Hello Kitty Contacts

via Hello Kitty Hell

Sleeveface

Sleeveface is the art of “one or more persons obscurings or augmenting any part of the body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.”

Via Presurfer.

Orangina Hates You

I blame France for many things, but I never knew "encouraging furries" was on the list.

Thrift Shop Horrors

A blog devoted to the most disturbing thrift shop finds.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Your friends at PoF (with a little help from the Columbia Broadcasting System).

Science tattoos

Via the Presurfer: Not ready for a webcomic tattoo of Mr. Miro? Perhaps you can ease into the tat lifestyle with the help of science.

"On my blog, The Loom, I asked whether scientists wear many tattoos of their science. The answer was yes."

Why No One Wishes PETA a Merry Anything

Send a Michael Vick Holiday Snow Globe to your nearest and dearest courtesy of those merchants of merriment and good-sheer, PETA.
Via Hit and Run.

Incidentally, only PETA's campaign against the Olsen twins has actually succeeded in the nearly impossible feat of making me sympathize with them. Way to go PETA.

The Dean and Company Christmas Special

This gem comes from Tom, who is fortunate enough to drink from the same city water supply as the people featured in the video:

"This particular atrocity is homegrown. Dean & Company is produced by a local Birmingham family with too much money and time on their hands. Keep in mind that this travesty continues to be perpetrated on the good people of Birmingham...you won't be able to look away as the trainwreck unfolds."

Movie Rumors: Real Genius Sequel in the Making

"It looks like Val Kilmer will be Chris Knight once again! Kilmer has reportedly signed on to star in a sequel to the 1985 comedy, 'Real Genius'."

I can't decide if I love or hate this idea.

Soccer star pens Nietzsche tome

Chester City Midfielder Craig Dove has more than football on his mind. In an as of yet unreleased work apparently co-authored with Friedrich Nietzsche, Dove offers to guide us down the corridors of Nietzsche's most central ideas. For a mere $82, you can pre-order your copy now!

Congrats, Craig!

Handsoap

Via Geekologie: "this is actual soap. shaped like little hands! each ‘hand’ is carefully hand made & packaged just for you. each set is slightly different with different hand-shapes & skin-ish colors. wash your hands with hands. really quite lovely! (& a little creepy)"

Freaky Ads

AdFreak is looking for the freakiest ad of 2007 and is slowly whittling down the list. There is no shortage of contenders.

When Philosophers Attack

Everything has a purpose

According to one reviewer: "Of all the movies I've seen about sensitive, talking excrement, this is the best." Get your copy today.

Making cows pass kangaroo gas

Via DoL: "Australian scientists are trying to give kangaroo-style stomachs to cattle and sheep in a bid to cut the emission of greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, researchers say. Thanks to special bacteria in their stomachs, kangaroo flatulence contains no methane and scientists want to transfer that bacteria to cattle and sheep who emit large quantities of the harmful gas."

Not everyone agrees that bacteria transfer is the simplest option. Instead, they suggest just eating kangaroos instead of cows.

Tractor Fight!!!

Unlikely Pop-Up Books

From the Something Awful forums.

Competition for Pandora?

Via the WSJ: "The new Slacker players will come in three models, ranging from $200 to $300, depending on capacity. But the music they play will be absolutely free, contained in preprogrammed Internet radio stations instead of individually selected songs and albums. The stations will be automatically refreshed with new tunes via a wireless connection built right into the device. You'll have to be near a hot spot for these updates. But you won't need a hot spot just to hear your music, because the songs are cached on the device. And you'll never have to plug it into a computer.

"The player is tied to Slacker's free Internet radio service, slacker.com, which is already up and running, and allows you to listen to music via any standard Windows or Mac Web browser. Using the service, you can personalize your player by selecting from over 100 canned stations or by creating stations based around any of 10,000 artists. These stations will be beamed to your player wirelessly. You can even choose which stations are loaded onto your player before the company ships it to you."

Don't eat the pink snow

"The snow even has a fresh watermelon scent and is sometimes called 'watermelon snow.' Walking in pink snow often results in a temporary discoloration of your clothing, such as bright red soles and pinkish pant cuffs. There are unconfirmed reports that consuming 'generous quantities' of pink snow may cause diarrhea, a rather distressing situation above timberline."

Time for a celebrity endorser kickboxing match

Apparently, Chuck Norris announced his endorsement of GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Following on the heels of Oprah's endorsement of Obama and Streisand's endorsement of Clinton, it seems only fitting that some sort of endorser cage match be arranged. Will Drew Carey enter the fray for Ron Paul? More importantly, which candidate will secure the endorsement of Royce Gracie?

