That not-so-smurfy feeling

Sad news from Croatia.

It's like a scene from a psychedelic dream or some cheese-induced nightmare.

But the bizarre sight of almost 400 grown men, women and children covered head to foot in blue paint wearing white trousers and floppy white hats is actually a serious record-breaking attempt.

The record they were trying to smash was the much-coveted "most Smurfs gathered together at one time."

But it wasn't meant to be.

Go here for the tragic conclusion.

On the bright side, at least paint comes off.

Via H&R.

"He called the s#!t, poop!"

Placing flaming bags of crap on a neighbor's porch is so fourth grade. Now, via poopsenders.com, you can anonymously and safely send piles of crap to your neighbors, boss, co-workers, ex or whoever else pisses you off. It's clean (for you) and affordable!

They also have a "raunchy" version of the site available here. What are you waiting for?

Headline source: one of the greatest movies of all time.

Via Shaun.

"I could chew Alaska."

So says an anonymous compulsive ice chewer quoted in a recent WSJ piece on the latest craze to sweep the nation: Pagophagia!

Also, I thought I lived in the Bible Belt, but according to some chewers, the South is the "Chew Belt."

Via Jacob.

The Hawaii-Chair

Via Cynical-C.

Cheeseburger in a Can!

While we're on the topic of bizarre foodstuffs, go ahead and order yourself some canned cheeseburgers, you know, for camping. Those Swiss with their zany woodsmen ways.

The folks at Gizmodo can't decide if this development is really cool or really awful. It's that last one.

Via the Agitator.

Rap Snacks

Rap Snacks: The Official Snacks of Hip Hop. I almost bought some of these today, thinking "I should have a party, just to invite people over to admire my Rap Snacks..." Then I remembered I have a blog for this sort of thing. I think my favorite part of Rap Snacks may be the inspirational message that appears with each rapper. Stat Quo's Sour Cream and Cheddar tells us to "Pursue your college degree," while Murphy Lee's Red Hot Riplets simply encourages us to "Pimp education." Much can be learned from Rap Snacks indeed.

'For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch"'

...the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape.

Full listing here.

If that and truck nuts don't complete your anatomical design scheme, splurge on Jingle Jugs for those boring, bare walls. Or, maybe not.

Black is the new black

Seriously.

U.S. researchers said on Tuesday they have made the darkest material on Earth, a substance so black it absorbs more than 99.9 percent of light.

Made from tiny tubes of carbon standing on end, this material is almost 30 times darker than a carbon substance used by the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology as the current benchmark of blackness.

Via io9.

O'Connell does Cruise

In the fine tradition of Seth Green as Chris Crocker, Jerry O'Connell moves from a PTS to a full-blown SP with this video.

You would think he might be concerned about Hollywood's revenge on his acting career, but perhaps he figures he has little to lose at this point.

Ode to the pickled watermelon rind

"But in a jar put up by Felicity,
The summer which maybe never was
Has been captured and preserved.
And when we unscrew the lid
And slice off a piece
And let it linger on our tongue;
Unicorns become possible again."

- "Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle," by John Tobias

Hungry for some? The good news is that pickled watermelon rind is easy to make or buy!

General Butt Naked

Strangely clothed in the photo above, General Butt Naked looks back on his life of naked warfare, child sacrifice and cannibalism and discovers that he has some regrets.

Link via Shaun.

Trouble at home drives man to...

Piracy!

At least that's what this Wikipedia entry claims of "The Gentleman Pirate," Stede Bonnet.

"Because of marital problems, and despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided to turn to piracy in the summer of 1717."

Hoff Update

First, E! is getting ready to spin some “Tales of the Hoff,” a Ryan Seacrest-produced scripted comedy starring David Hasselhoff. The project — part of E!’s previously announced move toward adding scripted programming into its mix — will follow the fictional dark and twisted trials and tribulations of an international icon as he navigates Hollywood and the world of dating after divorce.

Second, I have once again received a 2008 Hoff calendar which I share with all of you and encourage its dissemination.

Third, Todd Seavey's upcoming Reason article on nanotech, which details his visit to Scotland and meetings with leading nanotech scientists, features this odd tidbit: In his lab is a David Hasselhoff poster that says "I tried to save the world, but I forget to save myself. --The Hoff." Todd kept me apprised of the editing process and not only was this not cut from the article, the editors were interested in including a picture of the poster for, as Todd puts it, "the article... the article on nanotech."

And, last but not least, rumor has it that the Hoff should be appearing both Anaconda 3 and Anaconda 4.

Ginger Kids

The International Ginger Kids Foundation, or IGKF ,is a not-for-profit organization founded in 2002. The goal of the IGKF is to achieve equality, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for Ginger Kids all over the world. Gingervitis is a serious disease affecting millions of people. Every day 1337 children are born with gingervitis in the United States alone. Not only do these special people have to struggle with a life long disease in which there is no known cure, they are often the target of ridicule and jokes. The only way we will ever find a cure is if we work together.

