2006 Air Guitar World Championships

"Air Guitar World Championships took place in Club Teatria, Oulu, for the 11th time. Japan's strong presence produced a world champion and this year Ochi 'Dainoji' Yosuke gets a chance to spread the gospel of air guitars. Yosuke outplayed the other skillful contestants with his simplistic but extremely classy air guitarring."

Marc and Matt Movie Review: The Big Lebowski

“This is not ‘Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.” When Walter (John Goodman) utters these lines as he is holding a gun to Smokey’s head in The Big Lebowski, it perfectly captures the mood of this Coen brothers’ cult classic.

Joel and Ethan Coen have a history of making great films. From Blood Simple to O Brother, Where Art Thou?, from Barton Fink to Fargo, they have helped keep alive the independence and intelligence of American film.

Read more...

Basically, The Big Lebowski’s plot centers on Jeff Lebowski – who would prefer to be called “The Dude” or “El Duderino,” if you’re not into the whole brevity thing – and his attempts to get his rug back after a “Chinaman” urinates on it. Jeff Bridges plays the Dude with just the right blend of drug-induced confusion and laid-back apathy.

The Dude is upset that his rug is ruined because it “really tied the room together,” but he struggles to overcome his own inertia in order to do anything about it. His friend Walter (a former Vietnam vet who is fired up because of the Gulf War), however, hears of the situation and pushes the Dude to take a stand against “unchecked aggression” by working to get his rug replaced.

Walter serves as an effective foil to the Dude: he is high-strung where the Dude is mellow, and served in Vietnam when the Dude was protesting against the war. Walter has a skewed perception of the world that involves seeing boundaries everywhere and a proper way to do everything. This leads to many humorous moments such as the aforementioned time he pulls a gun on a pacifist to resolve a bowling dispute.

As with most Coen brothers’ films, The Big Lebowski has a rich cast of characters. David Huddleston excellently plays "The Big Lebowski" himself, a man with the same name as the Dude who turns out to be the reason behind the rug urination incident. Julianne Moore is his daughter – an artist who enjoys painting in the nude while strapped into a flying harness.

John Turturro puts in arguably one of his best performances in the role of Jesus (pronounced like the deity) Quintana, a man with excellent bowling skills and a police record for being a pederast. Steve Buscemi plays the addled Donnie, bowling partner of the Dude and Walter, who is oblivious to everything but the strikes he consistently rolls. Flea, of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame, plays a member of a roving band of nihilists who believe in nothing and threaten the Dude’s manhood with a marmot. Sam Elliot appears as The Stranger, a narrator who frames the film and offers an homage to film noir films of the past.

These varied and well-developed characters, among others, combine to make for a fine viewing experience. The interaction is well-scripted and acted. The film also includes numerous Coen brothers’ offbeat trademarks. Perhaps the most remarkable is the dream sequence of the Dude where he imagines a surreal world of bowling and a chorus line in the sky all set to a psychedelic Kenny Rogers’ song.

A number of reviewers have criticizes the films of the Coens for being contemptuous of the common man and for mocking the audience. While the latter may be true, the idea that this film shows contempt toward the common man is ludicrous. The Dude and Walter seem to be the happiest characters of the movie, while the rich and the intellectuals are portrayed as either melancholy or semi-deranged.

This being a Coen brothers’ film, a recount of the plot would be long and superfluous. Let it be said, however, that this movie has been hailed by some as their best effort ever (though we are partial to that designation going to Miller’s Crossing). It is now available in a number of DVD versions for casual viewers and hardcore fans, and would be a worthwhile rental for those interested in an intelligent and hilarious trip.

Gift idea

Via The Presurfer: "What's the only way to moon that perfect individual and get your feelings out from thousands of miles away while remaining completely anonymous? AssInTheBox, that's how!"

Matt Cale on art

"Art, so debased and devalued as a term as to be nearly valueless, has, at least in recent times, been used less as an accurate label of content, and more as a political sledgehammer to inflict taste and decency on others. If it’s not good for you, it is said, it can only serve to harm both the individual and the culture at large. Art in service of morality is almost always propaganda, but its greatest crime might be in its failure to provide a good time. The very concept of Jackass, then, is a rebuke to the idea that edifying entertainment is the only goal worth pursuing. Moreover, it understands that while human beings erect great monuments to their alleged desire to strive and progress, what they really want is to have the other guy feel the sting of life’s woes. All of our frustrations, resentments, hatreds, and bitterness can be expunged in one great swoop, all by watching our fellow man put each other through the ringer."

Drew on Ayn Rand

"I think there is room for both viewpoints. I think it is OK for someone to be a Satanist, since Ayn Rand is legal and Satanism is pretty much the same as objectivism. And I think it is OK for people to be Homosexuals. I think those guys should all get together and talk, and the gay guys in the background will teach the Satanist what it is like to be loved.

"A lot of things can be solved this way."

The $2,130,000 Comma

A comma-crazed legal drafter has cost a Canadian telecommie $2 million dollars.

