Hummer Humpers

I know there are some odd fetishes out there folks, but this is getting ridiculous: IHumpedYourHummer.com

Related: HummerArt and FUH2

Hedgehog Man

Spot on parody of Grizzly Man. Awesome.

Add a hip dimension to your living space

Via BoingBoing: "Many people like the look of a towering, fully mature marijuana plant. Our 6 foot plant will not disappoint you. Whether you want to decorate your living room or large office or your hotel lobby or outdoor garden, our 6’ marijuana plant is a great choice! The large and leafy 6 footer is big enough to provide shade and classy enough to add a hip dimension to your living space."

Improve your signal

Via The Presurfer: "The Prayer Antenna is part of a series of Religious Technological Artifacts that I am making. The Antenna receives signals from God (yes, your God).

"The Antenna currently takes the form of a surplus / thrift-store motor-cycle helmet (or similar) that is ornately ordained and fitted with sufficient technology to receive signals. The helmet bristles like a porcupine with many different antennas. The visor is blacked out. Integrated headphones allow the worshipper to experience the signals. Sufficient controls allow the worshipper to tune the signals. The helmet is mounted to the wall on an ornate arm (at around waist level) and a small kneeling stool is provided (like a prayer kneeler).

"To use the Antenna the worshipper must kneel on the stool and inset their head into the helmet. The wall and surrounding are painted with a decorative pattern."

Sexually harassing Westboro Baptist Church members

Via Cruel: "With the help of the Brady Bunch laugh track, reporter Charles Firth of Australia's fake news outlet CNNNN answer a question: How does the son of Rev. Fred 'God Hates Fags' Phelps react when you squeeze his Charmin?"

Conger-Cuddlers Unite!

Giant dead eel tossing contest cancelled:

The practice, known as conger cuddling, is the annual highlight in the small coastal town about 155 miles southwest of London. The object of the game is to knock the opposing team off the platform by swinging a 25-pound eel at them.

Crowds have flocked to Lyme Regis since 1974 to watch rival teams of nine men swing the giant conger eel - suspended in the harbor by a rope - and local residents said they are dismayed at the demise of their historic event.

Andrew Kaye, a resident and spokesman for the Lyme Regis lifeboat crews who raise money through the tournament, said an anonymous e-mailer had called the practice disrespectful to the dead eel.

The lone activist threatened to film the contest to attract adverse media attention, Kaye said.

"We decided that it really wasn't worth upsetting anybody by going ahead with using a dead conger," Kaye said. "But it's a dead conger, for Pete's sake. I shouldn't think the conger could care one way or another."

He said fishermen often accidentally catch the creatures in their nets, deep-freeze them and defrost them in preparation for the tournament.

About 300 people attended an alternative event on Friday night. But the boat dock fender that participants used paled in comparison to being struck by a dead eel, Bailey said.

Eye Candy

Here's a terrific photo collection of odd statutes from around the world, 787 Pieces of Clip Art in a continuous loop, an optical illusions blog, and last, Sony blows a rainbow out of a Glasgow building.

More Retro Zappa

Two of my favorite things together: Frank Zappa and a Monkee

There's a nice bit at the very end where we can track Zappa's musical-transportation evolution from playing a bicycle to playing a car.

The Ubiquity of Hoff

(above: the Hoff indicates his invisible crown)

You might be the King of the Internet, Hasselhoff, but that still won't get your drunk ass onto a plane. (via Todd) The great thing about the Hoff is you just can't figure out if he's about to crash and burn or take over the known universe, or both.

Letter to the editor

Sometime in the late 1990s, the following letter was published in the pages of The Hillsdale Collegian, Michigan's oldest collegiate newspaper:

"Dear Editor:

"I was quite irked at the absence of Marc and Matt’s weekly movie review two weeks ago. I waited a week in anticipation of a formal apology or perhaps a double issue of movie delight. Once again, I was bitterly disappointed.

"During my tenure here at Hillsdale, I have seen the Collegian have many ups and downs, but through all of its struggles, there has always been a beacon of hope, a voice in the wilderness, a rock that dreams are built upon – Marc and Matt’s weekly movie review.
Read more...

"Regardless of the volume of tripe published every week, I could always count on being able to flip past the Fed minutes, the Greek Beat, the oh-so-insightful editorial page, and the ever-informative news page to find my weekly bit of cynical, substantive joy. Two weeks ago, you took that away from me.

