Monday, August 09, 2004

Alan Keyes's sweat up for grabs

(dramatic reenactment)

"Own a part of American history; own the napkin containing sweat from Ambassador Alan Keyes' forehead, immediately following Alan Keyes' historic announcement that he agreed to replace Jack Ryan as the Republican candidate for U. S. Senate in Illinois to take on Democrat Barak Obama.

"GOP Senatorial Candidate Keyes was sweating profusely after his stem-winder speech and the sweat was collected from a napkin at approximately 3:02 pm Central Time just outside the Wellington Restaurant in Arlington Heights, Illinois, under the watchful eye of multiple news reporters including multiple television cameras.

"Many at the Keyes event are calling for Lincoln-Douglas style debates between the first match up of two African-American Senatorial candidates in the history of United States elections.

"Current plans are to donate proceeds from this sale to the Keyes for Senate campaign, pending a legal opinion. Due to Federal Election Campaign Laws, we might have to stop the bidding at $999.99 to avoid having to form a political fundraising committee. This sale is on behalf of an individual Alan Keyes supporter but not affiliated directly with the Keyes' campaign."