On the other hand, at least it's only Canadian dollars.

More exciting though is that I didn't even know they had utility poles in the Maritimes. In the same all-news-is-good-news vein, finding out that the Maritimes have electricity inadvertently is sort of like even though the Orange Revolution has petered out, people (who don't play Risk) now know that all that land in (formerly) southern Czarlandia isn't just full of hillbilly Russians. Dang it all, those hillbillies have a name!


Credit: Igor

Potter Porn

New pics of Potter 5!



Umbridge is the icon I use for my 2 minutes of hate.

Flair-quest

My Dearest Flairidians,*

I am in search of a good online Ebonics translator. In general, I have been very disappointed in what I have found so far. Any shout outs from my flair-peeps would be appreciated.

http://www.joel.net/EBONICS/translator.asp
It's okay, but doesn't seem to do much beyond add an assortment of phrases like "...and git Sheniquah's ass back ova' heeah." at the end of every paragraph. Better than:
http://www.billism.com/eng_to_ebon_trans.html
which only adds one phrase.

http://www.writtenhumor.com/ebonics.html
Does nothing but change a few prepositions and pronouns.

http://www.degraeve.com/translator.php
And while I want to like this one, only its Smurf-lation function is of any remote merit.

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/
While the Jive function might be helpful in a final edit, it still ain't good enuff. I do like the Swedish Chef option. Bork bork bork!

I do think I know what I want for Christmas though:
http://www.ebonicpersuit.com/


--
*I sort of like Piecesovies, but it might be taken as too derisive by some of you pussies out there...

Tap into your muse of pain

Via Cruel - "The National Headache Foundation is holding a literary contest:

"'The purpose of this booklet of poetry is to compile a collection of headache-related verse representing the headache sufferer through the written word.'

"It may be tough to top 'In the Company of Headache Pain,' the example poem."

Chornobyl is So Passé...

...so why not try the radon-enriched health spa in Khmilnyk, Vinnytsya Oblast in Western Ukraine:

Exactly here, in the silence of the thick forest, one can rest mentally and physically and those vacationists who wish to improve the state of their health will be able to evaluate properly antiphlogistic and soothing properties of radon baths.

You must know that the main medicinal factor of the spa is radon. What is radon and what effect does it have on human being's organism? It is a product of decay of radium, short-term active isotope (half-life - 3,8 24 hours). It belongs to the group of rare gases. The main working factor of radon are alpha rays which have a great variety of various properties and is successfully used in treatment of peripheral nervous system, locomotorium, vascular, gynecological and some cutaneous diseases and also complications after burns. During taking radon baths unstable products of decay of radon form on the skin the so called "active fur", concentration of which increases even during light movements of the patients in the bath or in the basin. It consolidates its grip on one's skin firmly enough and remains on the skin for 2-3 hours. The patient, being in the bath, is rayed by radon which penetrates through the skin and lungs into the blood flow.
...
And, sure, what bar or restaurant would do without inflammatory disco rhythms? What can relax soul and body better than as dances? Music corresponding to the taste of either youth and adults sounds here. [Yes, and boogie-oogie-oogie away the night, which may well be your last as the sweet, sweet embrace of lung cancer solves all your stress--FOREVER.]

Be sure to leave plenty of time, after all, why be forced to choose between inhalation radonic baths* and peat applications** when you can do both.

Hmm, why is it that Slavs have a hard time living past 50?


Credit: Mrs. J

---
*As seen in Superman II, it's actually the guy in the chamber who's safe.
**aka Be-Your-Own-Chia


Editor's Note: This all reminds me of my annual check up I had here in Kyiv when they smeared my chest with oil and then attached jumper cables to my nippular area. But not to be out done, the dentists clean your teeth until your mouth bleeds for days on end. I'll update you after the laser eye procedure (BYOBatteries)...

Cultural Dissonance

Shanghai Universities Test Students' Sanity

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - Students at several Shanghai universities were surprised, frightened and confused when asked to rate their psychological health in a questionnaire, a state newspaper reported on Tuesday. More than 5,000 first-year students at Shanghai University were asked to rate their feelings on a five-point scale in 90 situations, including "hearing voices that others can't hear" and "having the idea that someone can control your thoughts," the Shanghai Daily said.

So, in the New America where there are no wrong answers, I still have to wonder in the New China what the correct answer might be, according to the Party, for “Do you believe that someone can control your thoughts?"

I hear Question 87 is, "Hypothetically, what would you do if the People's tank tries to run over you?" Followed by, "Who should be punished more: Tibet or Taiwan?"

CAIR Bears or CAIRwolves?

"Seats twelve jihadists...free rubber swords for the kitties...Fatwa Fridays"

I hate Tucker and I hate CAIR, but this is a marriage made in Paradise.




But again, PoF has had the solution all along, which is no doubt more effective than Casey Kasem's response to the Carbombya Crisis of '86.