"I’m angry, embittered and deeply hurt. I’ve sought out answers, all of which have proved empty and unsatisfying. Where there was once meaning, there is now only a cold, empty void. How can you justify this atrocity? In a world fraught with 'unreflective superficiality,' two lone voices venture forth to fight a glorious battle for all that is good; and you silence their battle cry before it can strike fear into the heart of evil.

"Having reflected upon this injustice for over a week now, I have yet to discover any possible justification or seen some greater end for which this crime may have been committed. Perhaps, I say to myself, this was not a crime of passion, but of ignorance. Is it simply the case that the Editor-in-chief knows not what he does? Can he be so blind as to miss the wisdom and value of the weekly movie review? Is the acerbic wit and social commentary lost upon his intellect? I pray this not be so.

"Please restore my faith in humanity and make amends.

"Criant en angoisse
"Meredith"

Now, years later, PoF will respond to this desperate plea by hosting the archives of the Marc and Matt movie review column. Dry your tears, Meredith, everything's going to be alright...

Hezbollah Video Dating Service

and as long as we're on topic, yalla ya Nasrallah
So much for the Age of Aquarius.

PoF Haiku Cinema Results

Since Victor bravely soldiered on and pushed us past the 30 entry mark in the PoF Haiku Cinema challenge, I thought I should probably pick a few winners for the quote bin. Here are my faves in no particular order (if you think I've overlooked a clear winner, tell me in the comments):

Will Ferrell's worst film.
Nicole Kidman's career low.
Tinkle, tinkle, tink!
- Victor

It's some old movie.
It's over three hours long.
Alec rented it.
- Victor

Friends bound together
Ronald Reagan and Bonzo
Sleep well monkey friend
- Robert Diaz

The blood-spattered bride,
How many can she make die?
Coma to revenge.
- Sr. Mary Hasta

Michael Moore is fat.
Oh so very, very fat.
Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat.
- Victor

Spears sculptor moves on to Hillary

Via Salon: "The same sculptor who created the statue of Britney Spears naked and giving birth on a bearskin rug, which caused a stir a few months ago, will unveil his latest work at Manhattan's Museum of Sex on Aug. 9. The piece? 'Presidential Bust of Hillary Rodham Clinton,' Daniel Edwards' armless, chesty likeness of Clinton in a revealing evening gown. (There's a video of the artist at work up on YouTube.) The museum's director says the piece is meant to create a discussion on whether a woman has to 'squelch her sexuality in order to succeed as leader of the free world.' Edwards, meanwhile, tells Rush & Molloy he strove for anatomical correctness: 'It's hard to find many images of her [breasts]. She usually covers herself up in a professional way. But there are beach photos of her.'"

Urkel Quest

Have you been keeping tabs on Jaleel White? Stalk him and win $1000 from CollegeHumor.com.

Crunchy Peeps Salad

U.S. health officials are encouraging Americans to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into their diets. Thankfully, Doug at Cooking with Peeps show us that eating healthy doesn't have to mean food without fun.

And you thought PoF shirts were cool

It's hard to imagine a better way to improve your chances of scoring than wearing a shirt with the first page of The Wealth of Nations printed on the back. Thanks Division of Labour!

Punc Flair

I'm gay and in a very stable relationship with a reality show star ?!

In honor of Lance "Bi, Bi, Bi" Bass's coming out announcement, now would be a good time to take a few moments to recognize the 44th anniversary of Martin K. Spekter's invention of the interrobang. After all, this little respected piece of typographic ingenuity is the best way to punctuate the earthshaking fall out this will have on millions of little sisters everywhere who will no doubt turn to drugs in order to cope (and there too will be the interrobang).

My Little Foulmouthed Pony

My Little Pony does... Reservoir Dogs.... The Big Lebowski... and Slingblade

As long as we're on the topic: Porn Star or My Little Pony?

Tampon Gun

Inspired by marshmallow shooters, this air-powered tampon gun turns your feminine hygiene products into high-flying projectiles. Have a shootout between rival tampon brands, or use it as a fun alternative to paintball. The tampon shooter has a range of 10 to 20 feet depending on your ammo and lung capacity. The matching bandolier lets you carry a full “clip” (i.e., box) of 20 tampons, so you’ll never be caught short in the heat of battle.

View other useful creations at TamponCrafts.

Everything is Illuminati-ated

For you Steve Jackson fans (be you a slave to Illuminati or INWO), we bring your attention to the Fnord Generator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has left with Poland and perverts the dog. Fnord:

*

The Last National Bank is oily and the business card is dehydrated. Fnord.

