Charleston man reveals secret of the ninja



Via Cruel: "Charleston police officers investigating an indecent-exposure complaint wound up battling a James Island man armed with nunchucks and covered in grease in his apartment, a report states.

"A 61-year-old woman who lives in the same apartment complex had complained about the man walking into her apartment and disrobing a short while earlier Tuesday morning. According to the report, the suspect had knocked at about 11 a.m. and asked to borrow oil. Assuming he meant cooking oil, the woman went to the kitchen to put some in a bowl.

"She became frightened when he walked through the front door, which she had left open, and closed it behind him. She also realized he might not be talking about cooking oil, since he began to talk about greasing his body for the kick-boxing-based workout, Tae-Bo, the report states.

"She told police he followed her into the kitchen, disrobed and then asked her to put oil on him.

"The report recounts the following confrontation with the suspect, 49-year-old Rudolph Claude Smith, after officers Adam Thayer and George Hildebidle knocked on his door:

"Smith answered reluctantly, wearing athletic shorts and shoes with oil covering his bare torso and a pair of wooden nunchucks in his left hand. The officers ordered him to drop the weapon, but he refused. When Thayer attempted to grab his arm, Smith began hitting Hildebidle with the nunchucks. They had a hard time controlling him because of the oil.

"The officers battled back with batons, eventually wrestling Smith to the ground and putting him in handcuffs."

Maddox book now available for pre-ordering



You have to wait until June to enjoy at your leisure, however:

"Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history.

"The triumph of flannel over good taste This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls."

JoBlo ranks the top ten 80's movie music videos (10-6) (5-1). More accurately, its the top-ten-cheesy-over-the-top-cameo-ridden music videos. Don't miss the top two entries (I'd never seen either one before).



Personally, I would have left off the Karate Kid inspired vids and went with the honorable mentions instead.

Another excellent dessert idea



"PORK CHOCS™

"CALLING ALL LOW CARB DIETERS… Here’s another unique and original creation from your favorite chocolatiers here at A Bountiful Harvest Designs.

"They’re sweet with a hint of saltiness and crunchy all wrapped up in one!"

Sweet, sweet veggies



It is the coolest thing. From the makers of Spaghetti Ice Cream ("There is no spaghetti in Spaghetti Ice Cream") comes the appetizing creation of Asparagus Ice Cream. Shockingly, people have been into this concept for some time.

Economics helps prevent gamer boredom



Who knew scarcity could be so much fun?

"What if everything in life were free? You'd think we'd be happier. But game designers know better: We'd be bored. Economics is loosely defined as choice under scarcity. After all, in the real world, there's only so much to go around. You can't always get what you want, and unfulfilled desires give rise to markets. But in a game world, there's no inherent reason for scarcity. Game designers have given us plenty of utopias where we can have all the mithril we want, to buy whatever we want whenever we want it. Problem is, those worlds turn out to be dull."

Strangely, companies have yet to market "eXtreme Poverty: The Gaming Adventure."

Link Via DoL.

Todd sends along this fun tidbit from the NYTimes:

Morgan Spurlock, who gorged himself on an all-McDonald's diet for a month to create his film "Super Size Me," received a standing ovation on Friday after a speech at Hatboro-Horsham High School's health fair. But not everyone was pleased with Mr. Spurlock's commentary at the school in a Philadelphia suburb, The Associated Press reported. Mr. Spurlock was said to have made fun of McDonald's employees' intelligence and referred to "retarded kids in the back wearing helmets." Superintendant William Lessa called the speech "inappropriate," but Mr. Spurlock defended himself, saying, "The greatest lesson those kids learned today was the importance of free speech." Mr. Spurlock was scheduled to make another speech later that night for community members, but it was canceled.

For some serious (but excellent!) reading, check out:

Legalize Methamphetamine! (credit to Bretigne)

The Secret of George Mason (credit to Don B.)

Scarface: The F'in Short Version (warning, some mild profanity)

Why I oughta...



Klevay recently came across this Three Stooges-esque passage from The Bare Faced Messiah, a book driven out of publication by the Church of Scientology. It seems Aleister Crowley was getting fed up with the wild antics of John Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard, who were attempting to raise a "Moonchild" through satanic ritual:

"Apparently Parsons or Hubbard or somebody is producing a Moonchild. I get fairly frantic when I contemplate the idiocy of these louts."