Spork Me

This website expresses my own, individual opinions. It, in no way, reflects the feelings or opinions of the United States Government, Peace Corps, or the Ukrainian Government or people.

Now that that's out of the way, read Sheetz's Ode to the Spoon.


This is really what the Internet is all about.

Rumsfeld fans enjoy Hummers, Madagascar and swearing

Via Exploding Cigar: "Someone’s head is going to roll at Fox TV since many east coast markets heard an unbleeped f-word on Sunday night’s Family Guy broadcast. West coasters can catch up by viewing the uncensored Family Guy clip at YouTube."

Uwe Boll Beats Critics Into Submission... Literally

Tired of the criticism of his films, controversial German film director Uwe Boll took on four of his critics in a Vancouver boxing ring, and ended each bout with a knockout.

The director of the vampire flick "BloodRayne," based on a video game and starring Kristanna Loken and Ben Kingsley, issued a fight challenge to his critics several months ago. Fifteen responded.

"I like now the critics," Boll told a news conference after the fights on Saturday. "Everybody who was in the ring showed (guts). Nobody dived.

"If they write about my movies without even seeing the movies then it's really annoying. If you make a movie like 'House of the Dead,' a zombie movie, what are they expecting? 'Schindler's List'?"

Via Etc.

I wonder what he'll threaten critics of the boxing match itself with...

Become an authority figure

If you don't have access to a clip-on tie, you can always throw on a SWAT-esque hat and jacket and enforce overdue fines with extreme prejudice.

PETA Defends Fellow Roaches

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion.

A spokeswoman for the animal rights organization says the contest at the amusement park's FrightFest is "gratuitously cruel."

The park in Gurnee, Ill., is joining other Six Flags parks in offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. The bugs are up to three inches long.

The contest begins next month.

Amusement park officials are defending their menu choice. Great America spokesman Jim Taylor says the bugs are nutritious, high in protein and fat free.

My Make-A-Wish-Foundation Wish

Along the same lines as Steve Martin's Holiday Wish schtick or Meredith's dream Springer episode, I would like to put Eleanor Clift and Ann Coulter in two glass cages and watch them fight to the death like a couple of beta fish slamming themselves against their clear plastic cups. (Not because I don't like them, au contraire, they are the only women I've ever truly loved--and I just don't have enough love for them both, so this seemed the logical next step...)

Just sharing.

SUVs Targeted By Persons of Mole

The Moscow Times reports that Rodents Of Unusual Size are turning the city into a Fire Swamp:

A sport utility vehicle was swallowed up by a hole of mud and pavement, and a major street was briefly flooded after a water main exploded Sunday in northern Moscow. No one was injured when the one-meter-wide pipe burst around 2 p.m., creating a chasm five meters by seven meters...the car, a Ford Explorer, was entirely submerged, its grill slowly sinking into the sludge...The incident is the third of its kind in the city in the past two weeks...Similar incidents have occurred in recent years, including two deadly ones that claimed the lives of two people who fell into boiling swamps of mud and water created by leaking underground hot-water pipes. "These collapses are happening just way too often," [said a nearby resident.] "This means that something is wrong with the system."

The said nearby resident has since been thrown down a make shift hole by unsaid authorities. While officials have blamed Mole Man, international donor agency-funded advocacy groups have chastised them for spreading hate by not properly referring to Rossijan minorities as persons of mole.

Pugilist Smurf

From DeJuiced: Meet Arthur Abraham. Arthur Abraham is the official, recognized IBF middleweight champion. (The IBF being one of the 249 official sanctioning bodies of boxing.) And he’s being sued by the Smurfs.

You see, Arthur’s nickname is the Smurf. Seriously. His ring entrance music is the smurf theme song. He wears a golden smurf hat. For some reason, the Smurf people are upset about this. They have sent a cease-and-desist letter to Abraham, telling him to lose the song and the hat.

Having given up on the Smurfs for copyright reasons, he now plans to enter the ring as "King Arthur."

Marc and Matt Movie Review: The Human Tornado

If there ever was a defender of individual liberty and a fighter for market competition, it would be Rudy Ray Moore, creator and star of the Dolemite movies. In the second installment of his action-packed adventure series, Dolemite is accurately described by the movie’s title, The Human Tornado (1976). A character of mythical proportions and flanked by an all-star cast including Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters), Dolemite goes on a free-for-all fighting extravaganza to take down the Man and manages to get some ladies while he’s at it.

Read more...

While perhaps not in the league of a Super Fly or Shaft, The Human Tornado has all the familiar characteristics of the era’s Blaxploitation cinema: a funky soundtrack, kung fu fighting, Technicolor outfits, gratuitous nudity and a laughable plot. Speaking of which, the plot begins and ends in a house on a hill. According to the movie, an “Okie” sheriff stumbles upon his wife in bed with the Tornado, and all hell breaks loose as he tries to track Dolemite down and exact his revenge.

