Pants to poverty



Will someone please buy these people some of Bono's "fairtrade" $75 t-shirts and $195 pants before we all go blind?

The trouble with moshing...



...is that someone might take your picture and post it online.

All the Gallo you can handle



Have you been thinking you need more Vincent Gallo in your life? Your troubles are over. Between The Vincent Gallo Appreciation Page and vgmerchandise.com, you should be all set.

In addition to films, posters and cd's, vgmerchandise also has some more unusual items. Cruel.com reports on the following:

"If you're not interested in buying any of his clothing, the actor Vincent Gallo offers another collectible that requires special storage.

"He's selling his sperm for $1 million (scroll down):

"'Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.'"

In the tradition of Pimp My Lando, Playskool gives us Strawberry Shortskank (via Etc)

Supply and demand



Thanks to a very special offer, you can lay your hands on a $400 NASCAR gee-tar for less than half the sticker price. Who could have guessed that slapping Jeff Gordon's car on a Silvertone would leave retailers with stock to unload?

Thanks to Mr. Miro for the heads up on this important development.

It's not extreme unless it's 170 degrees!



Why is it that all so-called "extreme" drinks are served pleasantly chilled? As long as you're going to drink carbonated battery acid, you might as well bring it to a boil (and add a slice of lemon).

Hot Dr. Pepper

12 ounces Dr. Pepper
2 lemon slices

"Pour the Dr. Pepper into a saucepan. Heat until it is hot and bubbly, at exactly 170 degrees F. Place a lemon slice in the bottom of each of two mugs. Pour the Dr. Pepper into the mugs, then serve immediately."

Happy St. Urho's Day!

Alan Moore loves Hollywood



Just kidding: "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was the reason why I decided to take my name off all subsequent films," he says in part one of an interview from The Beat:

"In talking to Moore – who is just as fascinating and voluble as you've heard – it becomes clear that the situation with his work at DC and in Hollywood causes him a lot of very real pain.

"Despite Moore's unhappiness, he does manage to talk about V FOR VENDETTA, a work of which he is justly very proud."

Part two is here.

Via Boing Boing.

You're one in a million



Brighten someone's day:

"This mug is a great gift for any occasion, and lets your friend or family member know that they are 'One in a million...' which means there are a thousand people in China exactly like them."

Also available: Pimp creepers for babies and mousepads displaying George Bush's thoughts on asparagus.

Stock up on ink pads



Highlander Celtic Stamps - THE site for all of your Scottish and Irish-themed stamping needs.

Sweet 'n Meaty



Via DoL: "The Grizzlies and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts have teamed up to create 'Baseball’s Best Burger.' The burger, which was debuted at the Grizzlies' December 10th sale, consists of a thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut."

2006 Pieces of Flair Robot-Song-Off

Will robots eat away at your free will, or are they more likely to increase our farming productivity? Who cares - what everyone really wants to know is who has the best song about these walking tin cans.

Therefore, PoF is hosting its first ever Robot-Song-Off. Readers can listen and vote to determine who will walk away Winner of the Pieces of Flair 2006 Robot-Song-Off. In addition, a fabulous prize package consisting of all kinds of flair will be sent out to the worthy songwriter.

If in the process the PoF Robot-Song-Off raises some awareness for Rodney Brooks' group at MIT, well, all the better.

UPDATE: Winner announced!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Entry #1: "Gears of Fire" by Sequin Socks
Creator Lesley Braden describes the tune as "a song about forbidden robot love, the longing of love by a robot who knows its function in life is only to serve another, not to satisfy its own emotional needs."

Entry #2: "Robodance" by Sonic Love
Jojo explains that the song is "about an elderly robot acting tough."

Entry #3: "My Robot" by Duncan Parsons
Duncan says that "It's about a chap's relationship with his plastic pal who's fun to be with."

Entry #4: "Dancing Machine" by Let's Audio
"Parappa the Rapper" lead artist Rodney Greenblat tells us that "my friend Abby Denson and I made [this] nice robot disco song in 2001 for our CD - LET'S AUDIO."