Poo-Hat

Japan extends its love for excrement to fashion.

Pieces of Flair store now open

Bring home all of the fun of reading a blog. Order your favorites from Pieces of Flair Wear now...

Drink with Klevay:


Spread your love of culture with poetry on a trucker hat:


Post stickers declaring your love of robot music:


Or, put Victor Lams on your chest:


Stay tuned for more!

Pointless Waste of Time takes on Photograph by Nickelback

Anime convention coverage



A Fan's View: proof that psychology has failed us.

Neil Gaiman tribute cd in the works



Via The Great Curve: Billboard reports that "An album inspired by the work of prolific author Neil Gaiman will be released this summer by Philadelphia-based independent label Dancing Ferret Discs. The project, tentatively titled 'Where's Neil When You Need Him?,' is expected to arrive July 18, according to Dancing Ferret principal Patrick Rodgers.

"Rodgers, who is came up with the album's concept and is acting as music supervisor, asked artists he knew were fans of the writer to compose material based on their favorite Gaiman character or story. Some fashioned songs after his more popular work, such as the comic book series 'The Sandman,' while others took their inspiration from such rare pieces as his short story 'The Goldfish Pool.'

"Tori Amos, Tapping The Vein, Schandmaul, ThouShaltNot, the Cruxshadows, Lunascape and 11 other artists will contribute songs. Dave McKean is doing the album's art, and Gaiman will write the liner notes."

(Victor probably read The Sandman in high school, so he can ignore this post)

"You know what I'm sayin'?"



Pierce Bush, the teenage nephew of G.W., has largely been keep out of the media spotlight. A Google image search only comes up with pics of Barbara, for instance. Apparently, however, Pierce decided he's tired of standing in the shadows and is ready for the world to hear his pearls of wisdom. He started off with a letter-writing campaign, but recently kicked it into high gear with a hilarious appearance on The Today Show.

Via BoingBoing.

ZeFrank reviews the daily news



Everything you need to know about every day's events:

April 13
April 12
April 11
April 10
April 7

Archives

Our contestants are mighty lucky that James Kochalka's Monkey vs. Robot is not presently a contender in the 2006 PoF Robot-Song-Off as this song would surely corner the comic book, monkey, and Kochalkaholic contingencies. The song even has its own t-shirts. (Credit to Todd via some-Nugent-who-is-not-Ted)

Monument to Pro-Life



If you haven't taken sides in the abortion debate yet, this may cause you to do so:

"A nude Britney Spears on a bearskin rug while giving birth to her firstborn marks a ‘first’ for Pro-Life. Pop-star Britney Spears is the 'ideal' model for Pro-Life and the subject of a dedication at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district, in what is proclaimed the first Pro-Life monument to birth, in April.

"Dedication of the life-sized statue celebrates the recent birth of Spears’ baby boy, Sean, and applauds her decision of placing family before career. 'A superstar at Britney’s young age having a child is rare in today’s celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and bravery of her decision,' said gallery co-director, Lincoln Capla. The dedication includes materials provided by Manhattan Right To Life Committee.

“'Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston,' believed Pro-Life’s first monument to the ‘act of giving birth,’ is purportedly an idealized depiction of Britney in delivery. Natural aspects of Spears’ pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean’s head."

Thanks to intrepid link-hunter Klevay for the catch.

Write with style



Looking to improve your writing? Here's your chance:

"A federal court ordered prosecutors to sell Unabomber Ted Kaczynski's papers and other personal effects--such as a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style--to help pay the $15 million in restitution Kaczynski owes victims of his mail bombs."

Every wash could be your last



In honor of World Water Day, give yourself an incentive to conserve with Feto Soap's Razor Blade bars.

Be Prepared: The Motto of the Boy Scouts of America



Steve at The Sneeze helpfully brings the Viagra ring into the spotlight.

Hail Xenu!

I've avoided any scientology-Isaac-Hayes-Tom-Cruise-Southpark-good-riddance rants because I'm convinced there's nothing I can blog that isn't already obvious. But just to prove I haven't been asleep at the wheel, here's a round-up of worthwhile links:

Jimmy Kimmel shows a clip of Isaac Hayes' new voiceover career.

Penn's proof that Isaac Hayes seeks his forgiveness.