*

Bullwinkle is the toad; Nelson Mandela listens to Alpha Centauri. Fnord.

*

Austria is the finagler. Fnord.

Like a Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma Wrapped in a...

Carcassone in Carcassonne [sic]

I'll have to revoke my PETA membership

The Royal Society for the Preservation of Pigeon Killing

The farther down I scrolled, the more I giggled.

Free Will is an Ugly Thing...

...Especially When It Involves Fishnet Stockings

“After a few days, you guys are going to become like American women!”

Segueing from yesterday’s quip about Misery Tourism, an article in Harper's Magazine tickles with a reference to “‘extreme romance tours,’ to places like Chechnya, Baghdad, Afghanistan,” but spends much of the travelogue on bride shopping in Ukraine.

It never ceased to amaze that the whole “mail order bride” phenomenon elicits not a twinge of outrage from Ukrainian women—on the other (Slavic) hand, Russians are unable to have emotions of their own, so their glazed-eyed silence shouldn’t surprise. Nevertheless, the article does a good job of characterizing the American men who come by way of the dating circuit and also gives a fairly accurate impression of how the women make the most of these events.

Honestly though, this passage could describe casual Friday in most Ukrainian offices:

Ninety percent or more of the “stock” looked to be under the age of thirty-five, and more than half of them a good ten years younger than that. Most had dressed to impress, though there were a variety of styles in play, from the demure to the outrageous. Roughly half of the women, especially the older ones, came dressed in evening attire, business suits, or simply slacks and sweaters. But among the younger ladies, exposed midriffs and plunging necklines abounded. In the Ukrainian manner, there were miniskirts, fishnet stockings, and vertiginous high-heeled boots; ruffles, sequins, and sheer, frilly sleeves. A pair of girls, neither of whom could have been over twenty-two, were covered in glitter and wore their hair in identically cut Cleopatra bangs. Heavy makeup, especially around the eyes and cheekbones, was de rigueur. Almost all of the women had long, straight hair. I had the distinct impression that many were wearing their one nice outfit for the occasion.

It must also be noted that Slavs—even Belarooskies—have many nice outfits as they would sooner go without vegetables than their Versace.

Would You Have Invested?

CGI Geekdom

Some neat before and after shots from Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and a nifty teaser poster for Venom in the upcoming Spiderman 3.

And for more movie-geek news - Heath Ledger is set to be the Joker in the next Batman.

all via Movieblog

Comic Con aka Nerd Prom

"It's all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' fault."
(If I had a pint of retro-mutagen ooze, everytime I heard that line...)

Eight minute clip of a group of brothers in dorkdom going to Comic Con where one is informed they can see, "a pretty broad sampling of nerds." One samplist sums up his existence as, "I'm a guy with glasses who can't control his own life, but then I run to a phone booth..."

The sexual tension is palatable with the declaration, "We are horny comic book nerds and we have a mission," and The Girl in the group posits, “If I can't meet a guy at Comic Con, where else can I meet one?”

The clip climaxes at the Nerd Prom where, "My impression upon walking into the room was that prom had just ended and the nerds had been left to turn on the lights and sweep up all the confetti.”

All in all, "there are worse vacations to take than going on a day trip to your adolescence." For instance, Moscow-based Misery Tours.

Reader Submissions

The Faire Life - a renfaire docudrama - via Nick

Nick Fury - remembering the Hoff of cinema past - via Todd

and finally...

Star Wars on a Banjo - via Todd via Scott's girlfriend's blog (sorry no link)

Tasty Summer Treat

Pepto Bismol Ice-Cream

Stolen letters returned safely

Pizza King Watch finally gets an update, and it's no wonder. Nothing is bound to upset someone who obsessively photographs store signage more than a letter thief:

"Some people have no respect. This week, Greencastle, Indiana suffered a wave of marquee letter thefts, with the thief or thieves taking only the letter 'R.' Local signage was reduced to near-gibberish, as the above image attests; local Defenders of Freedom were no doubt confused to have suddenly been assigned to the Amy National Guad (I don’t know who Amy is, but she must kick butt).

"Never fear, however—the letters have been returned. Thank goodness! Maybe now things can return to normal for the good burghers of Greencastle.

"And no, the King does not have a Greencastle location… but if he did, rest assured that they would have been trying to sell you a 'SUB DINK,' or perhaps 'BIG SI DINK'..."

