Motoman PX800 Painting & Coating Robot who is kind of a jerk."

Entry #7: "Tiny Robots" by Mr. Miro
The song that begged for a Robot-Song-Off! Mr. Miro tells us that Tiny Robots "is a quick stab at the more obvious flaws" of Lutheran theologian Ted Peters' account of free will in the book Playing God?.

Entry #8: "sparks fly" by Wildchurch
Knockman says that this is "a ditty written from the perspective of a robot in love - a kind of synthetic chanson."

Entry #9: "Robot Discotheque" by xoxos
According to xoxos, this is "a popular-format song."

Say goodbye to the smell of popcorn and nachos



"Movie fans bored with hi-tech sound effects and graphics will soon be able to experience cinematic smells after a Japanese film distributor announced it is showing the world's first fragrant films.

"Shochiku Co. said it would release 'The New World,' a historical drama starring Colin Farrell about the colonisation of New England, at two cinemas on Saturday with the newly developed computerised fragrance system.

"'We hope our viewers will enjoy not only the great scenes, but hear and smell the movie.'"

Company spokespeople further commented that they are particularly excited about their success in capturing the scent of Colin Farrell after a long sea voyage and are looking forward to audience reactions.

Heart of Darkness



Ruthless Reviews founder Erich Schulte goes on a journey few others would be brave enough to undertake:

"This journal will chronicle drunken observations and insights as I make my way through my the Knight Rider, season one DVD set -- my Walden if you will."

Celebrate Easter Monday with a good dousing



Fans of Easter are missing out if the fun stops on Sunday:

"In Poland, traditionally, boys will awaken girls early in the morning and douse them with water and strike them about the legs with long thin twigs made from willow, birch or decorated tree branches.

"In the Czech Republic, instead of splashing water, a special handmade whip called pomlázka is used on females in the morning. The boys usually accompany the whipping with a special Easter carol and then are given a decorated hard-boiled egg (or possibly a snifter of liquor). In the afternoon, females can douse males with cold water.

"In the United States, Dyngus Day celebrations are widespread and popular in Buffalo, New York and South Bend, Indiana. In Buffalo's eastern suburbs, Dyngus Day is celebrated with a level of enthusiasm that rivals St. Patrick's Day. In South Bend, the day is often used to launch the year's political campaign - often from within a local pub, where buying drinks is favored over handshaking.

"For Easter Monday in Hungary, perfume or perfumed-water is used. The girls would reward the boys who sprinkle with coins or Easter eggs."

Happy (somewhat late) Easter everybody! I got nothin' but love for PoF-readers, but unfortunately, the Easter Bunny hates you (and he really hates Patrick Hughes).

Rodney Brooks is on the edge of his seat



This just in...Rodney Brooks, Panasonic Professor of Robotics and Director, MIT Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Lab, tells PoF regarding the Robot-Song-Off that "I look forward to hearing who wins."

We couldn't agree more.