The infamous press release.

An illustrated history of Scientology.

And Letterman proves once again that he's a total hack by asking Matt and Trey the most boring questions he can invent. Seriously, he makes Carson Daly look good.

p.s. Props to Mr. Hayes for providing the best unintentional advertising for Southpark since the media's coverage of 162 utterances of the word shit.

In case you missed her two weeks ago, behold: the greatest cheerleader in the universe (for what that's worth).

Like rain on your wedding day....



My alma mater sponsors a pro-mumia event (go here and here if you're not one of the three people who sees the humor of this).

And Christopher Hitchens and Garrison Keilor stop sparring long enough to share space under the definition of "reek." (Credit to Todd)

Fortune Magazine Has Been Infiltrated By the Church of the Subgenius


Compare: Indeed, "the notion that busyness is the essence of business can only do us long-term harm," writes consultant Tom DeMarco in a book called Slack: Getting Past Burnout, Busywork, and the Myth of Total Efficiency.
DeMarco knows the word "slack" has some not-so-hot connotations -- slacking off, slacker, slack-jawed... -- but his definition is different: the degree of freedom required to effect change.

With: The central belief in the Church is the pursuit of Slack, which generally stands for the sense of freedom, independence, and original thinking that comes when you achieve your personal goals. The Church states that we were all born with Original Slack, but that Slack has been stolen from us by a worldwide conspiracy of normal people, or "pinks". The Church encourages originality and frowns on actions seen as pinkness, which happens when you bow down to authority and the accepted limits of society. Popular Church phrases supporting these goals are "The SubGenius Must Have Slack" and "Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke."

Q.E.D.

From realistic to unflattering in two easy steps



Tired of throwing pies and sitting on three grand? Take your political protest to the next level with the Create-A-Candidate package from Facemakers Incorporated.

Slate on the virtue of buying organic



Reasons To Buy Organic

Save Energy: "In terms of energy savings, there's no contest: Just think of the fossil fuels expended getting those organic tomatoes from Chile."

Help the Small Farmer: "Almost all the organic food in this country comes out of California. And five or six big California farms dominate the whole industry."

It's Good for You: "American populism chafes against the notion of good health for those who can afford it. Which brings us to the newest kid in the organic-food sandbox: Wal-Mart, the world's biggest grocery retailer, has just begun a major program to expand into organic foods. It's likely that neither Wal-Mart nor Whole Foods will do much to encourage local agriculture or small farming, but in an odd twist, Wal-Mart, with its simple 'More for Less' credo, might do far more to democratize the nation's food supply than Whole Foods. The organic-food movement is in danger of exacerbating the growing gap between rich and poor in this country by contributing to a two-tiered national food supply, with healthy food for the rich. Could Wal-Mart's populist strategy prove to be more 'sustainable' than Whole Foods? Stranger things have happened."

Link via DoL.

New Ben Harper full cd listening party



Rolling Stone says: "The rap on Ben Harper's music up to this point has been that it's been too derivative. This could be the album where he finally transcends that: "Engraved Invitation," for example, uses "Jumpin' Jack Flash" as a starting point, but it isn't a replica of the Stones; it's Harper using raunch as a starting place for his own more spiritual trip. It's the kind of liftoff from rooted points of departure he's always made. But on Both Sides of the Gun it takes you higher."

Super Spek Me



The Morgan Spurlock amusements continue:

"A Czech man, inspired by American film maker Morgan Spurlock's film 'Super Size Me,' was interested to see how his own body would respond if he ate an 'unhealthy' Czech diet.

"Karel Gustav Bozan called the experiment 'Super Spek (Shpeck) Me,' the word 'spek' meaning 'fat' in slang.

"Under the guidance of doctors, Bozan ate fatty meals such as goulash with dumplings or baked sirloin steak with a cream sauce.

"He ate the 'unhealthy' Czech food for a month only to discover that he lost weight during the exercise."

Juiceman



or Juicelady?

Furries dominate American wine market



"A fish, a monkey, a kangaroo — Americans just can't get enough of the animals swimming, swinging and hopping onto wine labels.

"In the super-competitive business of selling wine, animals give new brands an edge. Americans buy twice as much of new wines with beasts on their labels as they do other new wines, according to the marketing information company ACNielsen."

