Worst Taxi Ever



A steel cow will be coupled with bulls in a series of live sex shows at the National Fieldays, which open tomorrow.

Cattle breeding specialist Ambreed New Zealand Ltd is demonstrating this revolutionary way of collecting semen, using a mobile sex toy for bulls . . .

Ambreed chief executive Graham Bowen said farmers often asked how semen was collected from bulls. Usually technicians deflected bulls during the natural mating process, collecting the sample in a tube. With the new method technicians collected the sample from inside the cow.

"We have had a couple of people ringing up and saying that's disgusting and really not necessary, but a lot of people are agriculturally minded and quite interested," he said.

Pants on Head

Top 10 U.S. vacation spots



...for sweat lovers:

"Phoenix adult residents sweat so much that the city's perspiration could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool in less than three hours.

"For the second year in a row, Phoenix has earned the dubious honor of topping the Top-100 Sweatiest Cities list, a ranking of the nation's heaviest sweaters during the summer months as determined by researchers at Procter and Gamble.

The Top 10:

1. Phoenix
2. Las Vegas
3. Tucson, Ariz.
4. Dallas
5. Corpus Christi, Texas
6. San Antonio, Texas
7. Austin, Texas
8. Shreveport, La.
9. Houston
10. Waco, Texas

"The results were based on the amount of sweat an adult of average height and weight would produce while walking for an hour in the average high temperatures, according to NOAA data."

Link via The Presurfer.

Connie's not alone



Via Boing Boing: Maury proves he's equally cruel to viewers by torturing some girl with pickle-phobia.

UPDATE: Balloon-phobia
Birds & mustard

Another Video Round-Up



The Da Vinci Code Trailer Recreated For $130,000,000 $130.

Robot Chicken Spoofs Ted Turner as Captain Planet

Forgetfulness by Billy Collins (he's one of my favorite poets)

Ok, I almost get the soccer thing.... nah.

Sidewalk Chalk Guy


Credit to Todd.

Who said it?



Coulter v. Hitler

New director picked for Watchmen movie



"Zach Snyder, who made his feature filmmaking debut with 2004's 'Dawn of the Dead,' has come aboard to develop and direct 'Watchmen,' based on the seminal DC Comics saga of a vigilante superhero.

"'Watchmen' has a Hollywood development history almost as epic as the story the comic tells.

"The project has seen such studios as Fox, Universal and Paramount come and go and has seduced and vexed such filmmakers as Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky, Paul Greengrass and screenwriter David Hayter.

"Sources say Snyder impressed Warner Bros. with his work on '300,' an upcoming adaptation of a Frank Miller graphic novel that he directed and co-wrote."

War declared on DJs



"I am advocating Actual, Physical War On DJs. Actual, physical war. If you see them in the streets, hit them. If you get near their equipment at a party, touch their needles. Heckle them. Insult them. Explain to everyone who will listen that DJs and Electronica are a retarded subset of music that hipsters and musical morons have elevated to a near mythical status. I mean, is there anything more annoying than going out and seeing a DJ with his 'ear goggles' smashed into his shoulder, a serious yet cool look of importance on his face while he quickly flips a fader back and forth?"

Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!



Via The Presurfer: "Someone attending a conference in Japan was sat just feet away from a Dell laptop computer that suddenly exploded into flames, in what could have been a deadly accident."

Keep it all to yourself



Via Boing Boing: "Joe Malia, a second year student at the Royal College of Art in London created this hoodie for 'computer obsessives.' Using one of these would be infinitely cooler than merely deploying one of those polarized sheets of plastic that stop people from reading your laptop screen over your shoulder."

To each according to his need



Via DoL: "Testimony presented to the house committee on Homeland Security yesterday revealed that Fema paid housing assistance to people who had never lived in a hurricane-damaged property - including at least 1,000 prison inmates - and made payments to people who were living in free hotel rooms.

"'Fema paid over $20,000 to an inmate who used a post office box as his damaged property,' Gregory Kutz, the GAO's director of audits, told the committee.

"Among some of the charges the GAO found unnecessary to satisfy legitimate disaster needs were $3,700 on a diamond watch, earrings and ring, a one-week all inclusive holiday in the Dominican Republic, $200 of Dom Perignon champagne, fireworks, $1,000 for a Houston divorce lawyer, and a considerable amount for adult erotica."

Share your thoughts



Weigh in on the lively discussion surrounding the pros and cons of introducing dung beetles to clean up pet waste in the U.S. over at Why Not?

Teach kids good habits early and often



Via Candy Addict: "Satisfy your oral fixation with these classic Bubble Gum Cigarettes. Each 3-1/8″ x 2″ x 5/8″ pack contains twelve 2-3/4″ sticks of bubble gum that are cleverly disguised in a paper wrapping to look like cigarettes. We’re pretty sure that the Surgeon General will have no problem with you chewing a pack a day!"

