Jesus wants your colon cleansed

"Our mission at Hallelujah Acres is to teach people the world over about God’s natural laws for healing and health."

Apparently, these laws include using "a gelatinous bulk [to] sweep the colon clean of putrefied feces." Thankfully, Hallelujah Acres stepped forward with the Fiber Cleanse supplement.

Can you think of anything better to do after Thanksgiving?

Reno rocks

If you missed your chance to get the Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate CD, not to worry. You can console yourself by snagging Janet Reno's box set:

"Though Reno, 69, is slowed these days by Parkinson's disease, she was forceful and passionate when she spoke to The Associated Press about 'Song of America,' which has been about a decade in the making.

"Through 50 songs, reinterpreted by artists including John Mellencamp, the Black Crowes, Martha Wainwright and Devendra Banhart, the story of America and the different challenges it has faced, from war to racism to the Depression, is retold for today's audiences."

Credit: Tom

Felten book now out

"How's Your Drink?" columnist Eric Felten has a new book out just in time for the holidays. Here's an excerpt:

"Recommending good things to drink is an enterprise fraught with moral peril. Encourage folks to try a cocktail, and there are sure to be some among them who will like it altogether too much.

"A good drink, though not without risk, can be eminently livable. Alcohol is no doubt a drug, but in moderation it is a very social one. It primes the conversational pump; it nudges the shy from the bonds of their awkwardness; it midwives romance; it concludes treaties. Firewater, like fire, can be awesomely destructive; learning to marshal the power of both is a hallmark of civilization.

"A proper cocktail is one that connects us with each other even more than it connects us with the past. At its best, a good drink is a sort of secular communion, a cup of fellowship."

Samwell - What What (In the Butt)

"Samwell said in an interview with KROQ-FM that the opening image is "not a cross, but a flaming symbol that [he] just happened to use," but according to Giorgio, "[Samwell] wanted it because he's a Christian but he doesn't do Christian morality. For him having a burning cross is a way to pay respect to his beliefs." It is followed by sighing lips superimposed on a chocolate heart, which quickly morphs into a chocolate star, a reference to the anal cavity. The purpose of the glossy mouth is to attract attention."

Seven Wonders of the Totalitarian World

Is that the Legion of Doom lurking in the background? And why are the guards standing in phone booths?
An interesting round-up by Esquire.

via HitAndRun

The Beard Cap

I think everyone should wear one this holiday season.

Nota Bene?

"Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with [Tom Tancredo] on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man."

The dark underbelly of capitalism

Via the Washington Post: "A kids' book doesn't sound like the seed of a multimillion-dollar enterprise, even if it is about the HokieBird, the much-loved mascot for Virginia Tech University.

"It was a simple tale of the HokieBird visiting the main sites on campus, saying hello to everyone, then going home and going to bed. Naren thought every parent who'd graduated from Tech would want one for his little one.

"This year, Mascot Books will have 70 titles, including its first books for NFL football teams. Aimee has created a proprietary character named Cort the Sport, who will be in a series of titles on good sportsmanship. Revenue this year is projected to reach $4 million."

According to a reviewer of Howdy Reveille!, "I'm happy with it because it got my niece to say 'Gig 'Em' and 'Reveille.'"

Nota Bene

My friend, Bretigne, sums up what its like to be an otherwise completely jaded nonvoter now fervently supporting Ron Paul quite nicely:

Like many of his supporters, I don’t agree with Dr. Paul on all of his positions. We part ways on abortion and immigration. But the issues where we do agree are so important and there is so much at stake that our differences are not an impediment to my support. More importantly – and I believe this is one of the greatest keys to his success – I know that his stance on each issue is the product of his genuinely held beliefs. He does not choose his words based on opinion polls or on the fundraising successes they have earned other candidates, but on his own understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Because of this I have unending respect for the man.

Pen spinning!

Via A.R.T.: "Pen spinning is a form of contact juggling that involves the deft manipulation of a writing instrument with one's hands. Although it is often considered a form of self-entertainment (usually in a school/office setting), multinational competitions and meetings are often held."

