Someone had to

A selection of images collected after entering the phrase "cat crap" into Google image search:

Eat that braunschweiger while it's fresh!



"About a week after opening, the meat will change from a fresh pinkish color to a dull gray, and will then begin to turn green. If it is not consumed quickly after it first turns gray, the braunschweiger is no longer edible and should be disposed of immediately."

A coworker recommends: Ask a Ninja

Nick sends along this delightful story courtesy of Our-Lady-Of-Gomorrah, Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton unveiled her new video game Thursday but inexplicably called it by the wrong name as she greeted throngs of fans and photographers.

Wearing a green minidress and red platform pumps, Hilton made a brief appearance at the Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam. "Sorry I'm late," the heiress said.

"I'm really excited to have my new video game, Diamondquest. Thank you all for coming and you can download the game," she said.

Serenity Now's World of Warcraft Funeral Raid

This has been floating around the net for a while, but this is the first I'd seen the music video. Kind of reminds me of those cheesy wedding videos.. just a lot darker... and funnier. Credit to Alec.

More clothing options

Some selections from Palmer Cash:

Vonnegut shirts and more



"Even we here at Vonnegut.com are not immune to the siren call of blatant self promotion, and the success of our accidental venture into the T-Shirt trade has taught us one important thing: You people really like T-Shirts.

"So we figure that we can help each other out here. You walk around like a human billboard with the URL of our favorite Web site on your back, and in return you get to wear a classic drawing by Mr. Vonnegut, a sure sign of good taste and intelligence. Everybody comes out a winner."

Mikel Glass

"The battle for the soul of the art world is being fought on a plane between its two extremes. On one side are the classicists- academic realists and the like, who uphold the tradition and spirit of the old masters. On the other side are the contemporary avante garde artists - conceptionalists, et al. There is a pressure to choose sides. Galleries, for example tend to show one type of work or the other. I have a problem: I like both, and my work reflects it."

Getting a Grip



Crunchy Bacon Cole Slaw

Daryl Hall's list of "The Best Things in Life" discovered



Steve from The Sneeze shares an incredible piece of music history with the world:

"I stumbled upon a small treasure in the street the other day.

"I'm not the biggest Hall & Oates fan, but it appears to be the original hand-written list that Daryl Hall refers to in his 1981 hit song 'Kiss on My List.'

"I actually hope the girl the song was written for doesn't see it. She might be a little disappointed."

The Searchers



So we pulled up to the Hacienda Real searching for our lost friend, Coca-Cola made with sugar. We'd heard she might be around these parts, and sure enough there was a full supply of bottles behind the counter.

"Are those for sale?" I asked tentatively, pointing to the Coke bottles.

"Sure."

"Are they local?"

"Nope, they're from Mexico."

"Can I see one?"

He hands me a bottle with a nutritional information sticker slapped on the side. I turn it over to read the ingredients and consider launching into my best Al Pacino impersonation: "#%$^ing corn syrup! What the &#(% is that?!? All I want is some ^&*(ing cane sugar in my %^&#ing cola and all I can *$^#ing get my hands on is this &*#^ing high fructose %&$(!! ^*&#!!!!!"

Instead, I chuckled and told the guy no thanks.

We'll just have to keep searching until we find what we're looking for.

Like donuts? Try them square.



Next time you're in Terre Haute, Indiana, you should give their square donuts a try. Or you could just ask Columbia House to throw one in with your next cd shipment.

"All the donuts are square.

"'Why?' I asked.

"'The guy who founded the place 23 years made them that way. Where you from?'

"'Philadelphia.'

"'Now you can tell everyone in Philadelphia you had a square donut.'

"'OK, I will.'"

R.I.H. George Roche III

Suggestion Box

I just wanted to post an open thread for comments and suggestions regarding PoF's appearance, features, and content. There's been a number of changes to the blog over the last month or two and more may be forthcoming. So tell us - Do you love the store but hate the banner? Do you want a Slepko BBQ apron but there is none to be found? Are you baffled by the poo-hat rating system? Do you want more Robot songs? Have you had it with the derivative posts? Are you wondering where the random sidebar quotes come from?
What say you loyal PoF readers?

Airbrushing = Magic

The Neverending Story Van via Presurfer

Learn to cope with excessive sweat



"Millions of people throughout the world face an isolating, embarrassing, and damaging struggle every day from excessive sweating. Sweaty palms, sweaty feet, sweat soaked armpits and dripping foreheads--hyperhidrosis takes a heavy toll on a person's life. But hyperhidrosis sufferers and their families don’t need to suffer in silence or isolation any more. We can help.