What's on your back?

During the downtime from bowling, some people choose to utilize their summer engaging in outdoor activities. These can include such games as seeing who can attract the greatest number of ticks or playing the ever-popular "Identify this rash." As it is wise to be well-stocked with rations and calamine lotion in these scenarios, backpacks are suggested. Here are two helpful possibilities to consider before heading into the wild:

The Yoda Backpack



"Because nothing says sexy better than dressing up like your favorite Sci-Fi character or running around with Master Yoda on your back. Though fully functional like a real backpack, with room for books and adjustable straps, take a tip from the ladies and stay away or at least hide it for only your most geeky guy moments. Unless of course you find that very special girl whose definition of 'hunky' includes soda gut and the ability to recite verbatim the Jedi Code."

The Carbonated Backpack



"They are much more profitable and practical than front carrying trays or cooler bags. All of our backpacks are ergonomically designed.

"Types of Beverages: Coca-Cola, draught beer, soda, mixed drinks, Pepsi, carbonated fruit drinks, spritzers"

Bush and Blair at the gay bar. Credit to Todd.

True beauty



Via Cockeyed: The Bling Generator - "The cheapest way to get iced out gangsta gold!"

Work on your English



"The incredible commitment shown to ‘the company’ by the average salary man, resulting in long hours, regular drinks with the boss and minimal holidays, can have numerous consequences. And with such little time for anything other than work, the internationally minded minion also has very few chances to brush up on his English.

"Yet thanks to an imaginative manufacturer, even the busiest of businessmen will now be able to manage at least five minutes of English study a day. As at the same time they are squeezing out, they’ll be able to squeeze in a bit of practice with this tutoring toilet paper."

It's summertime



Time to break out the watermelon bowling ball.

Michael Malice sends along some Shoes.

An incomplete life



...is likely what you're living without your very own escalator chair.

Don't miss out on any of the fun



Not all blogging has to be about Japanese television and lip tattoos. Stay up to date on criminal activity with the fun-loving folks at the official blog of the Los Angeles Police Department.

Lip tats



Continuing the fine PoF tradition of highlighting skin art, here's a nice collection of lip tattoos, including pics of the procedure in progress.

Interestingly enough, humans do not limit their fascination with injecting ink into lips to members of their own species:

"All racehorses are required to have a lip tattoo for identification purposes prior to racing.

"We suggest that a professional do your tattoo, especially if you know nothing about the process."

That sounds like good advice to me.

Economists tout benefits of immigration



"The Independent Institute has just released its Open Letter on Immigration to President Bush and Congress on the economics of immigration.

"The list of more than 500 signatories includes 5 Nobel Laureates—Thomas C. Schelling (University of Maryland), Robert Lucas (University of Chicago), Daniel McFadden (University of California, Berkeley), Vernon Smith (George Mason University), and James Heckman (University of Chicago).

"The Open Letter on Immigration reminds President Bush and all members of Congress of America’s history as an immigrant nation, the overall economic and social benefits of immigration, and the power of immigration to lift the poor out of poverty."

The group has yet to record a song or release a bumper sticker promoting their beliefs, however, and until such time their arguments will remain largely unpersuasive.

New Keane CD available for listening



"[E]ven I balked at Keane, who are derivative of Coldplay and Travis. My theory is that if the progenitors of this particular rock lineage—Bends-era Radiohead—are the equivalent of a natural high (coca leaves, say), then Coldplay and Travis must be a synthesized drug: refined and addictive, but a bit of a cheat. Which makes Keane the electrodes feeding directly into the pleasure centres of your brain. Sure, you want to keep pressing the button, pressing the button, keep pressing it, keep pressing the button... but you’re being played. There are record company executives in lab coats doing a Dad Rock experiment on your head, and you’re the monkey with shaved temples."

Introducing The Toothpaste for Dinner Soccer Team



These guys are too cool: "Their name is 'toothpastefordinner.com'. That is the name, including the com and everything. I didn't ask these dudes to rep my website so hard, but they did anyway. So I am going to tell you about this soccer team. They are from Pennsylvania and they are mostly under 18 so I am not going to give out their personal information. Unlike everyone I knew in high school they seem to party. The kind of party that you hear about but you don't get invited to, ever.

"The high school parties I went to were like 'Okay, now we're going to watch Monty Python' and just, you know, the whole room is stuffed with Reeboks and Doritos. Dudes have little catfights over whether Mountain Dew or Dr Pepper is better. You know what I am talking about. These soccer guys though, that is how they are rolling, just on a regular Tuesday out of the week, they have a nice shirt on and their pants are clean.