Dolemite performs an entertaining comedy routine at a night club owned by a long-time friend, the Queen Bee. Complications arise, though, when a competing mob-connected night club owner (Catavelli) tries to shut her down by kidnapping her star dancers. Needless to say, a great deal of action ensues as these worlds collide and multiple karate experts have it out with one another.

An interesting an unusual spin is the inclusion of an undercurrent of witchcraft. The supernatural has rarely been portrayed as well since Blacula. It would be fascinating to uncover how the filmmakers came to such an understanding of the occult and what research was put into the strange and frightening symbols displayed within the witch’s evil lair.

Truly, though, the plot in the film is a secondary factor, and viewers should appreciate it on another level. Plenty of comedic moments are blended with knock-out fighting and a raw style of acting that lacks the overproduced and polished attempts seen in many of today’s major motion pictures.

There are also occasional moments of startling special effects, including a dramatic replay of Dolemite making a daring jump from his would-be oppressors. It is possible, however, that viewers desensitized by the special effects of popcorn flicks like Independence Day and Titanic will be disappointed. Nonetheless, The Human Tornado should still provide a refreshing change from standard box office fare.

It must be noted at this point how disappointed the reviewers are that Rudy Ray Moore’s acting and imagination have not been put to greater use. There was a long, unexplainable absence from the silver screen, for instance, between 1982’s Penitentiary II and 1997’s Fakin’ da Funk. His numerous talents include the writing and producing of the documentary The Legend of Dolemite (1994) and, showing his willingness to accept a wide range of roles, he acted as set decorator on the original Dolemite picture. The good news, however, is that he recently released an album of his greatest hits. Fans can also seek out a book of his exploits entitled Dolemite: The Story of Rudy Ray Moore.

All in all, the acting in The Human Tornado is horrible, the plot is superficial, the directing is choppy and the production quality is poor at best. Nonetheless, this is definitely a movie everyone needs to see.

Site Announcements

A few of you have already noticed the nifty new sidebar feature which lets you keep track of the latest brilliant and pithy insights generated in the comments. If you haven't well, then, go ahead and notice it now... I'll wait.

In other exciting blog news, the PoF archives have now been completely tagged. A number of dead links were also fixed in the process. [BTW - for the truly bored, you can trace the evolution of PoF using the Internet Archive Wayback Machine.]

If you would like a free email account @pofblog.com or @piecesofflair.org, just shoot me an email with your preferred account name. There's both a webmail option and a forwarding option.

This is also my last day of work at the court and I'll be starting a new job in a week. Since I'm moving into the private sector, my blog time may be a little scarce. No doubt Matt and Nick will pick up the slack.

Vote Nick in 2040: He's Only Lost One

The Commerce Department has lost 1,137 laptop computers since 2001, most of them assigned to the Census Bureau, officials said Thursday night.

Doodlebugs-in-Chief

While the whole world knows what Clinton was doodling while in office, a recent article sheds light on other presidential meanderings of a different sort:

...in at least one respect, Hoover's sad, single term wasn't a waste of time. In fact, he was apparently never more productive than when supposedly wasting his time, assembling what may be his supreme presidential legacy: The nation's foremost executive doodler.

I wonder if Presidential Doodles, just released by Basic Books, includes a quip (I swear is from something Peggy Noonan wrote) about how Republicans tend to sketch abstracts and Democrats draw people, but that Ronald Reagan was doodle-dextrous.

Juggle wars

Jason Garfield is training an army of Russian jugglers as part of his ongoing battle with Chris Bliss.

Language Nerd

Stop bringing me over man...Right off!*

We have dictionaries, thesa'saurusus, reverse phone directories, and now prepositionaries! We live in an age of miracles to be sure.


---
*From the scene in Better Off Dead... where the father is trying to relate to his son using one of those better parenting guides. I footnote because the web has failed me again (like the dearth of fish stick kitty pics of Aught Five), and there is no Better Off Dead... site containing this quote to link and reference. Preposterous, as it is the best quote from one of the greatest movies of all time--even if it has John Cusack in it (Joan RULZ!)

Mandarins at the Gate

I think they're just there for the free muffins, but:

Republican activists Grover Norquist and Ralph Reed landed more than 100 meetings inside the Bush White House,...

But, stumbling like a drunken French Quarter whore after spending her last FEMA check, the Democrats again fumble for their bra strap with inane accusations like:

"By trying to extend a special privilege typically reserved for U.S. government employees, to protect their Abramoff cronies like Grover Norquist, and Ralph Reed, the Bush administration showed just how willing they are to manipulate the law to hide the truth and protect their political interests," [DNC spokesmodel] Finney said.

Somehow, I think their twin message of (a) only bureaucrats may address elected officials and (b) Democrats would never be visited by lobbyists who represent a substantial number of voters, will fail to resonate with the electorate.

In a mature democracy, it's not a choice of evils, but one of the lesser dumberer.