Entry #5: "Robot Voice - Revolution" by Elektroniqa
According to the website, songwriter KEv says that he is "Lucky to be able to practice my art - music is a big part of my life. To be able to share it with you - an even greater gift."

Entry #6: "A Robot Overcompensates" by Victor Lams
Victor explains that "This song is about a Motoman PX800 Painting & Coating Robot who is kind of a jerk."

Entry #7: "Tiny Robots" by Mr. Miro
The song that begged for a Robot-Song-Off! Mr. Miro tells us that Tiny Robots "is a quick stab at the more obvious flaws" of Lutheran theologian Ted Peters' account of free will in the book Playing God?.

Entry #8: "sparks fly" by Wildchurch
Knockman says that this is "a ditty written from the perspective of a robot in love - a kind of synthetic chanson."

Entry #9: "Robot Discotheque" by xoxos
According to xoxos, this is "a popular-format song."

UPDATE: Winner announced!

Soothes what ails you



"How to Make a Pepto Vodka Cocktail:

Add 2 shots Vodka to 2 shots Pepto-Bismol. Stir. Enjoy."

If that doesn't sound appealing, here are some other Pepto-based options:

The After Hours

The Pepto Pete

When Jugglers Feud


I've been listening to all the MP3 streams of PennFreeFM that I can get hold of and I can't recommend the show enough. Anyhow, in a lovely radio-web-crap-crossover, Penn has taken aim at the Chris Bliss' juggling bit that has been making the rounds. (I'm so glad I never posted it when I saw it about two weeks ago...) Anyhow, after shredding the Bliss bit for being amateurish, Penn goads obsessive compulsive juggler, Jason Garfield, into one-upping Bliss. Here is the result.

Stupid in America



Via DoL: Stossel takes on the education system.

Free concert for Eels fans



Derivative? You make the call:

EELS with strings - Live at Town Hall

Mail carriers (and recipients) of the world, unite!



I received four AOL CDs yesterday alone. I'm debating between the following courses of action:

Collect / Trade them

Build with them

Mail them

Shoot them

Other ideas are more than welcome.

The faith of the drawn



Americans like their superheroes to kick ass and take communion:

The Religious Affiliation of Comic Book Characters

Thanks to that "harsh, harsh man" known as Klevay for the link.

Take a stand



Recent news items indicate that the world's squirrel population is contemplating mass revolt. Playful dogs and unsuspecting cyclists have already suffered severe consequences. Now, thanks to The Squirrel Defamation League, we can join together and speak out about this important issue.

Listen up

He's no Mike Schank, but Mr. Miro still tells it like it is (see here and here). A wise man once said, "Don't take my word for it." In that tradition, feel free to judge for yourself:

Tiny Robots

You've probably wondered many times what it might sound like if David Byrne channeled Geddy Lee. Now you can find out with this hot track:

Burnin' Down

Share your ideas



"The Halfbakery is a communal database of original, fictitious inventions, edited by its users."

Recent entries include Beer & Cigarette Flavoured Mints and Velcro Plates.

Bored?



Why not make a haunted toilet snow globe?

Inane Actually



Looking for a Bono-inspired romantic comedy about a G8 Summit that manages to pull off little romance, not much comedy and even less substance about global economics? You're in luck.

After viewing, you may consider joining the Make Richard Curtis History Coalition. "Our strategy is simple: we all go over to Richard Curtis's large house and drown him in his large swimming pool. If Bono, Bob [Geldof] and Chris Martin are there too, which is quite likely, we'll knock them off as well. Then we take all their money and give it to Mali."

Live Action Simpsons Intro (via Malice)

Fear of Girls - Gamer Mockery (credit to Todd)

The thrill of competitive sports



"The World RPS Society is dedicated to the promotion of Rock Paper Scissors as a fun and safe way to resolve disputes. We feel that conserving the roots of RPS is essential for the growth and development of the game and the players.

"The World RPS Society is involved in many areas of the sport, such as; research studies, workshops, tournaments at both local and international levels, book publishing, and much more."

More Hasselhoff as promised...

Lookin' for Hoff Love?

and the Greatest Calendar Ever Made.