PEZamania!

"July 20-22, 2006 Cleveland, Ohio

"Join NEW convention hosts Linda and John Gliha at 'The World's Largest Gathering of Pez Collectors.' Spend a fun filled weekend with an international group of master PEZ collectors, PEZ dealers, and PEZ authors. Learn from experts and add to your collection. See more PEZ than you ever imagined and have the chance to win lots of Valuable PEZ prizes."

A "heavy sensual rap beat"

"Filled with the Spirit," the opening music video from this year's Purpose-Driven Worship Conference is entertaining in its own right, but this commentary from The Way of Life Literature’s Fundamental Baptist Information Service is the perfect finishing touch:

"A rap video prepared for Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Worship Conference 2006 is one of the sickest things I have ever seen, and I have been researching the spiritually sick world of CCM for many years. It is by a rapper named Smitty and is mis-titled 'Filled with the Spirit.' It features a heavy sensual rap beat with the following lyrics: 'Ohhhhhh, I’m filled with the Spirit; come gather round so all ya’ll can hear it.'

"You have to see the video and hear the voices to understand just how sick and blasphemous this thing is, but I am not going to give out the link because I don’t want young people, especially, to be influenced by this vile thing."

Thanks to J-Dog for bringing this controversy to my attention, and thank goodness for PoF, young people!

Wheels of grass

"When these four university students walk down the street, hamster jokes are hurled at them.

"That's understandable, because they're walking in a giant hoop lined with sod.

"Four Dalhousie architecture students stunned passersby yesterday as they showed off their summer project - and made a social statement.

"They say there's not enough green space in Halifax and that their contraption is a way to 'take the park with you.'"

China to censor karaoke

"Censors with China's Ministry of Culture have created a program to keep 'unclean' songs out of the country's karaoke parlors.

"The ministry has said the cities of Wuhan, Zhengzhou and Qingdao will be the first to test the new program, which allows local karaoke businesses to play songs off a central database loaded with pre-approved songs, The Los Angeles Times reported Thursday. The ministry said the program will also help the government protect intellectual property rights.

"The program could go national if the government deems the test run successful.

"'All the songs in the database for use by karaoke parlors and consumers need to be censored' to ensure their content meets government standards, Liang Gang, director of the Cultural Market Development Center of the Ministry of Culture, said in the Times' report."

Retro LARP

Bored? Enough to play Pong? How about Space Invaders? Maybe Zelda or Punch-Out is more your style. At least Tekken looks kinda fun...

Cleveland vs. Fiji

"'The label says Fiji because it's not bottled in Cleveland,' boasts the full-page ad running in national magazines like Esquire.

"The Cleveland Water Department ran tests comparing a bottle of Fiji to Cleveland tap water and some other national bottled brands. Fiji Water topped the pack in arsenic and other contaminants, the test showed.

"'Before you take a cheap shot at somebody, know what you're talking about,' said Cleveland Water Commissioner J. Christopher Nielson.

"Edward Cochran, Fiji president, is a native of Bay Village, which gets its water from Cleveland. He said it was his idea for Fiji's advertising agency to make Cleveland the butt of the joke in a national campaign.

"Cochran said the folks at Cleveland's Water Department need to get a sense of humor.

"'It is only a joke,' he said. 'We had to pick some town.'"

Goatse Polo

Via BoingBoing: "The Goatse polo sports a discreet over-the-breast logo that you can use to evoke giggles from attentive Internet perverts."

"Ohio's in a world of hurt"

1980s commercial from Jerry Springer's run for Governor. Link via Cruel.

PoF Haiku-Cinema Update

We're up to 22 entries in Pof Haiku-Cinema. Can we push it over 30?

Keep posting haikus in the old thread. Post any commentary, kudos, whatnot here.

Revver

It's like YouTube, but with commercials. The Wall Street Journal recently highlighted Ze Frank's switch to Revver, where he can host his daily updates and make a buck or two by allowing ads to be tacked on the end of his videos:

"Ze Frank has earned more than $5,000 through Revver by posting his stand-up comedy shows featuring rants on pop culture, stunts and dancing."

Let's go bowling

...with Pugs.

Link via M&C.

New Helmet album released

"Most of the remaining songs follow either of these directions: they're tight and surprisingly melodic, or they're tight and vaguely melodic. Some of these tracks get away with it, yet others sound too derivative or just uninspired."