"And they are totally pumped. But anyway. So these guys bought a bunch of shirts from me, which happens here and there, it wasn't too unusual. I didn't hear anything more about it, but then I ran across their myspace page when I was searching for something unrelated on google. And there it was, the toothpastefordinner.com Soccer Team."

Connie Chung will make your ears bleed



Via Cruel: "To be fair to Connie Chung, when she performed this number last weekend for the final episode of the Weekends with Maury & Connie show on MSNBC, it was intended as a private joke for a small group of people -- the show's regular audience."

Economic troubles over thanks to pot



This is the sort of thing that makes being an economic development director seem so appealing:

"Patrick Woodie had a lot on his mind that day in April 2003 when his telephone rang. But the caller got his attention.

"The authoritative voice at the other end of the line said: 'I've got one word for you: teapots.'

"Back then, Woodie was trying to help things get better in his tiny hometown — population 1,818 — where most of the stores on Main Street were closed and way too many people were out of work.

"'If there's a National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y., and a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, why not a hall of fame for teapots?'

"Despite [a completely reasonable] economic impact study projecting an annual attendance of 61,000 visitors who will spend $7.5 million a year in the area, the museum project has been the object of skepticism and ridicule. Many residents have a wait-and-see attitude, and some outsiders have expressed outrage over the museum's receipt of government seed money." (emphasis added)

You know, Matt never mentioned where he was going on vacation.... maybe he's in Pittsburgh.

Optimizing Oppression



Zhang Shiqiang, known as the Nine-Fingered Devil, first tasted justice at 13. His father caught him stealing and cut off one of Zhang's fingers.

Twenty-five years later, in 2004, Zhang met retribution once more, after his conviction for double murder and rape. He was one of the first people put to death in China's new fleet of mobile execution chambers.

The country that executed more than four times as many convicts as the rest of the world combined last year is slowly phasing out public executions by firing squad in favor of lethal injections. Unlike the United States and Singapore, the only two other countries where death is administered by injection, China metes out capital punishment from specially equipped "death vans" that shuttle from town to town.

Makers of the death vans say the vehicles and injections are a civilized alternative to the firing squad, ending the life of the condemned more quickly, clinically and safely. The switch from gunshots to injections is a sign that China "promotes human rights now," says Kang Zhongwen, who designed the Jinguan Automobile death van in which "Devil" Zhang took his final ride.

No plans for the weekend? You could always knit yourself a Ferrari.

Wikipedia's List of Problems Solved by MacGyver*

*Mullets not included

You've defeated me this time interweb, but I'll be back tomorrow. And after I have scoured many more websites, I will find something flair-worthy. I'm no cheese-eating-surrender-monkey; this fight is far from over.

In case you thought your week was a little rough, here's a little schadenfreude...



Dustin Diamond aka "Screech" is selling t-shirts to stave off foreclosure on his home.

Video Round Up

None of these are especially amazing, but there's probably something for everyone:

El Despertar – Flamenco Zombie Flash
Penny Reel Version of Dirty Dancing - Nobody Corner'ingnates Baby
Jimmy Kimmel Gets Bitten By a Snake - I told them no g@#$%!# animals!
Kill Bill 1 & 2 in 120 Seconds - With body count!
Carlton Dance - I know I posted a gif of this once, but here’s the full version in all its gloriousness.
A Love Letter To Ann Coulter – From Henry Rollins
Rollin’ with Saget - A little anticlimactic after you've seen him in the Aristocrats...
and last, but not least, Pop Slut Video.

That's it for kilts



Generally speaking, kilts and those who wear them always struck me as a bit, well, phony. In his book The Language of Genes, Steve Jones makes the case that the suspicion is well-founded:

"The Scots scarcely existed until they were invented by King George IV, who in 1822 visited Edinburgh and, dressed in a Stuart kilt and a pair of flesh-colored tights, gave the Scots a national identity they never knew they possessed. It took only the imagination of Sir Walter Scott in devising a native culture to produce a new and potent ethnic myth. Much of it was based on the kilt, which, as Macaulay said, 'before the Union, was considered by nine Scotchmen out of ten as the dress of a thief.'"

More robot music



Klevay's brother apparently likes Captured! By Robots:

"So what's the deal with C!BR??