CSPAN - Saturday, March 4 at 8:00 a.m.

Author and journalist Steven Greenhut spoke at the Independent Institute in Oakland, California about his book “Abuse of Power: The Government Misuse of Eminent Domain.” Timothy Sandefur, an attorney at the Pacific Legal Foundation, joins the author in discussing the various ways the government has abused the power of eminent domain in the pursuit of seizure of property from private owners. The panelists’ discussion ranges from the time of American colonization to present day. They also talk about the 2005 Supreme Court case Kelo v. New London in which Mr. Sandefur wrote a friend-of-the-court brief on behalf of members in the Kelo party. The discussion is moderated by David Theroux, president and founder of the Independent Institute.

Keep drinking - it might save your life



"New research suggests that a few extra pounds can be good for you -- if you're male and unlucky enough to be in a car accident, that is.

"Moderately overweight males are more likely to survive serious car accidents than either the thin or the very fat. Apparently, a bit of extra padding -- but not too much -- provides extra protection, according to the study.

"For reasons that aren't clear, women don't get the same protection from extra weight: Being fat, thin or in-between didn't affect their likelihood of dying in a car accident, the study found.

"Why would body weight affect fatality rates in men but not in women? Arbabi suggested that it may have something to do with the physics of car accidents and the way that fat appears on the body. Overweight men tend to look like apples, with weight around their bellies, while overweight women look like pears, with fat around their hips and buttocks."

Everything you ever wanted to know about Labyrinth



"It should go without saying that my favorite movie is of course Labyrinth, which I first saw on November 29, 1986 when I was 15 years old, and have seen at least 50 times since. My favorite actress is Jennifer Connelly, who starred in it. And yes, like the character Sarah, I have a poster of M. C. Escher's Relativity on my wall!"

R.I.P. Harry Browne - not a FEE alum, but close enough to complete the death comes in threes quota.

What to do in a cryonics emergency



Thanks to our friends at The Cryonics Institute, we now have an answer:

"***BEFORE PROCEEDING ANY FURTHER:***

IF THE PERSON HAS ALREADY DIED, COOL HIS OR HER HEAD

IMMEDIATELY.

PLACE ICE CUBES, OR CRUSHED ICE, OR WATER ICE, IN A PLASTIC BAG, AND COMPLETELY COVER THE FRONT, TOP, BACK AND SIDES OF THE PERSON’S HEAD.

Click Here if death HAS NOT YET occurred and the person IS NOT a CI member.

Click Here if the person HAS ALREADY DIED and IS NOT a CI member.

Click Here if the person that is dying or deceased IS NOW a CI member."

Iowa man creates desperate pleas for companionship



"Iowa artist Patrick Acton turns ordinary wooden matchsticks into incredible works of art. The Matchstick Marvels display is wood art at its best, showing creativity and detail work unmatched by other skilled woodworkers. Millions of matchsticks have been painstakingly glued together to represent models of planes, trains, ships, or anything else that strikes his imagination.

"Since 1977 Acton has built large matchstick models. Many are featured in Ripley's Believe It or Not museums in the United States, Mexico, Australia, Indonesia, and Europe."

Dare for more. via Ultimate Insult.

Make a statement



Wear what you believe. If the graphic design on this is too exciting for you, a less intense version is available here (for more money).

Order early for next year



Planned Parenthood follows up on their "I had an abortion" t-shirt campaign with more excellent marketing. Unfortunately, it's too late to order their chocolate birth control pill packet for Valentine's Day this year, but it's probably a good idea to stock up now for future needs.

Dance Dance Revolution



This is somewhat old, but I couldn't help sharing when I came across the story:

"A California man dubbed a 'Satanist' on an online message board has posted photos of himself dancing on President Ronald Reagan's grave, raising the ire of the former chief executive's admirers.

"Posted on Ruthlessreviews.com, the photos show a thin, white man likely in his 20s wearing an AC/DC T-shirt and having hopped over the fence that protects Reagan's grave.