"We’re the International Hyperhidrosis Society and we’re working to improve the lives of people suffering from excessive sweat."

How to cut meat



How to survive an atomic bomb



Via JOHO.

Download Drew's A Panic in a Pagoda album for free



While not coming out and saying directly that it's derivative, the following review does leave the door open for such an interpretation:

"Anyone familiar with the website Toothpaste for Dinner can appreciate Drew T’s talent for drawing stick figures and accompanying sardonic commentary. But did you know he could write songs, too? And play music? And sing? I suspect he also adores Guided by Voices, as this album could pass for a cover of Mag Earwig!, especially 'Belgium,' 'Rebel & the Rock' and 'Minister and Man.' But that’s fine with me: 'suburban sprawls and curtain calls are just expected / come back out and take a bow.'"

Why the British don't invest in braces



"More than 60 percent of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth, according to a survey published Friday.

"The National Dental Survey found that, when it came to oral hygiene, people used whatever was close to hand to pick their teeth.

"More than 60 percent questioned by the British Dental Health Foundation said they used makeshift items, including knives, keys, needles and forks."

Hail to the Chief.... I'm speechless.

Summer project: animate your books



As long as you won't be reading them, you might as well put them to good use freaking out any visitors that might happen to stop by.

Gum Blondes



Via Drawn!: "Jason Kronenwald has taken to using chewing gum to forge his series of celebrity portraits. According to his site:

"'Each Gum Blonde is 100% chewed bubblegum on a plywood backing. No paint or dye is used. The colour is inherent to the gum - the mixing of the colour takes place in the mouth during chewing using an endless variety of flavours made by an endless variety of companies.'"

Awesome!



Sometimes when you wake up and read the news, that's the only word that comes to mind:

"The National Security Agency has been secretly collecting the phone call records of tens of millions of Americans, using data provided by AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth, people with direct knowledge of the arrangement told USA TODAY.

"The NSA program reaches into homes and businesses across the nation by amassing information about the calls of ordinary Americans — most of whom aren't suspected of any crime."

Craig Robinson likes to collect images

Which means we can peruse his gallery of special edition car stickers:



As well as his photo collection of polythene and plastic bags caught in trees:



Thanks, Craig Robinson.

Coming soon: Lectio Divina at halftime



"Fans of the Philadelphia 76ers began to notice it this season. After the final buzzer, superstar Allen Iverson and several of his teammates -- more if Philadelphia has just pulled out an exciting victory -- circle at midcourt in thankful prayer, the players' long arms draped around one another. The Sixers' ritual mimics one that has been taking place in football for more than a decade, when bruised and bloodied players join hands on the 50-yard line after the fourth quarter and give thanks to Jesus for the opportunity to represent him on the grand stage of the National Football League. Baseball players don't pray around second base after the final out but seem to reserve their public thanks to God for post-game interviews. When he shut down the Yankees in Game 6 of the storied 2004 American League Championship Series, Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling declared on national television, 'Tonight was God's work on the mound.'

"Today, more pro athletes than ever are using their respective fields of play as pulpits to express, and promote, their faith."

Anti-immigration protesters declare war on bumpers

Having recently driven by an anti-immigration protest at the local municipal building, it occurred to me that these people need better slogans if they're going to win over America. Not only that, people are far more comfortable with finding out your nuanced opinions by reading the stickers you place on your car than by having you scream at them while they sit at an intersection hoping the light will change. Fortunately, this is where the internet comes in handy, connecting people with a need with the very thing they need most. For instance, each of these selections is made possible thanks to illegalimmigrationbumperstickers.com:


See that play on words? That's actually kind of catchy.

Speaking of catchy:


I'm not really sure what this means, but I'm sure it will appeal to the environmental crowd:


And, finally, any sticker collection would be incomplete without Calvin peeing on something:

Dance, Dance Evolution!

The war on squirrels escalates



Via Cruel: "A Squirrel Launcher is a humorous creation designed to propel an unsuspecting rodent through the air. The squirrel is generally lured into the launching platform with food. After attracting the squirrel, the launcher operator pulls a cord, thus releasing the tension on elastic bands connected to the launching platorm. The resulting force sends the squirrel flying, and hopefully landing in a safe place."

