Tod Holton, Super Green Beret!

For this little gem, I'm digging way back into the archives (it's on geocities for pete's sake!) of the intertubes to bring you something very special indeed: a page-by-page deconstruction of possibly the worst comic book ever produced: Tod Holton, Super Green Beret! I'll admit that the humor suffers in places, but for me that just adds to the spectacle of it all.

Hopefully, the image above doesn't somehow violate photobucket's terms of service as the photo of the fake testicles did in my first post.

When the Sunday Times Crossword Gets Old

Check out Music Cube - a nifty (and hard) pop music rebus game.

Yee-Haw!

Lasagna Cat, tributes to Jim Davis. More fun with Garfield.

Change the margins, change the world?

No doubt upsetting students everywhere trying to meet paper page requirements, Tamara Krinsky is spearheading a movement to save the environment by reducing default margin settings:

"As I was doing my usual margin-changin' thang while printing out a document for my boss, a light bulb went off in my brain. What if you could get people to adopt changing paper margins on a large scale? What if you could get companies to adopt narrower margins as their printing standard? It would result in a lot less paper consumption. Which of course means saving a lot of trees and cutting down on a lot of waste...but only if a massive amount of people changed their margins."

Anyone interested in starting a competing movement has a decent shot, as changethefontsize.com remains unregistered.

When Just Reading the Comics Isn't Enough

Geist's breath fogs the winter air as he surveys the frozen Minneapolis skyline, searching for signs of trouble. His long duster flaps in the breeze as his eyes flick behind reflective sunglasses; a wide-brim hat and green iridescent mask shroud his identity from those who might wish him harm.

Should a villain attack, the Emerald Enforcer carries a small arsenal to defend himself: smoke grenades, pepper spray, a slingshot, and a pair of six-inch fighting sticks tucked into sturdy leather boots. Leather guards protect Geist's arms; his signature weapon, an Argentinean cattle-snare called bolos, hangs from a belt-holster.
...
Soon Geist faces his first obstacle: parking on the left side of a one-way street. "Usually one of my superpowers is parallel parking," he chuckles as he eases his car into the spot, emerging victorious with a foot and a half between curb and tire. He feeds a gauntleted fistful of quarters into the parking meter, and then pops the trunk on the Geistmobile to retrieve his precious cargo. On the street, he encounters businesspeople on lunch break—some stare openly; others don't even notice his garish attire. "It's easier in winter," Geist says with a laugh. "Winter in Minnesota, everybody's dressed weird."

More on the lives of real life super heros. via HitAndRun

WoT continues

The War on Testicles that is. Legislators in Virginia and now Maryland have made outlawing the (mercifully) fake gonads that some truck and car owners have affixed to the rear bumpers of their vehicles a top legislative priority for 2008. Virginia's anti-nut crusader, Lionel Spruill, also sparked controversy a few years back when he tried to ban saggy pants.

That sort of thing isn't my bag, so to speak, but you can get balls for your vehicle here and here. The latter site (the source of the image above) describes truck balls as the "ultimate fashion statement" and has a fantastic intro video.

Via Freedom and Shit.

What is the bloop?

"Theories abound as to the source of the Bloop. If it is the vocalization of a living organism, it is one which makes its home in the dark, cold depths of the ocean. Some have suggested that giant squids could be responsible for the sound, but that is unlikely considering that no known species of cephalopod have the gas-filled sac necessary to reach such great volumes. Indeed science has not recorded any animals– living or extinct– with nearly enough size to house the organs needed to produce the level of output demonstrated by the Bloop… so unless this mystery creature uses some unknown mechanism to generate sound, it is presumed to be an incredibly massive organism."

Pearson to join PoF team

Thomas Pearson, aka PintPundit, is known for courting controversy by taking stands on important issues - such as the strong pro-Starbucks position shown above. What kind of message will he bring to Pieces of Flair readers? Stay tuned to find out!

Dining Out

Marton Theme Restaurant, named after the Chinese word "Matong" for toilet, has become a hit in Taiwan's second largest city since its opening in May 2004. Though bathroom decor seems a bizarre way to whet the appetites of diners, the idea has been so successful owner Eric Wang opened a second and bigger branch just seven months later. "We not only sell food but also laughter. The food is just as good as any restaurant but we offer additional fun," says 26-year-old Wang, who gave up a career in banking to launch the business. "Most customers think the more disgusting and exaggerated (the restaurant is), the funnier the dining experience is," he says.