"The poster, who goes by 'TheFreakKingdom' and claims he's from San Diego, writes with one photo: 'Judging from my expression and body language, combined with what little I do remember, this appears to be about the time security guards noticed I had jumped the fence and started jigging over Reagan's rotting corpse (the original plan called for the Electric Slide, and then humping the ground, and then whatever else I could get away with, but security was stricter than we had anticipated).'"

The Garfield Randomizer.

Genius.

Have you high-fived a muslim today?

David Cain Juggles for Jesus.



A sample of David's show:

Huge, air-filled garbage bags are juggled to illustrate the importance of not filling our lives with garbage. (Rom. 1:29-31)

A wide variety of props (including Barbie and Ken dolls as well as an apple) are juggled to tell the story of creation, the fall, and redemption of mankind. (Rom. 5:17)

Beanbags and bouncy balls are juggled to illustrate how the Resurrection makes Jesus very different from every other religious leader throughout history. (Acts 2:31; 1 Cor. 15:14)

and my personal favorite:

Clubs are juggled over a volunteer to illustrate what genuine faith is really like. (James 2:14-26)

David also offer Christian Unicycle Lessons and Christian Jump Rope Routines in case juggling doesn't get you all the way to enlightment. After all, how can you turn down a guy who Willy Ames aka "Bibleman" aka "Buddy from Charles in Charge" aka "the Tattooed Psychopath on last season of Celebrity Fit Club" thinks is "...totally awesome!"

More juggling posts still to come...

Massive Multiplayer Pong

Fermented Tang


It's like Pruno for hipsters.

As if curling had any dignity to spare...



"During the fifth end break (curling's version of halftime and/or a seventh inning stretch), a large and not-too-muscular guy ran out across the sheet. Nothing on except for the obligatory online gambling ad and a strategically-wrapped rubber chicken."

I appreciate the fact that the article completely fails to note who won the bronze medal match as clearly no one cares.

Lift those cheeks



Learn to sing with Ron Popeil's sister. Free video tips are available every week online.

"I have taken lessons for quite some time ending with the thought, that 'you can't be taught to sing'. I am wrong! Lisa Popeil's technique is my answer. Thank you!"
L. Larson - Blaine, Minnesota

Once you complete the program, you'll want to get the accompanying t-shirt:
"STAND BACK! I FEEL A SONG COMING ON." It's her best-seller.

Looking to buy?



Why not hire the star of Avia Vampire Hunter? Rodney's got you covered:

* rapper...
* actor...
* entrepreneur...
* web designer

Via Malevole.

Hollywood tries to make Paul Walker the new Helen Hunt



Remember What Women Want, Cast Away, Pay It Forward and even Dr T and the Women? There was a time when America couldn't get enough of Helen Hunt. That day has passed. Perhaps it is time to make a similar decision about Paul Walker.

Subtlety is overrated



The Accidental Hedonist tries Guinness ice cream and gives the following review: "The ice cream itself turned out quite good, but it is very bold, rich and deep. This is not an ice cream with subtlety. Consider yourself warned."

Sounds better than the Iron Chef's infamous cod fish roe ice cream, in any case.

Orange you glad you're not Detroit?

Happiness is Marimba Ponies. Via BoingBoing and WFMU (more links there).

Tian's blog is quickly becoming one of my favorites. This lovely post has so much Flair goodness, I'm just going to send you there instead of stealing all his links.

Unbelievably good remix: Toy Story 2, Requiem

Post Valentine's Day Blues



Matt Cale finds romance in Bubble:

"Within days of seeing this movie, I watched a couple at a restaurant share a meal, but remain completely disengaged from each other. They neither spoke nor shared eye contact, and this lack spoke volumes about how we usually share physical space, but only out of habit, rather than a coherent, definable explanation. When pressed, I'm sure quite a few of us would have no idea why we are in a particular relationship, or claim to be in love, but we go through the motions anyway because we're too exhausted to do otherwise. Our current state might be pushing us to the brink, but as rats in a maze, we fall back on the devil we know."

R.I.P. Ed Opitz

Hungry?



From turduckens to mega-burgers, SupersizedMeals.com covers all the bases.

John Kricfalusi blog



Via Boing Boing: Ren and Stimpy fans of the world can now get a daily dose of madness at all kinds of stuff.