Not All Bread and Circuses

Lion Kills Man Who Climbed Into Cage in Ukrainian Capital's Zoo

(AP) A lion killed a man who climbed into its enclosure in the Ukrainian capital's zoo, police said Monday…He said the man, who was not identified, was acting aggressively and the lion seized him by the throat. The man, an ethnic Azerbaijani, died at the scene.Ukrainian TV channel NTN broadcast interviews with witnesses who said the man told them that he wanted to test God, believing that God would not allow the lions to hurt him.

Why is it that the lion is accused of being the attacker? Ask yourselves, if some shifty Azeri snuck into your house telling him God told him to, wouldn't you take some defensive measures?

It's not the lion's fault that he lacks thumbs. Teeth only have two settings: kill and not-kill. Do people think they can just set phasers to stun? What I think needs to happen now is that someone needs to go to that zoo and give the lion a big hug and tell him everything's going to be okay...

Practice random acts of destruction

Via DoL - Profs are all atwitter about this clip of one of their own smashing a cell phone. Why limit such acts to the classroom, though, when you can do the same wherever your conversation is interrupted by a ringing phone?

The Perfect Pervert Gift This Holiday Season

Nike (according to the ever-reliable interwebs) is releasing Pee-Wee Herman themed sneakers. This is what I miss when I'm out of town for a few days and fall behind on my PennFreeFM listening.

Dr. Seuss Taxidermy

Seuss embarked on an ingenious project in the early 1930s as he evolved from two-dimensional artworks to three-dimensional sculptures. What was most unusual for these mixed-media sculptures was the use of real animal parts including beaks, antlers and horns from deceased Forest Park Zoo animals where Seuss’s father was superintendent. Unorthodox Collection of Taxidermy was born in a cramped New York apartment and included a menagerie of inventive creatures with names like the “Two Horned Drouberhannis,” “Andulovian Grackler,” and “Semi-Normal Green-Lidded Fawn.”

Shed your sleeves, telecommuters!

Via The Presurfer: "Boxer-wearing telecommuters can now meet a company dress code in the blink of their Webcam’s eye. The BusinessBib — an all-in-one jacket, shirt and tie with a Velcro fastening at the back — takes you from slob to suit in seconds, providing necessary coverage for above-the-shoulders videoconferencing. Those perplexed by the bib’s Muppet-worthy proportions should consult the accompanying admonition: 'If you wanted sleeves, you should have bought a suit.' $130."

Pirate vs. Ninja

Another Yahoo! front page gem:

Arr, when a Pirate be breaking free of a 500 year-old curse, he must tracks down his enemy: the Ninja! But when blades clash,...

I like where he starts casting about for "Ninjer"--it's like when Indians talk about their old colonial masters, the Britishers. So cute.

Ahoy ye limey bilge rats!

It's Talk Like a Pirate Day! In case you'd like to mark your calendar in advance, here are a few of the holidays this blog celebrates:

St. Urho’s Day – March 16

Dale Earnhardt Day – April 29

Cinco de Mayo – Always fun to remember a French defeat

PoF Blogiversary – June 8

Talk Like a Pirate Day – Sept. 19

Halloween – best holiday ever – Oct. 31

Birthdays and other traditional holidays are also celebrated when we actually manage to remember them.

Update: Victor had proposed adding two new holidays to the list.

Love Your Robot Day - Feb. 7 (Approved!)

Purdue Junior Pork Day - March 21 (still in committee)

Best & Not-So-Best Free Market Org Name

Oh, the flourishing of human creativity when it comes to naming:

Romania Think Tank

The worst is of course (disregarding anything with Ayn in its title):

FLOW

I do have to admit (and this is just between the PoFers here) that the Mercatus Center (though not the unwieldly Mercatus Center at George Mason University) is one of the more unique and functional names of The Movement (acronyms and titles including Hayek beware). The old MC has even inspired the creation of the Djibouti-based Mercatus Institute.

If I had a hammer, I'd be partial to teaching the world to sing about the Freedom of Association Association--or [Fah-Squared] for short.

Still, here's a final thought to consider from Wikipedia regarding the Mont Pelerin Society:

Originally, it was to be named the Acton-Tocqueville Society. After Frank Knight protested against naming the group after two "Roman Catholic Aristocrats" and Ludwig von Mises [from Ukrainia!] expressed concern that the mistakes made by Acton and Tocqueville in their lifetimes would be connected with the society, the name of the Swiss resort where it convened was used instead.

This is why I think perhaps the Year Long Cruise From Tasmania to Toronto and Everything Inbetwixt Foundation would make the ideal new addition to The Movement.

Jobbie Job

Yet another job posting for the right person, a Mobile Native English Speaking Teacher if you will:

The idea is that the teacher will teach at a different school each day of the week, so increasing the number of students taught and thereby making the project economically viable. This is a really interesting opportunity for the right candidates to see rural Thailand at its most basic but in a controlled environment. Transportation (a motorcycle) will be provided. [BTW, Thailand has 9.7-day weeks--it's a Buddhist thing, but it could be worse...]