In related news, India's "New Lucky Restaurant in Ahmadabad is famous for its milky tea, its buttery rolls, and the graves between the tables". Mmmmm mmmmm good.

SPs and what not

Are you a suppressive person or Potential Trouble Source who missed the Tom Cruise video on YouTube before the Church of Scientology pulled it? Thankfully, Defamer is stepping up to the plate with both full and "best of" versions to satisfy your antisocial tendencies.

I miss Moranis

Rick Moranis might not be in the movies anymore, but his new career is perfectly suited to re-working this number as a duet.

National security advice from Honeybee

Tom points out this gem from the Technology Liberation Front:

"I earlier suggested that the upcoming Heritage event on the REAL ID Act was a 'must miss' because it featured only national ID proponents.

"Since then, I have been turned on to Digimarc lobbyist Janice Kephart’s YouTube page. It’s a must see. She also has a MySpace page. The entertainment value of the Heritage event has risen."

The Return of MST3K

Cinematic Titanic is a project by Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) creator and host, Joel Hodgson. The project involves "riffing" B-movies, like Mystery Science Theater 3000 before it. Joining Hodgson are many of the original MST3K cast, as well as some cast members who joined later in the show's run. These include Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Frank Conniff and Mary Jo Pehl.

Like Mystery Science Theater 3000, the series uses black silhouettes of the riffers placed over the movies, but in the case of Cinematic Titanic they sit on both sides of the screen rather than just on the lower right. Frank Conniff will have access to a lift so as to "interact" with the film, similar to Joel's frequent visual gags in Mystery Science Theater 3000. Host segments play a part in the series, but are not as integral to the show as they were to the prior series.

Penn is Back

After being disappointed by the abrupt end of PennFreeFM, I can now get my daily dose of Penn Jillette once again with Penn Says. With the aid of Sony camera placement, Penn is now airing unedited rants that are thoroughly entertaining (and spot on).

PETA's Cannabilism Prevention Program

Sheriff's officials were astounded Thursday by a letter requesting the man accused of murdering his girlfriend and possibly participating in cannibalism be placed on a vegetarian diet to keep him from being "involved in any senseless killing" while incarcerated.

The letter was faxed to the Smith County Sheriff's Jail from the national headquarters of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Thursday morning.
...

"It is up to you to prevent McCuin from contributing to any more suffering and death by placing him on a healthy, humane vegetarian diet," the letter by PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich reads.
...

When asked how eating a hamburger compared to cannibalism, Friedrich said all meat is from a corpse. He further stated he believes McCuin could become violent if he ate meat and could kill.

The New Siskel & Ebert?

Reel Geezers. Juno is great BTW.

Fun With Veggies

The Vegetable Orchestra. If you haven't gotten your fill, here's a guy rocking out some broccoli, a carrot, a daikon, and a carrot/celery panflute. After perusing a few more youtube videos, I think we can safely blame this on Japan.

Mindblowing Architecture

I knew that Dubai and Kuwait were going a little gonzo on the construction of insanely large skyscrapers and whatnot, but this just made my jaw drop:



I want my flying car. Also in the works: a kilometer-high skyscraper, a bigger version of the entire Las Vegas strip, a building shaped like the death-star, and the world's largest themepark.

More here. Also via Dark Roasted Blend.

Extreme Sleeping

Like any extreme activity, it requires the nerves of steel, good choice of timing, location and the absence of suspicious cops. All this however is easier to achieve, because you are, well... asleep, so you can trust the unseen powers to take care of the rest. Long & restful sleep is by no means guaranteed, but perhaps somebody will take your picture and you'll wake up famous.

More popular than you might think. via Dark Roasted Blend

Blame Canada

Just a reminder of why nationalized health care is heinous.

David Lynch on the iPhone

If you enjoy David Lynch craziness, I can't recommend the "extras" DVD that accompanies Eraserhead too highly. For another fun celebrity rant, check out Pat Metheny's take on Kenny G.

Update David Lynch on product placement.

Me Going To Munch You

Take a break from the political noise for a heartfelt message from Cookie Monster.

Up to 30% off your Tax Bill (Also Taxable)

As tax season approacheth, consider the benefits of ratting out your fellow taxpayers who may not be willingly handing over their income to the benevolent IRS cronies. Credit to Zefrank.

Baby Toupee

The mission of BabyToupee is to show that while parenting can be a great responsibility, it can also be a source of endless amusement.

Huckabee Parody Ad

In related political news... I actually saw our friend from Alabama's name pop up on the Ron Paul "recent donor" screen. It really is a small world after all....