Toothpaste for Dinner Ultimate Music CD

At only $9.00 a pop, you can do all your Christmas shopping in one fell swoop!

"The Ultimate Music CD is a CD-R which contains 109 mp3 files (320kbps.) It includes 5 full albums, as well as b-sides, and instrumental versions of numerous tracks. I wrote, performed, arranged, and mixed all of these songs myself.

"This is the only place you can get 'Comb Your Beard', 'Charles Has A Licking Problem', and all the other music I've released via YouTube videos in the past year.

"THESE SONGS WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED AGAIN AFTER THE ULTIMATE MUSIC CD IS SOLD OUT. This CD is only being released to ensure that the last six years' worth of music I've recorded will be available directly from me in high-quality format, one last time, for those who want to hear it. I'm done thinking about my old bands and want to give them a proper last release before forgetting about them forever."

Too many ho's

"Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional 'ho ho ho' greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

"Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported."

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

A blog that needs no more explanation beyond its title.

Via Cynical C

Drew responds to Meredith

Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

Model prisoners

PoF News - 2007 marks the 10-year anniversary of Seattle-based bra manufacturer Decent Exposure's innovative partnership with the Washington State Department of Corrections. Offenders staying at the Helen B. Ratcliff Work Release site are given the opportunity to consider a successful transition back to the community through a career in modeling. As the above photo illustrates, the program is meeting or exceeding the community's expectations.

Do you speak Hopelandic?

"[Sigur Ros] front man Jon Birgisson usually sings in one of two languages: Icelandic or 'Hopelandic,' a gibberish he made up that lacks vocabulary and grammar. It's unclear if any of these songs are in Hopelandic, since I don't speak Icelandic; it's all a bit nonsensical to my ear."

In the mood for nonsense? Check out "Hvarf/Heim."

Everything you always wanted to know about rennet*

*but were afraid to ask.

Thanks to Dr. Fankhauser, you can find what you've been looking for:

"Presumably, the first cheese was produced by accident when the ancients stored milk in a bag made from the stomach of a young goat, sheep or cow. They found that the day-old milk would curdle in the bag (stomach), yielding solid chunks (curds) and liquid (whey). Once they discovered that the curd-chunks could be separated out and dried, they had discovered a means by which milk, an extremely perishable food, could be preserved for later use. The addition of salt was found to preserve these dried curds for long periods of time.

"At some point, someone discovered that the most active portion of the young animal's stomach to cause curdling was the abomasum, the last of the four chambers of the stomach of a ruminant animal. (In sequence, the four chambers are rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum.) In particular, the abomasum from a suckling kid or calf was especially active. The abomasum was cut it into strips, salted and dried. A small piece would be added to milk in order to turn it into curds and whey."

Too good to be true

You've probably been a big fan of end times prophet Salem Kirban for a while now. But who can afford access to all of his great materials? The novel 666, for instance (from which the above photo is taken), was called by one reviewer "Possibly the Worst Book Ever Written." Well, now you're in luck. For a limited time, Kirban is offering a fantastic package deal:

"I WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU A generous ASSORTMENT of both my Mini-Books and Newsletters both on Bible prophecy and Alternative health...a $25 value...FREE!

"To receive my free assortment of Mini-Books and Future Events Newsletters... Just send $3 to partially cover shipping costs.

"Respond in the next 5 days... and we will include an extra surprise!"

Reader Poll

So... since I gave Ron Paul a campaign donation today, do you think he'll accept my invitation to be LinkedIn or am I still only at MySpace friend status?

/still can't believe I just donated money to a political candidate

If Frank Miller wrote American history

Honeycrisp time

Monoculture farming has gotten a lot of bad press of late, but I'm guessing its detractors haven't had the pleasure of eating a Honeycrisp apple. The experience is enough to make a convert of any holdout.

Sure, in the era of cider mill fodder such as Jonagolds and McIntoshes, it made sense to seek out the occasional Braeburn or Pink Lady to spice things up, but the arrival of the Honeycrisp signals the dawn of a new golden age of apple eating delight. Hand over that Red Delicious, pal, you've suffered enough.