That not-so-smurfy feeling

Sad news from Croatia.

It's like a scene from a psychedelic dream or some cheese-induced nightmare.

But the bizarre sight of almost 400 grown men, women and children covered head to foot in blue paint wearing white trousers and floppy white hats is actually a serious record-breaking attempt.

The record they were trying to smash was the much-coveted "most Smurfs gathered together at one time."

But it wasn't meant to be.

Go here for the tragic conclusion.

On the bright side, at least paint comes off.

Via H&R.

"He called the s#!t, poop!"

Placing flaming bags of crap on a neighbor's porch is so fourth grade. Now, via poopsenders.com, you can anonymously and safely send piles of crap to your neighbors, boss, co-workers, ex or whoever else pisses you off. It's clean (for you) and affordable!

They also have a "raunchy" version of the site available here. What are you waiting for?

Headline source: one of the greatest movies of all time.

Via Shaun.

"I could chew Alaska."

So says an anonymous compulsive ice chewer quoted in a recent WSJ piece on the latest craze to sweep the nation: Pagophagia!

Also, I thought I lived in the Bible Belt, but according to some chewers, the South is the "Chew Belt."

Via Jacob.

The Hawaii-Chair

Via Cynical-C.

Cheeseburger in a Can!

While we're on the topic of bizarre foodstuffs, go ahead and order yourself some canned cheeseburgers, you know, for camping. Those Swiss with their zany woodsmen ways.

The folks at Gizmodo can't decide if this development is really cool or really awful. It's that last one.

Via the Agitator.

Rap Snacks

Rap Snacks: The Official Snacks of Hip Hop. I almost bought some of these today, thinking "I should have a party, just to invite people over to admire my Rap Snacks..." Then I remembered I have a blog for this sort of thing. I think my favorite part of Rap Snacks may be the inspirational message that appears with each rapper. Stat Quo's Sour Cream and Cheddar tells us to "Pursue your college degree," while Murphy Lee's Red Hot Riplets simply encourages us to "Pimp education." Much can be learned from Rap Snacks indeed.

'For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch"'

...the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape.

Full listing here.

If that and truck nuts don't complete your anatomical design scheme, splurge on Jingle Jugs for those boring, bare walls. Or, maybe not.

Black is the new black

Seriously.

U.S. researchers said on Tuesday they have made the darkest material on Earth, a substance so black it absorbs more than 99.9 percent of light.

Made from tiny tubes of carbon standing on end, this material is almost 30 times darker than a carbon substance used by the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology as the current benchmark of blackness.

Via io9.

O'Connell does Cruise

In the fine tradition of Seth Green as Chris Crocker, Jerry O'Connell moves from a PTS to a full-blown SP with this video.

You would think he might be concerned about Hollywood's revenge on his acting career, but perhaps he figures he has little to lose at this point.

Ode to the pickled watermelon rind

"But in a jar put up by Felicity,
The summer which maybe never was
Has been captured and preserved.
And when we unscrew the lid
And slice off a piece
And let it linger on our tongue;
Unicorns become possible again."

- "Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle," by John Tobias

Hungry for some? The good news is that pickled watermelon rind is easy to make or buy!

General Butt Naked

Strangely clothed in the photo above, General Butt Naked looks back on his life of naked warfare, child sacrifice and cannibalism and discovers that he has some regrets.

Link via Shaun.

Trouble at home drives man to...

Piracy!

At least that's what this Wikipedia entry claims of "The Gentleman Pirate," Stede Bonnet.

"Because of marital problems, and despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided to turn to piracy in the summer of 1717."

Hoff Update

First, E! is getting ready to spin some “Tales of the Hoff,” a Ryan Seacrest-produced scripted comedy starring David Hasselhoff. The project — part of E!’s previously announced move toward adding scripted programming into its mix — will follow the fictional dark and twisted trials and tribulations of an international icon as he navigates Hollywood and the world of dating after divorce.

Second, I have once again received a 2008 Hoff calendar which I share with all of you and encourage its dissemination.

Third, Todd Seavey's upcoming Reason article on nanotech, which details his visit to Scotland and meetings with leading nanotech scientists, features this odd tidbit: In his lab is a David Hasselhoff poster that says "I tried to save the world, but I forget to save myself. --The Hoff." Todd kept me apprised of the editing process and not only was this not cut from the article, the editors were interested in including a picture of the poster for, as Todd puts it, "the article... the article on nanotech."