According to the sidebar, it pays 20,000...I guess the currency is negotiable. Hopefully, the health plan will also include a tarp to wrap oneself in during those rainy season commutes. (again)

Ask yourself, what would Jake Allen do?


UPDATE: It would seem that there is also an opening for the position of interim prime minister. Candidates should be docile and enthusiastic about monarchy. In related news, Mr. Thaksin is looking for a place to crash in NYC (he's probably still got a nice UN per diem to throw around, so don't be shy). This all puts me in the mood for a game of Junta.

Inspiration

Zombo.com, what can I say. (needs sound)

It sort of goes back to our founding statement:

Welcome to the web-vomit that is blog.

Credit: James

One Purse-Dog At a Time

From a back issue of Exile.ru:

Imported from Paris, they were all the rage last year. However, now that babies have become the new purse-dogs, the helpless miniature canines have been abandoned to fend for their own: foraging for blow or fois gras in the alleys of Cstozhenka and Rublevskoe Shosse. For just $149 a day, you too can make sure that these poor creatures receive the love and nourishment that they need in order to stay alive. Won't you please help?

Credit: chill

What a Catch!

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true....I'm so glad I'm a man and not a skanky American woman like you.

Korean American programmer from Bellingham, WA who reportedly has, "the entire oil output of Kuwait oozing from his facial pours," has put together an informative site, American Women Suck, after his whirlwind tour of Russia and Ukraine looking for love (but his related sites have disappeared since he reportedly has a girlfriend now).

All non-referred members must make a yearly $50 donation to participate in our heterosexual non-violent movement that is strictly for anti-feminists because of the attacks by homosexual males, bi-sexual males, feminist losers, cheap bastards, criminal college students, confused high-school students and pro-Israel groups, [the list text ends abruptly, no doubt due to those feminazi Elders of Zion]...Your race does not play a factor in becoming an AWS forum member.

---
Note: I only scored 40% on the Real Man Quiz, but evidently this means I might be eligible to be a serial killer as 75% are not Real Men. I do much better on the Care Bear quiz. It all sort of reminds me of that Napoleon quote about the Queen of Prussia being the only real man in Germany.


Credit: chill

The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum

If you can't make it to Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, to visit the "internationally infamous Mount Horeb Mustard Museum," at least consider joining the Mustard of the Month club.

Utter Drivel

PoF's upgraded model now offers remote monitored concepts.

The Gobbledygook* Generator: it slices, it dices, and if you act now, free waffles...

Have you ever wanted to become a stereotypical consultant? Do you find yourself lost for meaningless, empty phrases that make you look 'in the know'?

Simply click on the button below this paragraph and a random piece of business jargon will appear in the box below. If you need more than one buzzphrase, just click the button again and again. This generator can create around 40,000 different pieces of utter waffle!

Also of note on the Plain English site are Some (Quite) Interesting Facts About Long Sentences. Now if only the Brits could learn how to spell efficiently too.

---
*The term "gobbledygook" is not meant to otherize turkeys of Asian descent. (ah PC, an even greater threat to clarity.)

p.p.s. The comic strip is completely bizarre, but was the best thing that came up when I googled** for "drivel".

**Not "Googled" (capital 'g') as I technically prefer to Yahoo!ey^1 for stuff.

1. "Hooey" while a great olde tyme word in English, is actually an incredibly offensive word in certain Slav tongues (sort of like a male c-word, I think).

BTW, the greatest footnote ever in the history of the English language must be the one produced by Todd Seavey which is a summation of the entire X-Files series which lives on as a full-blown sidebar now.

Drew outs himself as the man behind Kompressor

Long before Dog Traders, there was Kompressor...

"If you already theorized that I was Kompressor, big congratulations. You busted the smallest, most obvious mystery of the 21st century. The only reason I didn't post my fat head on the internet for so long was because there isn't really anyone else who looks like me, so it would be even more painfully obvious.

"If you didn't know that at all, here is some background information. I used to have an industrial band for a while and then it got boring. My wife helped me make videos and take photos.

"Congratulations, Internet, you just saw the worst videos by the most boring, chubby, pale guy in a mask from 1991."

For more boring, chubby, pale guy in a mask action, check out the Kompressor cover of "Girl from Ipanema."

The appropriately titled art of Chih - Chien Wang

Some artists strain for metaphors and high concepts when naming their pieces. Chih - Chien Wang prefers the straight forward approach. The following are good examples:

"Celery in a Bottle"



"Banana in a glass"



...and my personal favorite, "Drumstick"

Pork Festival this weekend

The Preble County Pork Festival has it all:



Pigs to pet...



...and pigs to eat.

"Growth of the festival was given a boost with national publicity resulting from the arrest of the late Billy DeWolfe, famed actor of Hollywood, California, who was charged with speeding on I-70 while traveling through Preble County. Since Preble County became a topic of conversation on several national talk shows, DeWolfe was invited to attend the 1972 festival. He arrived in the area on Thursday before the event and was immediately accepted as a member of the community which he adopted as his own."