The Economist speculates on the future of shaving



Via DoL: "Twin blades seemed plausible. Three were a bit unlikely. Four, ridiculous. And five seems beyond the pale. Few people, though, seem willing to bet that Gillette's five-bladed Fusion is the end of the road for razor-blade escalation. More blades may seem impossible for the moment—though strictly speaking the Fusion has six, because it has a single blade on its flip-side for tricky areas—but anyone of a gambling persuasion might want to examine the relationship between how many blades a razor has, and the date each new design was introduced.

"This relationship (see chart) suggests shavers are going to get more blades whether they need them or not. However, just like Moore's law—the observation that computer chips double in power every 18 months or so—it seems that technology as well as marketing determines the rate at which new blades are introduced.

"It is simply not possible to add a new blade whenever the marketing department wants one. Every additional blade, explains Michele Szynal, a spokeswoman at Gillette, adds weight and size to a razor. Firms must therefore find ways of making both razor and blades lighter, which means thinner blades, more closely spaced, made of special materials, with new coatings.

"So what does the future hold? With only five data-points, it is hard to be sure exactly which mathematical curve is being followed. If it is what is known as a power law, then the 14-bladed razor should arrive in 2100. The spate of recent innovation, however, suggests it may be a hyperbola. In that case, blade hyperdrive will be reached in the next few years and those who choose not to sport beards might be advised to start exercising their shaving arms now."

I like butter



I recognize that most people seem to equate eating butter with a dangerous flirtation with death and so I'm trying to make the switch to margarine. I just can't get images of things coming to life in the fridge - like the talking Parkay tub or The Stuff - out of my mind, though, and they freak me out.



Reading this passage from The Secret House doesn't help matters:

"Margarine is made from fat. It was first invented in response to an award offered by the French Emperor, Napoleon III, after the urban rebellions of 1848 to find a cheap source of fat for the working classes who could not afford butter. Today there's soya fat in margarine, also the fat you get from squished herrings, and about 20 per cent of the total is beef fat or even nice old-fashioned lard—pig's fat. All these fats are mixed together and melted, and if you think molten pig's fat smells bad, you should wait till you've had the misfortune to walk through a factory where it's being stirred in with boiling herring and other fats. The whole mess is so repulsive, so clearly distasteful and unmarketable (it comes out colored grey on top of it all) that before anything else is done it has to be funneled into even larger deodorizing vats to try to get rid of the stink.

"What comes out of the deodorizer, while at least it can be approached without gagging, is still not quite the tempting substance commercial margarine is supposed to be. It's grey, it's sticky, and it's far, far too chunky. The grey gloop is poured into another vat, metal shavings are clunked in before it, then the vat is screwed shut and high-pressure hydrogen gas is sprayed in. The fats are boiled and compressed in there, they react with the nickel and hydrogen, and when finally the ordeal is over and the top taken off, the lumps are gone."

Pants to poverty



Will someone please buy these people some of Bono's "fairtrade" $75 t-shirts and $195 pants before we all go blind?

The trouble with moshing...



...is that someone might take your picture and post it online.

All the Gallo you can handle



Have you been thinking you need more Vincent Gallo in your life? Your troubles are over. Between The Vincent Gallo Appreciation Page and vgmerchandise.com, you should be all set.

In addition to films, posters and cd's, vgmerchandise also has some more unusual items. Cruel.com reports on the following:

"If you're not interested in buying any of his clothing, the actor Vincent Gallo offers another collectible that requires special storage.

"He's selling his sperm for $1 million (scroll down):

"'Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.'"

In the tradition of Pimp My Lando, Playskool gives us Strawberry Shortskank (via Etc)

Supply and demand



Thanks to a very special offer, you can lay your hands on a $400 NASCAR gee-tar for less than half the sticker price. Who could have guessed that slapping Jeff Gordon's car on a Silvertone would leave retailers with stock to unload?

Thanks to Mr. Miro for the heads up on this important development.

It's not extreme unless it's 170 degrees!



Why is it that all so-called "extreme" drinks are served pleasantly chilled? As long as you're going to drink carbonated battery acid, you might as well bring it to a boil (and add a slice of lemon).

Hot Dr. Pepper

12 ounces Dr. Pepper
2 lemon slices

"Pour the Dr. Pepper into a saucepan. Heat until it is hot and bubbly, at exactly 170 degrees F. Place a lemon slice in the bottom of each of two mugs. Pour the Dr. Pepper into the mugs, then serve immediately."