Alternative Christian Products for the Saved and Unsaved Alike

For all our Div. School readers: this site will pretty much take care of all your holiday shopping needs.

Kitty Wigs

I think furries might be less disturbing.

Technoviking

Via The Presurfer: Teach for America alum Marty Mudd takes a stroll down Cherry Street in Helena, Arkansas.

Victory!

The Colorado Supreme Court issued a favorable ruling in Cornerstone v. Wheat Ridge Urban Renewal Authority today. The credit for the amicus brief really goes to Tim, but this makes me feel like getting that law license was all worthwhile.

Tesla Xmas Tree

I am in UR living room, frying UR Santa.

More Ron Paul Hotness

I just got canvassed by Ron Paul supporters. They asked if I would consider being a district delegate. It's very tempting...

Tune in next week for the liberty orgy.

Things I've Never Thought Of...

One little tow hitch, so many options. How can one possibly choose between expressing political beliefs, stashing a key, attaching obnoxious animatronics, installing a handy bottle opener, or mounting a giant flatscreen? Thankfully, my current lack of a tow hitch saves me from having to make such difficult choices.

30 Brilliantly Timed Sports Photos

Some great pics.

Jesus wants your colon cleansed

"Our mission at Hallelujah Acres is to teach people the world over about God’s natural laws for healing and health."

Apparently, these laws include using "a gelatinous bulk [to] sweep the colon clean of putrefied feces." Thankfully, Hallelujah Acres stepped forward with the Fiber Cleanse supplement.

Can you think of anything better to do after Thanksgiving?

Reno rocks

If you missed your chance to get the Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate CD, not to worry. You can console yourself by snagging Janet Reno's box set:

"Though Reno, 69, is slowed these days by Parkinson's disease, she was forceful and passionate when she spoke to The Associated Press about 'Song of America,' which has been about a decade in the making.

"Through 50 songs, reinterpreted by artists including John Mellencamp, the Black Crowes, Martha Wainwright and Devendra Banhart, the story of America and the different challenges it has faced, from war to racism to the Depression, is retold for today's audiences."

Credit: Tom

Felten book now out

"How's Your Drink?" columnist Eric Felten has a new book out just in time for the holidays. Here's an excerpt:

"Recommending good things to drink is an enterprise fraught with moral peril. Encourage folks to try a cocktail, and there are sure to be some among them who will like it altogether too much.

"A good drink, though not without risk, can be eminently livable. Alcohol is no doubt a drug, but in moderation it is a very social one. It primes the conversational pump; it nudges the shy from the bonds of their awkwardness; it midwives romance; it concludes treaties. Firewater, like fire, can be awesomely destructive; learning to marshal the power of both is a hallmark of civilization.

"A proper cocktail is one that connects us with each other even more than it connects us with the past. At its best, a good drink is a sort of secular communion, a cup of fellowship."

Samwell - What What (In the Butt)

"Samwell said in an interview with KROQ-FM that the opening image is "not a cross, but a flaming symbol that [he] just happened to use," but according to Giorgio, "[Samwell] wanted it because he's a Christian but he doesn't do Christian morality. For him having a burning cross is a way to pay respect to his beliefs." It is followed by sighing lips superimposed on a chocolate heart, which quickly morphs into a chocolate star, a reference to the anal cavity. The purpose of the glossy mouth is to attract attention."

Seven Wonders of the Totalitarian World

Is that the Legion of Doom lurking in the background? And why are the guards standing in phone booths?
An interesting round-up by Esquire.

via HitAndRun

The Beard Cap

I think everyone should wear one this holiday season.

Nota Bene?

"Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with [Tom Tancredo] on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man."

The dark underbelly of capitalism

Via the Washington Post: "A kids' book doesn't sound like the seed of a multimillion-dollar enterprise, even if it is about the HokieBird, the much-loved mascot for Virginia Tech University.

"It was a simple tale of the HokieBird visiting the main sites on campus, saying hello to everyone, then going home and going to bed. Naren thought every parent who'd graduated from Tech would want one for his little one.

"This year, Mascot Books will have 70 titles, including its first books for NFL football teams. Aimee has created a proprietary character named Cort the Sport, who will be in a series of titles on good sportsmanship. Revenue this year is projected to reach $4 million."

According to a reviewer of Howdy Reveille!, "I'm happy with it because it got my niece to say 'Gig 'Em' and 'Reveille.'"

Nota Bene

My friend, Bretigne, sums up what its like to be an otherwise completely jaded nonvoter now fervently supporting Ron Paul quite nicely:

Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with Dr. Paul on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man.

Pen spinning!