The purpose of Helmet since the album Meantime seems to be to try and make another album like Meantime. Monochrome doesn't quite get there, but it's closer than they've been in a while. Listen here and judge for yourself.

Mosquito

A lot of work went into this Firefly parody. Not too shabby.

"Iowa – Life Changing"

Via BoingBoing: " Every week, David Burge of Iowahawk dutifully pores over the mugshots of female arrestees from Des Moines' Polk County Jail, selecting photos of the women he feels are suitable for candidacy in his Hoosegow Honey contest. He asked his readers to vote for Miss Hoosegow 2006. The winner is Jesika, with 20.9% of the vote."

Maddox to release comic book

"...the best comic in the universe is finally here. Many of you doubted me when I first announced it; you said I couldn't fit this much crotch rockage into a comic. As always, I'm right and you're all idiots for doubting me."

Georgia on my mind

Via DoL: I've always been a fan of Arial, and I know some Verdana-philes out there, but apparently everyone else has settled on Georgia:

"Log on to The New York Times's Web site, and you'll see it there. Just as you'll spot it on the Web sites of London's Frieze Art Fair, the architecture magazine Metropolis, the artist Damien Hirst, and on blog, after blog, after blog.

"All of these Web sites use the same typeface - Georgia. Typefaces slip in and out of fashion like every other area of design, but right now Georgia is the most fashionable one on the Internet. 'A few designers have mentioned that there seems to be a 'Georgia revival' going on,' says Matthew Carter, the British-born, Boston-based designer who developed Georgia for Microsoft in 1996. 'It seems a bit young to have died and been revived already.'"

Worshipping at the Altar of YouTube

Zappa plays bicycle for Steve Allen - Part 1, Part 2
More vintage Zappa on SNL
Robot Chicken - The Neverending Party
8 ½ Mile
and in anticipation of the concert I'll be seeing soon, a new video from Muse.

Man fights bear

This should be included on the DVD extras for Grizzly Man.

I can't wait til A finally equals A....

LFB has a surprisingly decent blog... and the latest news on the Atlas Shrugged movie for those interested.

Zidane Mash-ups

Here's round-up of all head-butt mash-ups floating around.

/still don't get soccer

Site Mods

Just a quick announcement... gravatars have been enabled in the Haloscan comments. If this gets to be annoying, the feature will be disabled, but until then.... happy posting.

Dinner in the Sky

Finland Rules

Finnish artists Tellervo Kalleinen and Oliver Kochta-Kalleinen collected the pet peeves and angst-ridden pleas of people in Helsinki and then composed this choral work around the list of complaints. While many of the complaints are universal to western urban life ("Tramline three smells of pee," "Bullshitters get on too well in life," "Christmas season starts earlier every year"), many of the complaints dive deep to the heart of the Finnish soul ("Our ancestors could have picked a sunnier place to be," "In the public sauna they never ask if its ok to throw water on the stove," "Old forests are cut down and turned into toilet paper, and still all the toilets are always out of paper," and most importantly, "We always lose to Sweden in Hockey and Eurovision"). But all the complaints end with the timeless refrain of all humanity, It's Not Fair.

Yeah, they're my peeps. via WMFU's Beware of the Blog

Thom Yorke solo album available for listening



"The Eraser shows how fine a line there is between Kid A-like brilliance and derivative mediocrity. I just never thought that the first person to corrupt Kid A's visionary foray into electronic pop would be Thom Yorke."

UPDATE: Watch Yorke perform "The Clock" and "Cymbal Rush" on The Henry Rollins Show, then watch Andy Dick make fun of Thom Yorke.

Carney doesn't like big business



Free-taco-night fan and suspected Buchananite Tim Carney just released The Big Ripoff, a new book that claims to take us "deep inside the insidious, incestuous relationship of big business and even bigger government." You can watch him lecture a Heritage Foundation audience here.

Preview the Screw-on Head pilot



Via M&C: Watch the full pilot of The Amazing Screw-on Head, a new Sci Fi show from Mike Mignola, the creator of Hellboy. Features the voices of Paul Giamatti, David Hyde Pierce and Molly Shannon, among others.

Sharpen your skills



Thanks to The International Private Investigators Union (IPIU), you, too, can have access to specialized knowledge on subjects such as mantrapping:

"Man, by virtue of his habits, can be incredibly easy prey. Read about the Costa Rican bridge trap, Afghan tank fall, Oregon helicopter trap, Jamaican shark net, South African wire whip trap, German head chopper, and many others. Includes the do’s and don’ts of a successful mantrap, rarely seen traps for urban environments, the benefits of fake traps, and much more."

