"Would you like a hair sandwich?"

Any article with a title like that sounds like it might be worth a look and quickly becomes a must-read after this lede: "Like all good stories, this one begins with a bull humping a cow in the middle of the road." Joe Keohane's Slate piece goes on to chronicle the exploits of one Alan Abel: "America's greatest living hoaxer."

The bovine incident above and the horrified reaction of his fellow motorists inspired Abel:

The idea was to write a satire about a group called "The Society for Indecency to Naked Animals," or SINA, which would call for animals to be clothed for the sake of decency. Abel submitted his story to the Saturday Evening Post, but when the editors missed the joke and angrily rejected it, he got an even better idea and founded SINA for real in 1959. The agenda: to get Bermuda shorts on horses, dogs, and any animal taller than 4 inches or longer than 6. The battle cry: "A nude horse is a rude horse!"

Read the whole story.

Comic books that history forgot

Or are they?

Via Julian.

L. Ron's wackiness declared unoriginal

Turns out that after searching out various forms of idiocy, L. Ron Hubbard stumbled upon a German text from 1934 that would seal his destiny - Scientologie.

Apparently, the book was just silly enough and just obscure enough that he could believably pass the ideas off as his own and, with the dedicated service of his trusty Sea Organization, begin spreading the good news.

Mario the player

Mario pre-mushroom kingdom by ~SilentKV on deviantART

Evidently, Mario did pretty well for himself, even before he rescued the princess.

Via Shaun.

Kimmel's Revenge

Bringing home baby

Just one of a series of helpful parenting tips for new parents the world over. Don't let the Spanish throw you off, the title says "Baby care instructions," so you can't go wrong following these simple guidelines for looking after junior.

Props to fellow Hillsdale expat James.

Up up and awaaaaaay......

Via SayNoToCrack

LOLCat Bible

Via PopSci: A couple years ago, a Web sensation was born when a bunch of people started posting photos of cute animals—mostly kittens—doing funny stuff, mostly with computers, and captioning these photos in the weird pidgen of baby talk and IM slang now known as 'lolspeak.'

"Once you’re proficient, you’ll no doubt want to assist in the effort to translate the Bible into lolspeak. Important rule of thumb: Remember that 'God' is translated as 'Ceiling Cat,' as in this passage from Genesis 1:1: 'In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.'"

Not So Square After All.....

Spongebob Squarepants Musical Rectal Thermometer

Via BoingBoing

Everyday Normal Guy

Credit to Alec.

Black Hole coming to the big screen

Via Newsarama: Charles Burns' Black Hole is supposedly coming to a theater near you...eventually. David Fincher of Zodiac and Se7en fame just signed on to direct the weirdness.

"I'm Old Greg!"

Bible Fight!

Play it here! And if that's not enough to slake your bloodlust, the folks at Adult Swim have also created: "Viva Caligula!" and "Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself)".

Congressional Ballin'

President's Day is overrated; Congress is where it's at:



This (above) combined with this (below) equals awesome.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I’m entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who’s gonna do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use ‘em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide them! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You’re goddamn right I did!!

The inspiration of cheap perfume

Where would rock be without this staple? Who knew the music industry owed so much to Journey? Both questions are equally frightening.

Here's a sampling of the void that would exist without cheap perfume:

- Bobby Borchers, "Cheap Perfume And Candlelight," 1977

"Your prey was out there dressed to kill
In cheap perfume and candlelight"

- Journey, "Don’t Stop Believin’," Escape, 1981

"A singer in a smokey room; A smell of wine and cheap perfume; For a smile they can share the night; It goes on and on and on and on"

- Pavement, "Perfume-V," Slanted & Enchanted: Luxe & Reduxe, 2002

"when it looks life a wife's ex-plot; we'll cover all the rugs with cheap perfume"

- Fall Out Boy, "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me," From Under the Cork Tree, 2005

"Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's; So fitting, so fitting of the way you are"

- Avril Lavigne, "Everything Back But You," The Best Damn Thing, 2007

"Smelled like cheap perfume; And it didn't smell like you"

- Modest Mouse, "We've Got Everything," We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, 2007

"Flat Top Tony got all messed up split his lip chasing cheap perfume"

Tentacle Implants

I'm not sure when Tattoos for Toddlers will start offering tentacle implants, but it sure seems like a winning combination to me.

Play it again, Sam...

Via Janet.

Once more with feeling...

Happy Valentine's Day

Love,
PoF

Catholic Costumes for Children

Catholic Costumes for Children not only provides handmade outfits from farm women in Kansas, but it also offers what the site apparently considers anti-pedophilia costume advice:

"if your older boy is portraying St. Isaac Jogues, provide fake bloody fingers - the Iroquois chewed off the Saint's fingers after seeing him offer the Mass because they thought he was performing magic!"

Via The Presurfer.