Via A.R.T.: "Pen spinning is a form of contact juggling that involves the deft manipulation of a writing instrument with one's hands. Although it is often considered a form of self-entertainment (usually in a school/office setting), multinational competitions and meetings are often held."

Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate Music CD

At only $9.00 a pop, you can do all your Christmas shopping in one fell swoop!

"The Ultimate Music CD is a CD-R which contains 109 mp3 files (320kbps.) It includes 5 full albums, as well as b-sides, and instrumental versions of numerous tracks. I wrote, performed, arranged, and mixed all of these songs myself.

"This is the only place you can get 'Comb Your Beard', 'Charles Has A Licking Problem', and all the other music I've released via YouTube videos in the past year.

"THESE SONGS WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED AGAIN AFTER THE ULTIMATE MUSIC CD IS SOLD OUT. This CD is only being released to ensure that the last six years' worth of music I've recorded will be available directly from me in high-quality format, one last time, for those who want to hear it. I'm done thinking about my old bands and want to give them a proper last release before forgetting about them forever."

Too many ho's

"Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional 'ho ho ho' greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

"Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported."

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

A blog that needs no more explanation beyond its title.

Via Cynical C

Drew responds to Meredith

Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

Model prisoners

PoF News - 2007 marks the 10-year anniversary of Seattle-based bra manufacturer Decent Exposure's innovative partnership with the Washington State Department of Corrections. Offenders staying at the Helen B. Ratcliff Work Release site are given the opportunity to consider a successful transition back to the community through a career in modeling. As the above photo illustrates, the program is meeting or exceeding the community's expectations.

Do you speak Hopelandic?

"[Sigur Ros] front man Jon Birgisson usually sings in one of two languages: Icelandic or 'Hopelandic,' a gibberish he made up that lacks vocabulary and grammar. It's unclear if any of these songs are in Hopelandic, since I don't speak Icelandic; it's all a bit nonsensical to my ear."

In the mood for nonsense? Check out "Hvarf/Heim."

Everything you always wanted to know about rennet*

*but were afraid to ask.

Thanks to Dr. Fankhauser, you can find what you've been looking for:

"Presumably, the first cheese was produced by accident when the ancients stored milk in a bag made from the stomach of a young goat, sheep or cow. They found that the day-old milk would curdle in the bag (stomach), yielding solid chunks (curds) and liquid (whey). Once they discovered that the curd-chunks could be separated out and dried, they had discovered a means by which milk, an extremely perishable food, could be preserved for later use. The addition of salt was found to preserve these dried curds for long periods of time.

"At some point, someone discovered that the most active portion of the young animal's stomach to cause curdling was the abomasum, the last of the four chambers of the stomach of a ruminant animal. (In sequence, the four chambers are rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum.) In particular, the abomasum from a suckling kid or calf was especially active. The abomasum was cut it into strips, salted and dried. A small piece would be added to milk in order to turn it into curds and whey."

Too good to be true

You've probably been a big fan of end times prophet Salem Kirban for a while now. But who can afford access to all of his great materials? The novel 666, for instance (from which the above photo is taken), was called by one reviewer "Possibly the Worst Book Ever Written." Well, now you're in luck. For a limited time, Kirban is offering a fantastic package deal:

"I WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU A generous ASSORTMENT of both my Mini-Books and Newsletters both on Bible prophecy and Alternative health...a $25 value...FREE!

"To receive my free assortment of Mini-Books and Future Events Newsletters... Just send $3 to partially cover shipping costs.

"Respond in the next 5 days... and we will include an extra surprise!"

Reader Poll

So... since I gave Ron Paul a campaign donation today, do you think he'll accept my invitation to be LinkedIn or am I still only at MySpace friend status?

/still can't believe I just donated money to a political candidate

If Frank Miller wrote American history

Honeycrisp time

Monoculture farming has gotten a lot of bad press of late, but I'm guessing its detractors haven't had the pleasure of eating a Honeycrisp apple. The experience is enough to make a convert of any holdout.

Sure, in the era of cider mill fodder such as Jonagolds and McIntoshes, it made sense to seek out the occasional Braeburn or Pink Lady to spice things up, but the arrival of the Honeycrisp signals the dawn of a new golden age of apple eating delight. Hand over that Red Delicious, pal, you've suffered enough.

Dracthulhu

Celebrate Halloween with a limited edition Dracula Cthulhu plush, from the folks that brought you the Cthulhu Christmas Wreath and fanny pack.

Paul Newman on tossing salads

Not since the T. Rowe Price family goatse has a product aimed at a family audience so undermined family values:

From the back of the bottle of "Newman's Own Family Recipe Italian" dressing comes an intriguing tale of the dressing recipe's origins: "After 10 years of intermittent salad-tossing and some cross-dressing, Cardinal Newmanelli the Just brought the warring factions to the table and mediated a salad dressing combining the best features of both."