Baby Suit - via BoingBoing

Check out the world's largest frying pan



"The World's Largest Collection of the World's Smallest Versions of the World's Largest Things Traveling Roadside Attraction and Museum is an interactive mobile environment devoted to the exploration and celebration of World's Largest Things. This one of a kind roadside attraction and museum travels all over the country, stopping at World's Largest Things, community cultural centers, roadside attractions, colleges, universities, art events, and museums. Originally a public transportation vehicle for the elderly of Anderson County Kansas, the bus has been transformed into a traveling museum by artist Erika Nelson. This customized bus contains display space for its unique collection of miniature replicas of things such as badgers, otters, bulls, balls of twine, and baseball bats billed as World's Largest."

Ricky Gervais meets Larry David

Seems like it could be awkward.



Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Light the pig



Stand out from the barbecuing crowd with the Lil' Pig or Longhorn Steer models from Pappa's Grills.

Make your own Epi-Man costume and fight food allergies



"It's easy -- just take a look at this PDF file for the instructions."

Where Hasbro feared to tread



"I draw My Little Ponies because I like to bring them to life, and I do not believe the Hasbro executives did them any justice, and because, heck, I enjoy it. I like to give the ponies personalities, darker sides, attitudes."

I'm not so much amused by this mash-up as amazed by the sheer amount of effort it took to produce it: Titanic 2

Also, HitAndRun notes this Lawrence Welk/Velvet Underground Mashup that pre-dates the current mash-up trend. Good stuff.

Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser on their way



The Great Curve reports that Dark Horse Comics will publish Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser fantasy stories, both in prose and comic formats, as well as a new series based on the duo.

"Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser are two seminal sword-and-sorcery heroes created by, and based on, Fritz Leiber (1910–1992) and Harry Otto Fischer (1910–1986). They are the protagonists of what are probably Leiber's best-known stories. Started before the publication of Lord Of The Rings the Lankhmar books are in many ways an unintentional anti-LOTR - hip where LOTR is ponderous, sexy where it is chaste, knowingly amoral."

Happy Cinco de Mayo

No, you didn't



Klevay points out a helpful website that lets us discover how quickly discussions with Socrates descend into pointless debate.

Speaking of peaches... shaveeverywhere.com

Stolen from those wacky kids over at etc.

No fire in the bedroom?



Start one outside:

"Clear latex balloons, condoms and gloves are opaque until they stretch. The focal length on these spheres is short, about one to two inches, depending on the size of the balloon.

"I'm sure a latex glove would also work. I've used Saran Wrap draped over a wide mouth coffee mug. Just add water and twist up the corners to make a water balloon lens. You can pop a dark air filled balloon with the water balloon lens. I think clear animal intestine could also be used."

Link via M&C.

Fun with corn and oil



Via DoL:

"It takes a lot of petroleum in the form of diesel fuel, fertilizer, plastic and pesticides to produce and distribute corn and turn it into moonshine -- about 7 barrels of oil to produce 8 barrels of corn-based ethanol. Making ethanol from sugar would be worse because formidable U.S. trade barriers push the cost of sugar far above the world price (making Brazil's ethanol industry irrelevant). Making ethanol from waste is hypothetical for now, as is the uncertain cost. Because ethanol can't flow through pipelines, it is twice as expensive as oil to transport -- by fuel-burning truck or rail.

"Unfortunately, there is much less energy in 8 gallons of ethanol than in the 7 gallons of gasoline-equivalent needed to produce it. The Energy Department estimates the highway mileage of a Nissan Titan drops from 18 mpg to 13 mpg by switching to E85 (85 percent ethanol)."

Gotta love wealthy and embittered capitalists



Now that Rage Against the Machine is out of the media spotlight, Tool seems happy to step into the role of capitalist band that hates capitalism. The band sold 600,000 albums on the first day of the release of its new album, but lead singer Maynard James Keenan still manages to complain about the "system":

"'There are some bands around making some interesting sounds, like Autolux, Isis, the Mars Volta, but the capitalist system in place where the middleman is making all of the profit and has such as stranglehold on the artistic process that anybody doing anything that you can't categorise misses out. So there's all of these local bands doing these really interesting things but they'll never be able to get huge - not that they necessarily want to. Music is the same as wine; everything is being watered down, there's no way you can have something concentrated and flavourful and make it work on a major scale.

"'As a wine connoisseur, I'm always hearing people say, 'You've just got to get out and travel around the country and Europe - go to this guy with a house on the side of the road, he's got better wine because it's small-scale and hands-on.' I think that is what is going to happen to bands, because the conglomerates of the world haven't developed their palate.'"

I haven't checked too many roadside record stores, but Tool's release through the conglomerate Sony is available at most major retailers.

Crop Art



"Dedicated to the beauty of seeds pasted on a board to make a picture."