Happy St. Urho's Day!

Alan Moore loves Hollywood



Just kidding: "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was the reason why I decided to take my name off all subsequent films," he says in part one of an interview from The Beat:

"In talking to Moore – who is just as fascinating and voluble as you've heard – it becomes clear that the situation with his work at DC and in Hollywood causes him a lot of very real pain.

"Despite Moore's unhappiness, he does manage to talk about V FOR VENDETTA, a work of which he is justly very proud."

Part two is here.

Via Boing Boing.

You're one in a million



Brighten someone's day:

"This mug is a great gift for any occasion, and lets your friend or family member know that they are 'One in a million...' which means there are a thousand people in China exactly like them."

Also available: Pimp creepers for babies and mousepads displaying George Bush's thoughts on asparagus.

Stock up on ink pads



Highlander Celtic Stamps - THE site for all of your Scottish and Irish-themed stamping needs.

Sweet 'n Meaty



Via DoL: "The Grizzlies and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts have teamed up to create 'Baseball’s Best Burger.' The burger, which was debuted at the Grizzlies' December 10th sale, consists of a thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut."

2006 Pieces of Flair Robot-Song-Off

Will robots eat away at your free will, or are they more likely to increase our farming productivity? Who cares - what everyone really wants to know is who has the best song about these walking tin cans.

Therefore, PoF is hosting its first ever Robot-Song-Off. Readers can listen and vote to determine who will walk away Winner of the Pieces of Flair 2006 Robot-Song-Off. In addition, a fabulous prize package consisting of all kinds of flair will be sent out to the worthy songwriter.

If in the process the PoF Robot-Song-Off raises some awareness for Rodney Brooks' group at MIT, well, all the better.

UPDATE: Winner announced!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Entry #1: "Gears of Fire" by Sequin Socks
Creator Lesley Braden describes the tune as "a song about forbidden robot love, the longing of love by a robot who knows its function in life is only to serve another, not to satisfy its own emotional needs."

Entry #2: "Robodance" by Sonic Love
Jojo explains that the song is "about an elderly robot acting tough."

Entry #3: "My Robot" by Duncan Parsons
Duncan says that "It's about a chap's relationship with his plastic pal who's fun to be with."

Entry #4: "Dancing Machine" by Let's Audio
"Parappa the Rapper" lead artist Rodney Greenblat tells us that "my friend Abby Denson and I made [this] nice robot disco song in 2001 for our CD - LET'S AUDIO."

Entry #5: "Robot Voice - Revolution" by Elektroniqa
According to the website, songwriter KEv says that he is "Lucky to be able to practice my art - music is a big part of my life. To be able to share it with you - an even greater gift."

Entry #6: "A Robot Overcompensates" by Victor Lams
Victor explains that "This song is about a Motoman PX800 Painting & Coating Robot who is kind of a jerk."

Entry #7: "Tiny Robots" by Mr. Miro
The song that begged for a Robot-Song-Off! Mr. Miro tells us that Tiny Robots "is a quick stab at the more obvious flaws" of Lutheran theologian Ted Peters' account of free will in the book Playing God?.

Entry #8: "sparks fly" by Wildchurch
Knockman says that this is "a ditty written from the perspective of a robot in love - a kind of synthetic chanson."

Entry #9: "Robot Discotheque" by xoxos
According to xoxos, this is "a popular-format song."

UPDATE: Winner announced!

Soothes what ails you



"How to Make a Pepto Vodka Cocktail:

Add 2 shots Vodka to 2 shots Pepto-Bismol. Stir. Enjoy."

If that doesn't sound appealing, here are some other Pepto-based options:

The After Hours

The Pepto Pete

When Jugglers Feud


I've been listening to all the MP3 streams of PennFreeFM that I can get hold of and I can't recommend the show enough. Anyhow, in a lovely radio-web-crap-crossover, Penn has taken aim at the Chris Bliss' juggling bit that has been making the rounds. (I'm so glad I never posted it when I saw it about two weeks ago...) Anyhow, after shredding the Bliss bit for being amateurish, Penn goads obsessive compulsive juggler, Jason Garfield, into one-upping Bliss. Here is the result.