Derka derka Mohammed jihad... SLEPKO!!!!???!!! Ka-boom.



At first blush, this Slate article about the Islamic fundamentalist hatred of the "Rotarian Menace" seems laughably absurd.... but then when you remember that Nick Slepko is a Rotarian... well, it pretty much explains everything. (via Hit & Run).

Who needs religion?



"A universal mystical experience with life-changing effects can be produced by the hallucinogen contained in magic mushrooms, scientists claim today.

"Forty years after Timothy Leary, the apostle of drug-induced mysticism, urged his hippie followers to 'tune in, turn on, and drop out,' researchers at Johns Hopkins University, in Baltimore, Maryland, have for the first time demonstrated that mystical experiences can be produced safely in the laboratory. They say that there is no difference between drug-induced mystical experiences and the spontaneous religious ones that believers have reported for centuries. They are 'descriptively identical.'"

"The future of policing in America"



"The tiny drone will be able to provide law enforcement officers with a bird's-eye view of just about anything. It's intended to find lost hikers, skiers, surfers, children, elders, and more. It can also be used in hostage situations and other violent standoffs in rural or urban areas and to surveil fleeing crime suspects.

"Privacy advocates worry that a drone could peer too far into private lives because cameras could intrude on citizens through windows and into backyards. Law officers say it is more cost-effective than a helicopter."

The contractors involved should consider re-naming their companies if they want to prevent people from thinking they're on an episode of Lost:

"Known as 'SkySeers,' the drones were designed by Octatron, a subsidiary of Chang Industries, a defense contractor in southern California."

"Virginia is for Lovers" slogan soon to be updated



"State officials want to make it easier for water lovers to find relief by building a floating restroom.

"The buoyed bathroom would be like a barge away from shore, said Anne Smith, a consultant with the Virginia Department of Health's Marina Program.

"'They could just park and get in.'

"Connie Barbour, a long time fisherman and an owner of Long Bay Pointe Bait and Tackle in Virginia Beach said he doubts that people would do that.

"Keeping the water clean is a priority, Long Bay Pointe's Barbour said, though he's not sold on the floating commodes. Many smaller vessels have portable toilets, he said, and parks and marinas provide toilets.

"In a hurricane, someone would have to pull the floating facility to shore, he said.

"'That would be the last thing you'd want flipped over,' he said.

"And, Barbour said, 'you'd be surprised how many people would get seasick trying to get in one of those places.'

"'We would try and locate it somewhere that didn't have a lot of current and wave action to try and minimize that,' [Smith] said."

Unflinching Triumph

The Philip Rockhammer Story

A trio of video links from Todd:

George Washington by Cox and Combes

Bob Log III's Boob Scotch - Warning: Involves lots of... Scotch

and finally a link that doesn't make me feel dirty: Breakdancing Transformers

PoF Haiku-Cinema

Inspired by this random post, I thought it might be fun to have a pointless haiku comment contest. So let's have at it:
Step 1. Pick a movie, any movie (preferably a bad one).
Step 2. Write a Haiku about it.
Step 3. Post it in the comment section below.
Step 4. Rinse and repeat.

Best entries go in the PoF quote-bin.

I love the net-mockery of Sen. Ted Stevens that has arisen in response to his "the internet is made of tubes" ramble. Just more proof that the goons running the country are completely out of touch with reality. Here's a helpful graphic and an MP3 remix of his remarks.

Wikipedia's list of grocery marketing flops.



It's the ghost of bad aftertaste past.

Ordinarily, I'd tag this with a "going to hell for laughing remark," but since Rosie O'Donnell is really retarded and only pretending to have Down's Syndrome, I'm pretty sure it's ok to laugh.

Where the shadow puppets roam free...


Knowing my fondness for the short-lived series, Firefly, the follow-up film, Serenity, and my occasional bouts of Tudyk-mania, Alec sends along a link to this recent bit of Whedonalia: Serenity, the RPG. And for future reference, in my metaverse, Wash will not die in some arbitrary-existential-bullshit-non-plot-furthering-unfunny-ruin-Meredith's-movie-kind-of-way, but lives forever and ever in a world filled with bad Hawaiian shirts, toy dinosaurs, and 70's cop mustaches.

And now for something completely serious...