Check out the full line of Cat Crap products



"What's that crap hanging around your neck? 3 mm lanyard keeps your SPF 15 Cat Crap lip balm readily accessible all day. Cat Crap included."

"When I first put cat crap on my lips, I noted the fragrant smell of cat crap and could not resist licking the cat crap from my lips to taste it. I must say, since I have been putting cat crap on my lips they have been really smooth."

Also available: Anti-fog lens cleaner

"How to use Cat Crap

"1. Remove any material that will scratch the lens (dust, insects, etc.)
"2. Apply a small amount with your finger to cover the entire lens
"3. Buff the lens with a clean micro fibre cloth or chamois until all Cat Crap has been buffed off.
"4. This will give you a clean streak free lens or visor that is highly resistant to fogging."

Monkey steals the peach



Via Affected Clapping: Rumors about this dreadful move have been floating around for years, but now it's available for all to see. Truly, knowledge is power!

What a Kroc...



“In 2004, Mrs. Joan Kroc, widow of McDonald's founder Ray Kroc, gave The Salvation Army an estate gift in excess of $1.5 billion for the exclusive purpose of building KROC Centers in many communities across the United States. None of the gift can be used for existing programs, services or administrative costs.”
The bequest was to be used to build 30 community centers across the country.

The selected cities are:
Long Beach, California; Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; Honolulu, Hawaii; Phoenix-South Mountain, Arizona; Salem, Oregon; and San Francisco -- Tenderloin, California.

“The application process was very competitive and site selections were made based on the following criteria: how well the proposals advance The Salvation Army's mission to meet human needs in Christ's name; implement Mrs. Kroc's vision to give kids opportunities they would not otherwise have; enhance under-served communities; cost-effectively develop high-quality KROC Centers; and provide the best opportunity for long-term sustainability.”

In contrast, luxury resorts using the criteria of tourism, scenic value, recreation opportunities, wealth concentration, and luxury demand, now plan to open facilities in Detroit, Philly, Chicago – southside, Washington, D.C. – anywhere on the Metro orange line, and Hillsdale, Michigan.

“NOTE: Traditional social service programs that The Salvation Army is noted for such as homeless feeding and emergency family services are not part of this Center and individuals seeking such assistance will be referred to the Army's existing programs throughout the city and surrounding areas.”

Deep discounts soon expected on airfare to London



"London mayor Ken Livingstone has lifted the lid on his toilet habits, revealing he has not flushed the loo in 15 months.

"Livingstone said there was 'no earthly reason' to bother if there was just urine in the bowl, he said Tuesday.

"It's just that people have a perception that their urine is some sort of liquid form of their excreta.

"'A lot of gardeners put their urine in a bucket and actually use it. Plant roots love it.'"

Clowes interview



Via The Great Curve: Wired interviews Daniel Clowes about the upcoming movie Art School Confidential.

"WN: Do you read comics online?

"Clowes: I don't read much of anything online. It's not an enjoyable experience for me to read something with light projected through it."

McCain tries to clean up the Constitution



Whoa, there, free speech! Via DoL: "[T]alking about campaign finance reform....I know that money corrupts....I would rather have a clean government than one where quote First Amendment rights are being respected, that has become corrupt. If I had my choice, I'd rather have the clean government."

You can listen to the full exchange here, but you have to look at Don Imus.

New Pearl Jam



Some have said of his past work that "Eddie Vedder is too derivative of Jim Morrison," but the latter is no longer making music, so that may not be such a bad thing. Listen to Eddie's new cd to see if he's still able to channel Morrison.

Happy May Day



"Unfortunately, there were men in the new world of a sterner faith than these Maypole worshippers. Not far from Merry Mount was a settlement of Puritans, most dismal wretches, who said their prayers before daylight, and then wrought in the forest or the corn-field till evening made it prayer time again. Their weapons were always at hand to shoot down the straggling savage. When they met in conclave, it was never to keep up the old English mirth, but to hear sermons three hours long, or to proclaim bounties on the heads of wolves and the scalps of Indians. Their festivals were fast days, and their chief pastime the singing of psalms. Wo to the youth or maiden who did but dream of a dance! The selectman nodded to the constable; and there sat the light-heeled reprobate in the stocks; or if he danced, it was round the whipping-post, which might be termed the Puritan Maypole."

-Nathaniel Hawthorne, "The May-Pole of Merry Mount"

Fat + salt + hot water = a stringy block of heaven



It's time to eat and you haven't been to the store in weeks. What do you do? Check out the Official Ramen Homepage for recipes. Reach to the back of your cupboard and dust off a tasty package. Fall to sleep dreaming of your noodle god.