Hello Kitty Contacts

via Hello Kitty Hell

Sleeveface

Sleeveface is the art of “one or more persons obscurings or augmenting any part of the body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.”

Via Presurfer.

Orangina Hates You

I blame France for many things, but I never knew "encouraging furries" was on the list.

Thrift Shop Horrors

A blog devoted to the most disturbing thrift shop finds.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Your friends at PoF (with a little help from the Columbia Broadcasting System).

Science tattoos

Via the Presurfer: Not ready for a webcomic tattoo of Mr. Miro? Perhaps you can ease into the tat lifestyle with the help of science.

"On my blog, The Loom, I asked whether scientists wear many tattoos of their science. The answer was yes."

Why No One Wishes PETA a Merry Anything

Send a Michael Vick Holiday Snow Globe to your nearest and dearest courtesy of those merchants of merriment and good-sheer, PETA.
Via Hit and Run.

Incidentally, only PETA's campaign against the Olsen twins has actually succeeded in the nearly impossible feat of making me sympathize with them. Way to go PETA.

The Dean and Company Christmas Special

This gem comes from Tom, who is fortunate enough to drink from the same city water supply as the people featured in the video:

"This particular atrocity is homegrown. Dean & Company is produced by a local Birmingham family with too much money and time on their hands. Keep in mind that this travesty continues to be perpetrated on the good people of Birmingham...you won't be able to look away as the trainwreck unfolds."

Movie Rumors: Real Genius Sequel in the Making

"It looks like Val Kilmer will be Chris Knight once again! Kilmer has reportedly signed on to star in a sequel to the 1985 comedy, 'Real Genius'."

I can't decide if I love or hate this idea.

Soccer star pens Nietzsche tome

Chester City Midfielder Craig Dove has more than football on his mind. In an as of yet unreleased work apparently co-authored with Friedrich Nietzsche, Dove offers to guide us down the corridors of Nietzsche's most central ideas. For a mere $82, you can pre-order your copy now!

Congrats, Craig!

Handsoap

Via Geekologie: "this is actual soap. shaped like little hands! each ‘hand’ is carefully hand made & packaged just for you. each set is slightly different with different hand-shapes & skin-ish colors. wash your hands with hands. really quite lovely! (& a little creepy)"

Freaky Ads

AdFreak is looking for the freakiest ad of 2007 and is slowly whittling down the list. There is no shortage of contenders.

When Philosophers Attack

Everything has a purpose

According to one reviewer: "Of all the movies I've seen about sensitive, talking excrement, this is the best." Get your copy today.

Making cows pass kangaroo gas

Via DoL: "Australian scientists are trying to give kangaroo-style stomachs to cattle and sheep in a bid to cut the emission of greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, researchers say. Thanks to special bacteria in their stomachs, kangaroo flatulence contains no methane and scientists want to transfer that bacteria to cattle and sheep who emit large quantities of the harmful gas."

Not everyone agrees that bacteria transfer is the simplest option. Instead, they suggest just eating kangaroos instead of cows.

Tractor Fight!!!

Unlikely Pop-Up Books

From the Something Awful forums.

Competition for Pandora?

Via the WSJ: "The new Slacker players will come in three models, ranging from $200 to $300, depending on capacity. But the music they play will be absolutely free, contained in preprogrammed Internet radio stations instead of individually selected songs and albums. The stations will be automatically refreshed with new tunes via a wireless connection built right into the device. You'll have to be near a hot spot for these updates. But you won't need a hot spot just to hear your music, because the songs are cached on the device. And you'll never have to plug it into a computer.

"The player is tied to Slacker's free Internet radio service, slacker.com, which is already up and running, and allows you to listen to music via any standard Windows or Mac Web browser. Using the service, you can personalize your player by selecting from over 100 canned stations or by creating stations based around any of 10,000 artists. These stations will be beamed to your player wirelessly. You can even choose which stations are loaded onto your player before the company ships it to you."

Don't eat the pink snow

"The snow even has a fresh watermelon scent and is sometimes called 'watermelon snow.' Walking in pink snow often results in a temporary discoloration of your clothing, such as bright red soles and pinkish pant cuffs. There are unconfirmed reports that consuming 'generous quantities' of pink snow may cause diarrhea, a rather distressing situation above timberline."

Time for a celebrity endorser kickboxing match

Apparently, Chuck Norris announced his endorsement of GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Following on the heels of Oprah's endorsement of Obama and Streisand's endorsement of Clinton, it seems only fitting that some sort of endorser cage match be arranged. Will Drew Carey enter the fray for Ron Paul? More importantly, which candidate will secure the endorsement of Royce Gracie?