And, last but not least, rumor has it that the Hoff should be appearing both Anaconda 3 and Anaconda 4.

Ginger Kids

The International Ginger Kids Foundation, or IGKF ,is a not-for-profit organization founded in 2002. The goal of the IGKF is to achieve equality, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for Ginger Kids all over the world. Gingervitis is a serious disease affecting millions of people. Every day 1337 children are born with gingervitis in the United States alone. Not only do these special people have to struggle with a life long disease in which there is no known cure, they are often the target of ridicule and jokes. The only way we will ever find a cure is if we work together.

We are people too, even if we don't have souls.

An Infernal "Art" Machine

The Casino de Luxembourg has recently held a retrospective exhibition of Delvoye's defecating machines.

The whole family was there: Cloaca Original, Cloaca - New & Improved, Cloaca Turbo, Cloaca Quattro, Cloaca N° 5, Super Cloaca and Personal Cloaca. Plus original drawings, 3D and x-ray photographs, models of Cloaca Clinic gates, videos, sealed bags of Cloaca Faeces and other paraphernalia.

The brand new 8th Cloaca, Mini Cloaca, was premiered at the Casino. The tubular structure is made of metal and glass, and composed of mechanical organs that swallow, grind, digest and defecate a given amount of food. While Super Cloaca consumes 300 kg of food and produces 80 kg of faeces per day, the quantity of food ingested by the dwarfed one is equivalent to that of a breakfast.

Also be sure to check out the Cloaca testimonials and the gift shop, which includes a Wim Delvoye action figure with Cloaca toy, a Cloaca viewmaster, and Cloaca toiletpaper. Incidentally, when not devising new fecal machinations, Devoye also tattoos pigs.

More at We Make $ Not Art.

p.s. You don't even want to know how much freeze dried bags of Cloaca-doo are selling for. It will only make you sad.

Tod Holton, Super Green Beret!

For this little gem, I'm digging way back into the archives (it's on geocities for pete's sake!) of the intertubes to bring you something very special indeed: a page-by-page deconstruction of possibly the worst comic book ever produced: Tod Holton, Super Green Beret! I'll admit that the humor suffers in places, but for me that just adds to the spectacle of it all.

Hopefully, the image above doesn't somehow violate photobucket's terms of service as the photo of the fake testicles did in my first post.

When the Sunday Times Crossword Gets Old

Check out Music Cube - a nifty (and hard) pop music rebus game.

Yee-Haw!

Lasagna Cat, tributes to Jim Davis. More fun with Garfield.

Change the margins, change the world?

No doubt upsetting students everywhere trying to meet paper page requirements, Tamara Krinsky is spearheading a movement to save the environment by reducing default margin settings:

"As I was doing my usual margin-changin' thang while printing out a document for my boss, a light bulb went off in my brain. What if you could get people to adopt changing paper margins on a large scale? What if you could get companies to adopt narrower margins as their printing standard? It would result in a lot less paper consumption. Which of course means saving a lot of trees and cutting down on a lot of waste...but only if a massive amount of people changed their margins."

Anyone interested in starting a competing movement has a decent shot, as changethefontsize.com remains unregistered.

When Just Reading the Comics Isn't Enough

Geist's breath fogs the winter air as he surveys the frozen Minneapolis skyline, searching for signs of trouble. His long duster flaps in the breeze as his eyes flick behind reflective sunglasses; a wide-brim hat and green iridescent mask shroud his identity from those who might wish him harm.

Should a villain attack, the Emerald Enforcer carries a small arsenal to defend himself: smoke grenades, pepper spray, a slingshot, and a pair of six-inch fighting sticks tucked into sturdy leather boots. Leather guards protect Geist's arms; his signature weapon, an Argentinean cattle-snare called bolos, hangs from a belt-holster.
...
Soon Geist faces his first obstacle: parking on the left side of a one-way street. "Usually one of my superpowers is parallel parking," he chuckles as he eases his car into the spot, emerging victorious with a foot and a half between curb and tire. He feeds a gauntleted fistful of quarters into the parking meter, and then pops the trunk on the Geistmobile to retrieve his precious cargo. On the street, he encounters businesspeople on lunch break—some stare openly; others don't even notice his garish attire. "It's easier in winter," Geist says with a laugh. "Winter in Minnesota, everybody's dressed weird."

More on the lives of real life super heros. via HitAndRun