Friday, July 16, 2004

Get yourself "Baldwinized"

"Welcome! I'm Dr. Clive Boddicker and I am the founder and chief surgeon of the Baldwinization™ Centers of America. Baldwinization™ is the surgical procedure pioneered by myself which results in the patient's perfect resemblance of the Baldwin brother of their choice. People sometimes ask me, 'Clive, why have you made it your life's work to make ordinary, hard working people look like one of the Baldwin brothers?' My answer is always the same. 'Because I care for and love all humanity and believe that the key to true happiness lies in the supple, sultry lips and the seductive eyes of America's First Family of Acting™.'

"Whether you want to look like Alec in 'Hunt For Red October' or Daniel in a straight to video B-movie, we can do it. Why spend another day as an ordinary, average nobody when the key to the glamour and beauty is within your grasp?"