And just because it wouldn't be a real holiday without some PoF Valentine's Day snark: A Kiss for Joe

Trust me on this one and have patience: German Forklift Safety Video

I swear it must be a Verhoeven or Carpenter short.

Go, Go, Go!



Now that our old toilet designs are outmoded, we need to find new uses for all of the existing hardware.

Kudos to Dan Radosh for pointing out this great book review by Garrison Keillor (no, really!). I could barely contain my giggles at his thrashing of Bernard-Henri Levy's "American Vertigo."

Despite what our favorite contrarian, Mr. Hitchens, may think, this goes back to something I know I've mentioned here before, that is, European writers just don't get America. Even some of the best ones (I'm thinking Umberto Eco and perhaps herr Hitchens himself) just get it all wrong.

Anyhow, for those struggling with the flow chart: BHL criticizes America, Keillor bashes BHL, Hitchens berates Keillor, Radosh calls Hitchens on humorless-ness, PoF throws food from the peanut gallery.

Semi-related: BHL finds the American left is in a coma.

Bored with the same old candlelit dinner, red roses and chocolate truffles on Valentine's Day? Newly rich Chinese are looking to something decidedly more edgy -- matching plastic surgery for him and her.

In Shanghai's increasingly competitive plastic surgery market, clinics are offering Valentine's Day discounts to lovers looking for something extra to signify their emotional bond.
...
Some medical facilities in Shanghai have reported a surge in business by as much as 30 percent in the lead-up to Valentine's Day.

Plastic surgery, which was illegal in China until the early 1980s, has proliferated over the past five years as people have become richer.

The official Xinhua news agency estimates that cosmetic operations are now a three-billion-dollar business in China, with more than one million clinics nationwide.

Credit to Nick.

C.O.M.B.A.T. for Christ



I'm sure you have dealt with the anguish of preparing your youth to conform to the image of Christ. You have fought with Hollywood and the Music Industry to gain the minds and hearts of America's youth. Many today within the Church are ready to surrender our most valuable resource (our children) to the enemy's camp. I AM NOT! God has a work for the young men and women of today. A work that depends on us to train and lead them to "fight the good fight of faith."

Laid within five sections of the C.O.M.B.A.T. course: COMMITMENT... OBEDIENCE... MIND... BODY... ATTITUDE... TESTIMONY..... We have constructed hands on object lessons that will educate, enlighten, and even entertain the young men and women who complete this course.

Man, when the infidels invade Tennessee, they won't know what hit 'em.

Because we're overdue for a urine-related link: the PeePee Project

Jesus must have loved the 70's. Disco Jesus.

Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!



From Boing Boing: Ray Bradbury channels Lyle Lanley:

"The monorail is extraordinary in that it can be built elsewhere and then carried in and installed in mid-street with little confusion and no destruction of businesses.

"As soon as possible, we must call in one of the world's monorail-building companies to see what could be done so that the first ones could be in position by the end of the year to help our huddled traffic masses yearning to travel freely.

"The freeway is the past, the monorail is our future, above and beyond."

Of course, Bradbury's long-standing refusal to drive probably has nothing to do with his position.

Update: But can it move puppies???

We're overdue for a good photoshop post. From Worth1000: If Canadians Ruled the Earth

Any means necessary



From Ex Parte via DoL: "This hilarious Detroit News article reveals that unions have been hiring the homeless - at minimum wage and without health care benefits - to picket at non-union job sites. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the hypocrisy!

"'We're giving jobs to people who didn't have jobs, people who in some cases couldn't secure work,' said George Eisner, head of the union's mid-Atlantic regional council in Baltimore.

"God, I love these quotes. So, um, how exactly is this different from the employees at the non-union construction site that you're protesting? I wonder if these union schmucks realize the extent to which their defense of this practice undermines the whole purpose of unions."

I've deftly avoided posting the thousand and one links related to intoonfadah, but this one I just can't resist.

AICN adds a contribution to V-day with these X3 valentines mocking the unfortunate Rent-vibe that is permeating their ad campaign.