Alternative Christian Products for the Saved and Unsaved Alike

For all our Div. School readers: this site will pretty much take care of all your holiday shopping needs.

Kitty Wigs

I think furries might be less disturbing.

Technoviking

Via The Presurfer: Teach for America alum Marty Mudd takes a stroll down Cherry Street in Helena, Arkansas.

Victory!

The Colorado Supreme Court issued a favorable ruling in Cornerstone v. Wheat Ridge Urban Renewal Authority today. The credit for the amicus brief really goes to Tim, but this makes me feel like getting that law license was all worthwhile.

Tesla Xmas Tree

I am in UR living room, frying UR Santa.

More Ron Paul Hotness

I just got canvassed by Ron Paul supporters. They asked if I would consider being a district delegate. It's very tempting...

Tune in next week for the liberty orgy.

Things I've Never Thought Of...

One little tow hitch, so many options. How can one possibly choose between expressing political beliefs, stashing a key, attaching obnoxious animatronics, installing a handy bottle opener, or mounting a giant flatscreen? Thankfully, my current lack of a tow hitch saves me from having to make such difficult choices.

30 Brilliantly Timed Sports Photos

Some great pics.

Jesus wants your colon cleansed

"Our mission at Hallelujah Acres is to teach people the world over about God’s natural laws for healing and health."

Apparently, these laws include using "a gelatinous bulk [to] sweep the colon clean of putrefied feces." Thankfully, Hallelujah Acres stepped forward with the Fiber Cleanse supplement.

Can you think of anything better to do after Thanksgiving?

Reno rocks

If you missed your chance to get the Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate CD, not to worry. You can console yourself by snagging Janet Reno's box set:

"Though Reno, 69, is slowed these days by Parkinson's disease, she was forceful and passionate when she spoke to The Associated Press about 'Song of America,' which has been about a decade in the making.

"Through 50 songs, reinterpreted by artists including John Mellencamp, the Black Crowes, Martha Wainwright and Devendra Banhart, the story of America and the different challenges it has faced, from war to racism to the Depression, is retold for today's audiences."

Credit: Tom

Felten book now out

"How's Your Drink?" columnist Eric Felten has a new book out just in time for the holidays. Here's an excerpt:

"Recommending good things to drink is an enterprise fraught with moral peril. Encourage folks to try a cocktail, and there are sure to be some among them who will like it altogether too much.

"A good drink, though not without risk, can be eminently livable. Alcohol is no doubt a drug, but in moderation it is a very social one. It primes the conversational pump; it nudges the shy from the bonds of their awkwardness; it midwives romance; it concludes treaties. Firewater, like fire, can be awesomely destructive; learning to marshal the power of both is a hallmark of civilization.

"A proper cocktail is one that connects us with each other even more than it connects us with the past. At its best, a good drink is a sort of secular communion, a cup of fellowship."

Samwell - What What (In the Butt)

"Samwell said in an interview with KROQ-FM that the opening image is "not a cross, but a flaming symbol that [he] just happened to use," but according to Giorgio, "[Samwell] wanted it because he's a Christian but he doesn't do Christian morality. For him having a burning cross is a way to pay respect to his beliefs." It is followed by sighing lips superimposed on a chocolate heart, which quickly morphs into a chocolate star, a reference to the anal cavity. The purpose of the glossy mouth is to attract attention."

Seven Wonders of the Totalitarian World

Is that the Legion of Doom lurking in the background? And why are the guards standing in phone booths?
An interesting round-up by Esquire.

via HitAndRun

The Beard Cap

I think everyone should wear one this holiday season.

Nota Bene?

"Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with [Tom Tancredo] on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man."

The dark underbelly of capitalism

Via the Washington Post: "A kids' book doesn't sound like the seed of a multimillion-dollar enterprise, even if it is about the HokieBird, the much-loved mascot for Virginia Tech University.

"It was a simple tale of the HokieBird visiting the main sites on campus, saying hello to everyone, then going home and going to bed. Naren thought every parent who'd graduated from Tech would want one for his little one.

"This year, Mascot Books will have 70 titles, including its first books for NFL football teams. Aimee has created a proprietary character named Cort the Sport, who will be in a series of titles on good sportsmanship. Revenue this year is projected to reach $4 million."

According to a reviewer of Howdy Reveille!, "I'm happy with it because it got my niece to say 'Gig 'Em' and 'Reveille.'"