And, via DoL, here's the guide for what to do with all the pork you pick up: The Great American Chitlin Cookbook.

Marc and Matt Movie Review: Pleasantville

Imagine a world where everything is black and white, where women know their “place” and kids are well-behaved. This same world, though, is one where ignorance of reality is bliss and stifling conformity is the rule. Such an exercise might be a real stretch of the imagination for the broad-minded population of Hillsdale College, so luckily someone captured the environment on the big screen in the 1998 movie Pleasantville.

Read more...

This film directed by Gary Ross (Dave) concerns two 1990s teens – Tobey MacGuire of Spiderman fame and Reese Witherspoon of bearing Ryan Phillippe’s children fame. The two are somehow whisked into a “Leave it to Beaver”-like sitcom entitled, you guessed it, “Pleasantville.”

Though this maneuver is somewhat contrived, it does allow for an excellent opportunity to explore what it means to be human as the modern teens wreak havoc upon the unthinking conformity of this black and white world. As the townspeople begin to shake off their uniformity, they also begin to transform from shades of gray into full-blown color.

The sitcom parents, played by William Macy (Fargo) and Joan Allen (Nixon), provide well-developed windows on the differing reactions of the townspeople. The father tries to conserve the world as it is while the mother discovers carnality and literally becomes a colorful rebel.

Pleasantville is, above all else, an allegory. While the situation the film proposes is quite fantastic, it does meet the test proposed by William Dean Howells for art in that it can affirmatively answer the question, “Is it true? – true to the motives, the impulses, the principles that shape the life of actual men and women?” The characters in the film discover the full range of what it means to be human and thus not everything they do is either moral or right.

One should not, however, condemn the film for that full embrace. This fallibility is in accordance with the Christian notion of the Fall – humanity is inherently sinful and will make mistakes. It is in a sense what defines our human nature, whether or not we wish to acknowledge such indelicacies in life. Indeed, the movie serves to reveal how attempts to live in denial of that reality constitute a real sickness.

Some viewers may nonetheless object to the way in which the conservative individuals in town react to the changes brought about by the arrival of the once-forbidden knowledge. Their resort to violence may be offensive to those who feel a certain political philosophy is being mocked, but a close examination of history will show that this is not merely a liberal Hollywood caricature of reactionaries.

The civil rights movement (which this movie consciously echoes), for example, provides the historical backdrop for the script. The people of the South reacted violently to having the rotten core of their society exposed to the light, and many of those pushing for change were threatened, physically harmed or even killed by narrow-minded reactionaries desiring to preserve the immoral way of life to which they had grown so accustomed.

Admittedly, the movie does tend to go over the line in a few places, though, and it unfortunately degenerates from witty satire to just plain preachy. The final courtroom scene, for example – where the kids are trying to defend themselves from accusations of subversion – too closely resembles Mr. Smith Goes to Washington in its cornball approach to drama.

The flaws of Pleasantville, however, are far outweighed by the thought-provoking storyline and impressive graphics. This sort of intelligence is all too rare among mainstream Hollywood releases, and definitely deserves viewing.

Steve Irwin Will Be Missed

My Favorite Romanian

(No, Not Dracula)




Eugen Weber and reruns of his UCLA history lectures on late night public access rock! His scanty web page amuses too:

Fields of interest: Modern European History...intellectual history, where comprehensible.

Reminds me of that great book by Paul Johnson, The Intellectuals--best line pulled from Mommy Marx's diary:

I wish Karl would spend less time writing about capital and more accumulating it.

Cuteness Alert

Adorable, simply adorable



But more amusing are a random sampling of the video's comments:

Read more...



so cute
09-13-2006 by hilariojill
you guys are so cute this video made my day

Gay!!!
09-13-2006 by carlossantanatj
faggots ~_~

^___^
09-13-2006 by kivenkimjk
This video is funny, but I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT DAD PUT PENCIL THROUGH HIS NOSE...
[Clearly, a proud owner of Why Mommy is a Democrat.]

Finally, something worthy enough for the front page.
09-13-2006 by txdonald
Yahoo should put more of these types of video's on its front page instead of stupid ones like wannabee ninjas leaving food for bums and crap like that.
[Yes, Yahoo! should stop muscling in on PoF's market niche. PoF: Where everyone's "a star for one whole minute"]

Love
09-13-2006 by manga_girl613
Absolutely the cutest thing I have seen all day ; gave me hope for the world!
[manga_girl should spend more time with PoF]

ok...
09-13-2006 by xplosive58
"Dad and son sharpen pencils while mom does all the other "back to school" stuff". I don't think this belongs on the front page of yahoo. Next up: "Bob and Bertha lick envelops"
[Proof of why if it bleeds it leads.]

do they have negative stars?
09-13-2006 by joshwhite6579
possibly the stupidest video I have ever seen. I can't believe Yahoo actually put this video up on the frontpage...what a waste of 2 minutes..
[Proof that Jesus died in vain.]