Julian Sanchez has a nice post over at Hit and Run defining libertarianism, contra the absolutists in the LP who are griping over the latest schism in an already painfully marginalized party.

Learn Judo With Vladamir Putin



I wonder if "caressing a cat like a paedophile" is one of Pooty Poot's signature moves.

Poo paranoia



People who like cleaning up after dogs are probably few and far between. Nevertheless, most people responsible for taking care of a lawn recognize that, well, it happens. There are, however, those who are unwilling to compromise on their no-poo stance. The number of signs like the one above seem to be on the rise, for instance. I had always felt such public notices were the rough equivalent of placing a sign in one's yard declaring "Crazy person lives here," but I was recently reminded that, like most things, crazy is a relative term.

Someone in the neighborhood has taken it to the next level. They've gone to the trouble of laminating and mounting a copy of the local newspaper's article on the city passing a "pick up after your dog" ordinance and placed it in their yard. In case passersby do not fully grasp the implications, a helpful hand-written sign has been placed nearby that says, "Have your dog $%^# it your own yard. Don't be surprised if you get your picture taken otherwise." That sounds like a challenge to me.

In any case, I can only assume that roving bands of citizen poo patrols will soon be guarding sidewalk strips as the conflict escalates.

Toothpaste for Dinner t-shirt contest winners posted



"Welcome to the Toothpaste For Dinner contest, 2006 edition. Just over 300 people sent in 692 pictures this year, pictures of PEOPLE WEARING SHIRTS THEY BOUGHT FROM THIS WEBSITE.

"This was an arbitrary contest. I picked out some pictures that I like and awarded them prizes. There is one grand prize winner, five regular winners, and a lot of honorable mentions. I expected to get about 50 excellent entries but I ended up with more, so I gave out more free stuff. In fact, there are four pages of pictures this year. Are you ready to SCROLL DOWN?!?!?"

Wonder Woman's put on a few



Via Drawn! - "BBWW: The Fat Wonder Woman Blog. A fun blog containing artists' renditions of our favorite amazon princess."

Tradeoffs



"Could a tiny staple in your ear be the key to losing weight?

"NewsChannel5's Lee Jordan reported how dozens of people said that having the ear-stapling procedure has helped them shed those extra pounds.

"Elyria chiropractor Gary van Skyhock explained that the idea comes out of acupuncture and something called auricular therapy, or treatment based on nerve endings in the ear.

"The staple is placed over the point that corresponds with the stomach.

"'It normalizes your appetite and when you normalize appetite, you'll eat as much as you need, not more,' said van Skyhock.

"Van Skyhock has put staples in about 100 patients and said the biggest risk is infection. One out of five of his patients ends up with infected cartilage around the staple, and that type of infection can be difficult to treat."

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

I can't say I buy into the Gnarls Barkley hype, but I don't dislike 'em either. But between the MTV awards Star Wars costuming and this excellent video, they're starting to win my nerd heart over.

You're not alone



...if you happen to think that The Searchers is an overrated flick.

The Slate article is a nice companion piece to The Onion's recent "Classic Movies It's Okay To Hate" piece.

Credit: Klevay (who still likes The Searchers).

Gimme a break



The Wall Street Journal today broke the shocking story that KitKat flavors such as Lemon Yogurt and Mango Passionfruit are not appreciated by consumers. The story also revealed the odd trivia fact that the Brits eat a KitKat roughly every 47 seconds. Fascinating.

In any case, the article does not uncover the full scope of Nestle's mad-scientist approach to one of its most popular candy bars. Thankfully, Wikipedia's entry on the KitKat bar collects the bewildering array of odd flavor choices company execs have attempted throughout the course of their bizarre social experiment, including Kit Kat Matcha (Green tea) and Kit Kat White with Maple Syrup.

That's gourd-eous



"'Her World' won first place in the painting category at the California Gourd Society 9th Annual Gourd Art Competition."

"Quality and originality are at the forefront of Andrea's gourd art creations, which are beautiful, useful and affordable."

Bad signs



My guess is that geography professor Julio Rivera found this sign outside of a sparkler factory. For more equally helpful advice, visit his "Bad Signs Ahead" collection.

Hoff Update

BEER-swilling Baywatch star David Hasselhoff was booted out of Wimbledon — because he was “steaming drunk”.

A guard led him from the tennis tournament’s grounds after a series of clashes with security staff. FIRST, the 53-year-old actor had a blazing row outside Centre Court. Guards would not let him in because he did not have a valid ticket. THEN he was banned from press and players’ bars as he tried to get another drink.