I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

Are you having a laugh?

People magazine is not usually known for its investigative reporting, but the cover of this recent issue seems to indicate a new commitment to revealing the truth - at least about George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey.

Honktastic

No doubt in an effort to improve property values, one of my neighbors recently installed a "Dukes of Hazzard" car horn on his monster truck. I now have the pleasure of hearing the familiar ditty each time he pulls into or out of his driveway.

This got me thinking - if I wanted to show some solidarity, where could I pick up a novelty car horn of my very own? Thankfully, there's the internet. Now all I have to do is choose a song everyone in the neighborhood will appreciate. It's tough, but I'm trying to decide between the Macarena or Hava Nagila.

Pizza party

Steve from the Sneeze finds out what happens when you order a pizza with nothing but beef pellets:

"Regardless of your feelings about Domino's, the fact that you can order it online without having to talk to a human being is fantastic.

"But I also love the amount of control they give you. Beyond choosing your crust, each topping comes with your choice of 'light,' 'normal,' or 'heavy.' Just like tampons. (Am I right, ladies?)

"But what I've become obsessed with is that when you only want a particular topping on half of your pizza, they make you specify WHICH HALF. LEFT or RIGHT.

"They also offer a 'NONE' option on all toppings. It's even available on the 'CHEESE' and 'SAUCE' rows -- so just to be a dick, I also ordered a 6-inch individual 'NONE' pizza with BEEF (on the left).

"[T]he little beef pellets didn't have any sauce or cheese to hang on to, so a few lost their footing from the left half.

"Unfortunately it was too late for me to call and request that someone come back to my house to rotate the pizzas and re-position my beef pellets."

What's Victor Been Up To Lately?

Makin a little ditty known as Fat Camp Lap Dance.

Eyeball Tattooing

“It’s one of the oldest forms of tattooing,” says Shannon. “There are medical reports on it from that era that are all positive. They basically say it’s safer than regular tattooing. That’s one reason we felt fairly secure moving forward with this – we felt that if they could do it in 1900 and not have any problems then we should be able to do it now.”

And it’s also done on unsighted eyes reasonably often; it’s not uncommon for people who are blind or have various deformities in their iris to have a doctor touch it up with a tattoo.

Become a global loan shark

Via Smithsonian: "Matt Flannery, 30, co-founded the non-profit Kiva.org, a microlending site, in 2004. Kiva operates on a people-to-people model, allowing private individuals to make loans to borrowers seeking to establish small businesses in developing countries."

One common concern among lenders is whether Bono will launch a Kiva-Jubilee campaign right after they send 25 bucks to Tajikistan.

Girly Man!

Here's a little Halloween preview. Don't ask why it's awesome, it just is.
Via Cynical C (and some collection of Thriller videos promoting a world-wide Thriller dance attempt on October 27.

Tired of Being Pasty? Get a Racelift!

 
Before                After

Just trying to blend in.

Francois Muhammed Al-Deayea

We are a group of Ivy League trained professionals specializing in (F.A.T.) Face Altering Technologies.

At IERM, we know how important it is to you that your RACELIFT looks and feels real. We understand both the physicial and psychological concerns of getting a RACELIFT and offer a supportive environment in which you and your loved ones can comfortably explore your new ethnic group.

IERM not only unifies the accelerated advancements in science and technology but also explores the inherent human desire to improve one's quality of life.

Ministry of oblivion

PoF News - During the heyday of the Social Gospel era, it is a little known fact that a small congregation in upstate New York chose a different path than advocating temperance. Believing they were called to fulfill Scripture, the church focused its mission on the Biblical foundation of Proverbs 31:6-7:

"Give strong drink to one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress;
let them drink and forget their poverty, and remember their misery no more."

Sadly, after the members began to grow miserable in the face of their overwhelming task they increasingly took up their own remedy and the movement faded into obscurity. Can we yet usher in The Christian Century through similar means? Fire up the stills!

Thanks for the inspiration, Craig.

Isis pays tribute to Madonna

Isis fans should be pleased to hear that the band is set to release a new box set in honor of their 10-year anniversary. Fans might be surprised to discover, however, the influence the Queen of Pop has had on the band.

Thanks to lead singer Aaron Turner's new art blog, Feral Pig, it's possible to get a taste of the artwork for the upcoming set. It seems there is a clear, although subtle, nod to Madonna's "Immaculate Collection":

I Wonder What Susan Powter Had for Breakfast...

66 Celebrities that blog. Who knew so many of them were literate?