Funny
09-13-2006 by deviousbeautifulangel
I like this very much, father and son moment of entertainment. That should happen more often in this world but wheres mom, let her join in the fun.
[And the kid should be in a wheelchair and their house should use solar power and the pencils should be made from materials grown at shade grown cooperatives in the Mississippi Delta powered by discounted make-work electricity from the TVA which will create a strong sense of personhood when the child reaches his/hers gradeless hate free zone…]

Awwww
09-13-2006 by ttujes711
That was so cute. I can see my husband doing this kind of stuff with our daughter in a few years. He's in Iraq right now, so it made my heart smile.
[It’s not smiling, it’s technically called a septal defect, you should seek help.]

Stupid and absurd
09-13-2006 by davidallenmock
Fathers take some abuuse , but not nearly enough!!! If you think you can replace the "mother", just try logging on as her for a week!!! Sometimes males don't know how good they have it!!! This is from a male.
[Yeah and so is the girl I’m having an Internet affair with, big deal…]

Wow
09-13-2006 by speedstar_runner
All I can say is, god was that boring and I want my five minutes back. That cheated me out of time I could have spent doing something better, like crapping myself. "Aw cute", urgh, keep it in the family.
[Five minutes? So, you watched the video 3 times?]

09-13-2006 by soccer_gotta_love_it
WHY???
[…can’t all online video clips be meaningless, depressing clips of Sartre readings.]

*face palm*
09-13-2006 by vintage_starz
So, the wife is responsible for everything else, to make sure the son was ready to go for the first day of school - and the dad? his contribution is making sure that the 'pencils actually sharpened' / 'pencils shoved in nostrils' ratio stays even?
[It is thought that upwards of 20% of the population never develops a sense of irony/humor/sarcasm (or joy evidently). These are usually the same people tasked with asking if you are carrying a bomb, planning on overstaying your visa, or if you had a hammer would you teach the world to sing.]

09-13-2006 by everydayissweeter
Quite possibly the dumbest thing I've seen in a while.... Didn't know ruining pencils was a "relationship builder."
[Yes, all parental activities should be scheduled and all time not spent at school should be rigidly filled with developmental activities designed to fully complement a strong early admittance application to Princeton…]

How It Should Have Ended

LOTR

Blair Witch Project

Braveheart

Star Wars Episode IV

If Only They Could Read

Why Mommy is a Democrat brings to life the core values of the Democratic party in ways that young children will easily understand and thoroughly enjoy. Using plain and non-judgmental language, along with warm and whimsical illustrations, this colorful 28-page paperback depicts the Democratic principles of fairness, tolerance, peace, and concern for the well-being of others. It’s a great way for parents to gently communicate their commitment to these principles and explain their support for the party.

Careless Bears

Grumpy Bear is the new Cronos.



And from his loins sprang forth Darth VaBear and his friends.



Rumpy Bear, Somali Warlord Bear, and the others are also worth a look too.


Credit: Mere Bear

Peter Callesen's Paper Art

These paper sculptures are terrific. Hat tip: Mental Floss

Sail With Jesus and You'll Never Lose

I can't decide if I'm more offended for the pirates or the puppets.

Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie

Another gem brought to us by Successlessness:

Holy crap! Someone has recorded songs for a Silence of the Lambs musical. It's fittingly called Silence! Songs include "If I Could Smell Her...", "Are You About a Size 14?", and, of course, "Put the Fucking Lotion in the Basket"...

Too Soon?

Balki reflects on 9/11:

It seemed a violation of everything that his adopted home country stood for. Disbelief had gripped his family, and so together they sat in a huddled mass, trying to figure out what in the world had happened.

Two planes and two towers.... hundreds of thousands of lives lost.

His first instinct was to get on the phone...try to track down his cousin. Four hours spent clinging to the phone, trying to get through to the newspaper. It was supposed to be his day off; the baby's birthday.

Finally, he reached his Cousin Larry, who promptly announced he was going to New York to cover the situation. He was incensed; New York was far too dangerous! He could be killed; what would he tell Jennifer if he died? But his cousin insisted...even after Balki used his most pleading voice.

One year later, they stood in their communal yard, children and parents united in singing the national anthem, candles in their hands. Over the year, in the courage of the many who worked in New York, and even in that of his own cousin, Balki had come to understand what it was to be an American; to be really, truly, free.

* * *

And as a fitting end to your 9/11 meditations, go out and rent The Aristocrats (2005).


Credit: Jason

"Come On You Apes, You Wanna Live Forever?"

This revelation concerns me and I'm not totally sure why:

...as more older men become fathers, a new breed of young, athletic male nannies will emerge to take on the more physically demanding aspects of the job...

Items for the Wish List

A Swiss Army knife for the Prestins of the world.

A scale that tells you your weight in terms of celebrities and other stuff from Angry Store.

Credit to John.