Nota Bene

My friend, Bretigne, sums up what its like to be an otherwise completely jaded nonvoter now fervently supporting Ron Paul quite nicely:

Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with Dr. Paul on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man.

Pen spinning!

Via A.R.T.: "Pen spinning is a form of contact juggling that involves the deft manipulation of a writing instrument with one's hands. Although it is often considered a form of self-entertainment (usually in a school/office setting), multinational competitions and meetings are often held."

Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate Music CD

At only $9.00 a pop, you can do all your Christmas shopping in one fell swoop!

"The Ultimate Music CD is a CD-R which contains 109 mp3 files (320kbps.) It includes 5 full albums, as well as b-sides, and instrumental versions of numerous tracks. I wrote, performed, arranged, and mixed all of these songs myself.

"This is the only place you can get 'Comb Your Beard', 'Charles Has A Licking Problem', and all the other music I've released via YouTube videos in the past year.

"THESE SONGS WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED AGAIN AFTER THE ULTIMATE MUSIC CD IS SOLD OUT. This CD is only being released to ensure that the last six years' worth of music I've recorded will be available directly from me in high-quality format, one last time, for those who want to hear it. I'm done thinking about my old bands and want to give them a proper last release before forgetting about them forever."

Too many ho's

"Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional 'ho ho ho' greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

"Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported."

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

A blog that needs no more explanation beyond its title.

Via Cynical C

Drew responds to Meredith

Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

Model prisoners

PoF News - 2007 marks the 10-year anniversary of Seattle-based bra manufacturer Decent Exposure's innovative partnership with the Washington State Department of Corrections. Offenders staying at the Helen B. Ratcliff Work Release site are given the opportunity to consider a successful transition back to the community through a career in modeling. As the above photo illustrates, the program is meeting or exceeding the community's expectations.

Do you speak Hopelandic?

"[Sigur Ros] front man Jon Birgisson usually sings in one of two languages: Icelandic or 'Hopelandic,' a gibberish he made up that lacks vocabulary and grammar. It's unclear if any of these songs are in Hopelandic, since I don't speak Icelandic; it's all a bit nonsensical to my ear."

In the mood for nonsense? Check out "Hvarf/Heim."

Everything you always wanted to know about rennet*

*but were afraid to ask.

Thanks to Dr. Fankhauser, you can find what you've been looking for:

"Presumably, the first cheese was produced by accident when the ancients stored milk in a bag made from the stomach of a young goat, sheep or cow. They found that the day-old milk would curdle in the bag (stomach), yielding solid chunks (curds) and liquid (whey). Once they discovered that the curd-chunks could be separated out and dried, they had discovered a means by which milk, an extremely perishable food, could be preserved for later use. The addition of salt was found to preserve these dried curds for long periods of time.

"At some point, someone discovered that the most active portion of the young animal's stomach to cause curdling was the abomasum, the last of the four chambers of the stomach of a ruminant animal. (In sequence, the four chambers are rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum.) In particular, the abomasum from a suckling kid or calf was especially active. The abomasum was cut it into strips, salted and dried. A small piece would be added to milk in order to turn it into curds and whey."

Too good to be true

You've probably been a big fan of end times prophet Salem Kirban for a while now. But who can afford access to all of his great materials? The novel 666, for instance (from which the above photo is taken), was called by one reviewer "Possibly the Worst Book Ever Written." Well, now you're in luck. For a limited time, Kirban is offering a fantastic package deal:

"I WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU A generous ASSORTMENT of both my Mini-Books and Newsletters both on Bible prophecy and Alternative health...a $25 value...FREE!

"To receive my free assortment of Mini-Books and Future Events Newsletters... Just send $3 to partially cover shipping costs.

"Respond in the next 5 days... and we will include an extra surprise!"

Reader Poll

So... since I gave Ron Paul a campaign donation today, do you think he'll accept my invitation to be LinkedIn or am I still only at MySpace friend status?

/still can't believe I just donated money to a political candidate

If Frank Miller wrote American history

Honeycrisp time

Monoculture farming has gotten a lot of bad press of late, but I'm guessing its detractors haven't had the pleasure of eating a Honeycrisp apple. The experience is enough to make a convert of any holdout.

Sure, in the era of cider mill fodder such as Jonagolds and McIntoshes, it made sense to seek out the occasional Braeburn or Pink Lady to spice things up, but the arrival of the Honeycrisp signals the dawn of a new golden age of apple eating delight. Hand over that Red Delicious, pal, you've suffered enough.