Hasselhoff, who has fought a long battle with booze, yelled at staff: “You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I’m The Hoff.”

Ann Coulter, The Musical

Viennese vegetable orchestra



"the first viennese vegetable orchestra consists exclusively of vegetable-based instruments, although where necessary, additional kitchen utensils such as knives or mixers are employed."

Listen to excerpts from their cd, automate, here, here and here.

Da Vinci Code disappointing?



Thanks to Arvid Nelson over at Shrunken Head Studios, I'm now immersed in the world of Rex Mundi:

"It is a tale of murder, sin and redemption in a world where magic is real and the Catholic Church never lost its grip on power."

It's excellent material for any church conspiracy fans out there. I may be slow on the uptake (the first issue came out in 2002), but at least I can help spread the good news before the story makes it to the big screen.

I knows me some ugly myspace showdown



"On the show: 06-30-06 Ze issued a challenge to create the ugliest MySpace page.

"- Add the ugly duckling logo to let Ze know you have officially entered the contest
"- Click the 'edit' tab and list your site
"- We will vote for the ugliest page on July 14th.
"- The winner will get a prize valued at $10,000!"

All the hydrants you can handle



"It may be surprising to some, but people actually collect fire hydrants. Historically significant and removed-from-service hydrants have typically been melted down as scrap. Hydrant collecting, therefore, has become the primary means by which this part of fire service history can be preserved. As a bonus, it is just plain fun." (emphasis original)

Nobody Wants to See Miami Vice: The Movie, Especially Admiral Adama



"Attempting to net the last glimmer on its '80s twinkle, the filmmakers sent an offer to Edward James Olmos to reprise his role as the never-not-brooding, pineapple-faced Lieutenant Martin Castillo. He declined and reportedly had his agent send a VHS to the offices of Universal Pictures. It contained a 20-minute loop in which Olmos silently stared into the camera in absolute disgust."

Happy Independence Day!

On such an occasion, there's really only one question:



If there's any doubt, consider the following options:

1) Add a flag mouthpiece to your collection



2) Pre-order a patriotic bridal gown for that wedding date that's sure to come at some point



3) Finally, since sparklers are too risky, buy yourself a gun and go shoot something for America

Eric tackles a burning question



"You know me, internet, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't mind a hokey, bad-for-me food product. I also have dry, unpleasant lips. So when Hostess teamed up with some odd company to make snack cake flavored lip balm, I was on board. There were a host of different flavors, Ho-Ho's and whatnot, but Twinkie Balm was the clear choice. So now that we live in a world with both standard and medicated stick of goo twinkie incarnations, the burning question emerges: Is Twinkies Flavored Lip Balm better than an actual Twinkie?"

Entrepreneurs combine two miserable activities into one



Klevay has a tough enough job as it is getting today's youth to enjoy the printed word. That's why he will likely not be using SparkNotes' SAT Vocabulary Novels, which bring together the joys of both learning SAT vocabulary and wading through awful fiction.

Extreme Wake-Up Pranks

They must not have lawyers in Japan...

Another slipper option



"Monty Python Killer Rabbit Slippers - Each pair is one size fits most, and features flapping mouth action (when you walk, the mouth flaps)."

Rutabaga: "Your Root in the Third Millennium"



Rutabagas are arguably the hottest root vegetable on the market, and everyone wants a piece of the action:

- According to The Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute, Forest Grove, Oregon, has held onto the title of Rutabaga Capital of the World ever since 1951.

- Cumberland, Wisconsin, remains undeterred. The town is hosting its annual Rutabaga Fest August 23rd – 27th.

- The residents of Ithaca, New York, look to the rutabaga for athletic inspiration. The International Rutabaga Curling Championship will take place there this December 23rd.

Plan your travel schedules accordingly.

Take a break



Tired of all that reading material in most magazines? Skip it and take a look at NoTxt instead.

New Hasselhoff



"Secret Agent Man" gets the Hasselhoff treatment.

UPDATE: Want even more Hoff? Check out "Jump in my car."

Mood lighting



"Moody Buddha makes modular art lamps with your favorite artists’ work."

Stay safe on walks



Make sure to put on your full dog bite suit for protection before heading outdoors. I have it on good authority that each year about 300 kids under the age of five are injured specifically by canines.

Keep in touch with friends



"Send an E-Card from HeadLice.Org!"