"Let me (DRMBOT 0110) tell you. JBOT played in a couple of ska bands, Skankin' Pickle and the Blue Meanies for years and was very unlikable. Everybody got sick of him (I don't blame them). JBOT thought that if he made a band of robots to play with everything would be okay. HE WAS WRONG! He built GTRBOT666 and myself and the idiotic Ape Which Hath No Name. After he built us, I decided that he was the antibot and must be punished. We installed a Biocerebral Chip in his CPU and now force him to humiliate himself in front of his peers. It makes me so happy to see him suffer. So after the takeover, he secretly made the Ape. The stupid ape robot loves everyone and everything; HOW REVOLTING! Unfortunately, I cannot do anything to rid my circuits of that ape. For it states in the ROBOTIC RESISTANCE handbook, 'Thee bot shall never harm another bot.' So what choice do I have? The rare joy I can receive is when GTRBOT666 and myself humiliate JBOT all over the country. The other happiness I have is to see my self-replication 'AUTOMATOM' humiliate jbutt to tears. You will come to witness! Coast to coast, his humiliation will be legendary. Keep checking in for updates."

Presumption of guilt



Sure, there is plenty of nice scenery in Big Sky country, but thankfully state officials in Montana are doing their best to distract your attention away from all that nature:

"Leading the Meth Project effort is research-validated, nationally recognized, high-impact advertising that communicates graphically the risks of Meth use.

"The hazardous and life-threatening product features and consequences of Methamphetamine are clear, compelling, and undeniable. We are communicating these product features and consequences to the young people of Montana on a massive scale."

I wonder if they've factored into their safety plan the increase in people driving off the road upon seeing one of these in billboard size.

In any case, after having to show my driver's license twice today simply to purchase a small box of Sudafed, it occurs to me that one conclusion to draw from such tactics is that from the perspective of helpful government officials, we all may be potential meth addicts barring their intervention. More likely, however, is that ad campaigns and legal restrictions serve to (theoretically) dissuade and limit consumption among the targeted population most likely to become addicts while at the same time (and more importantly) proving to the rest of us that "they're on top of the problem." So, I have to look at gross ads and enter my name in a drug user database for little more than my own piece of mind about the nation's progress on the drug war.

Awesome.

Big Spanish Castle Optical Illusion

Neato.

The most important Public Service Announcement you'll see today.

You really ought to check out the June 8 PennFreeFM radio interview with Patrick Moore, one-time founding member of Greenpeace. I don't think an hour of radio has ever left me feeling so truly uninformed. Good stuff.

Gallery of Hair Tragedy

Someone Tell Sam Jackson He's My Bro

via The Movie Blog

Happy 3-Year PoF Blogiversary!

Yes, it's been three solid years of time-wasting zaniness. Here's a helpful chart showing the influence this blog has on the world-wide-interwebs:



Let's keep on truckin'.

Artistic Interpretations of Literary Figures - exactly what it sounds like, just a nice collection.

Animator v. Animation

Finnish Disco + Musical Garbage = Love My Tender Humps

The original video is pretty fun too.

Zack v. Slater

I know it's stupid, but I still laughed.

6-6-6 National Emo Kid Beatdown Day

(via Cruel)

So at work there’s this email listserv that occasionally (ok, frequently) gets a little out of control re: content. As we just acquired 2 new clerks in the last week, they are getting quite the initiation into how our world works via the listserv. Take, for instance, this email sent out randomly around noon today:

Subject: open letter

Dear everyone,

I accidentally pooped my pants this morning. Please steer clear of [our] chambers.

Some Unnamed Clerk


It subsequently came to light that the email was sent as a prank when Some Unnamed Clerk left his PC unattended when he went to lunch. Nonetheless, I think there’s a whole new academic field of poop jokes jurisprudence to be explored.

Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = Got Nuthin' on Diet Coke + Mentos

In a desperate grab for ratings, Donald Trump enlists Charles Manson on The Apprentice.

Victor once questioned why I harbored any animosity towards Scott Stapp Sack... I think "Scott Stapp: Behind the Douchebag" pretty much sums it up.

For Excellence in Facial Hair...



2006 World Beard Championships

Of all the weird crap that gets posted here, I think this freaky robotic mule is the most likely to give me nightmares. Built by the fine folks at Boston Dynamics (and it also needs a decent soundtrack).

This is really more of Matt's kind of post, but since he's Traveling Matt this week, I'll post it: 10 Things To Make You Want to Puke

Nick passes along this amusing collection of wedding bloopers.

A Comic Threepeat and Todd Props...



Our man of science, Todd Seavey, led a valiant counter-protest against the lefty-anarchists protesting DC Comics and the V for Vendetta film about a month ago. Todd and his fellow anarcho-capitalists led a counter protest which PoF reported here. The whole wacky affair was covered by Columbia's Student News Service and some Comic Shop. Along with the update, Todd sends along this fun bit about German anarchists dressed as superheros raiding high-end restaurants for gourmet food to give to the poor and unemployed.

BTW, Todd, the scotch-tape was a nice touch.

Secret Wars Re-enactment Society

Extreme Mormons