We are people too, even if we don't have souls.

An Infernal "Art" Machine

The Casino de Luxembourg has recently held a retrospective exhibition of Delvoye's defecating machines.

The whole family was there: Cloaca Original, Cloaca - New & Improved, Cloaca Turbo, Cloaca Quattro, Cloaca N° 5, Super Cloaca and Personal Cloaca. Plus original drawings, 3D and x-ray photographs, models of Cloaca Clinic gates, videos, sealed bags of Cloaca Faeces and other paraphernalia.

The brand new 8th Cloaca, Mini Cloaca, was premiered at the Casino. The tubular structure is made of metal and glass, and composed of mechanical organs that swallow, grind, digest and defecate a given amount of food. While Super Cloaca consumes 300 kg of food and produces 80 kg of faeces per day, the quantity of food ingested by the dwarfed one is equivalent to that of a breakfast.

Also be sure to check out the Cloaca testimonials and the gift shop, which includes a Wim Delvoye action figure with Cloaca toy, a Cloaca viewmaster, and Cloaca toiletpaper. Incidentally, when not devising new fecal machinations, Devoye also tattoos pigs.

More at We Make $ Not Art.

p.s. You don't even want to know how much freeze dried bags of Cloaca-doo are selling for. It will only make you sad.

Tod Holton, Super Green Beret!

For this little gem, I'm digging way back into the archives (it's on geocities for pete's sake!) of the intertubes to bring you something very special indeed: a page-by-page deconstruction of possibly the worst comic book ever produced: Tod Holton, Super Green Beret! I'll admit that the humor suffers in places, but for me that just adds to the spectacle of it all.

Hopefully, the image above doesn't somehow violate photobucket's terms of service as the photo of the fake testicles did in my first post.

When the Sunday Times Crossword Gets Old

Check out Music Cube - a nifty (and hard) pop music rebus game.

Yee-Haw!

Lasagna Cat, tributes to Jim Davis. More fun with Garfield.

Change the margins, change the world?

No doubt upsetting students everywhere trying to meet paper page requirements, Tamara Krinsky is spearheading a movement to save the environment by reducing default margin settings:

"As I was doing my usual margin-changin' thang while printing out a document for my boss, a light bulb went off in my brain. What if you could get people to adopt changing paper margins on a large scale? What if you could get companies to adopt narrower margins as their printing standard? It would result in a lot less paper consumption. Which of course means saving a lot of trees and cutting down on a lot of waste...but only if a massive amount of people changed their margins."

Anyone interested in starting a competing movement has a decent shot, as changethefontsize.com remains unregistered.

When Just Reading the Comics Isn't Enough

Geist's breath fogs the winter air as he surveys the frozen Minneapolis skyline, searching for signs of trouble. His long duster flaps in the breeze as his eyes flick behind reflective sunglasses; a wide-brim hat and green iridescent mask shroud his identity from those who might wish him harm.

Should a villain attack, the Emerald Enforcer carries a small arsenal to defend himself: smoke grenades, pepper spray, a slingshot, and a pair of six-inch fighting sticks tucked into sturdy leather boots. Leather guards protect Geist's arms; his signature weapon, an Argentinean cattle-snare called bolos, hangs from a belt-holster.
...
Soon Geist faces his first obstacle: parking on the left side of a one-way street. "Usually one of my superpowers is parallel parking," he chuckles as he eases his car into the spot, emerging victorious with a foot and a half between curb and tire. He feeds a gauntleted fistful of quarters into the parking meter, and then pops the trunk on the Geistmobile to retrieve his precious cargo. On the street, he encounters businesspeople on lunch break—some stare openly; others don't even notice his garish attire. "It's easier in winter," Geist says with a laugh. "Winter in Minnesota, everybody's dressed weird."

More on the lives of real life super heros. via HitAndRun

WoT continues

The War on Testicles that is. Legislators in Virginia and now Maryland have made outlawing the (mercifully) fake gonads that some truck and car owners have affixed to the rear bumpers of their vehicles a top legislative priority for 2008. Virginia's anti-nut crusader, Lionel Spruill, also sparked controversy a few years back when he tried to ban saggy pants.

That sort of thing isn't my bag, so to speak, but you can get balls for your vehicle here and here. The latter site (the source of the image above) describes truck balls as the "ultimate fashion statement" and has a fantastic intro video.

Via Freedom and Shit.

What is the bloop?

"Theories abound as to the source of the Bloop. If it is the vocalization of a living organism, it is one which makes its home in the dark, cold depths of the ocean. Some have suggested that giant squids could be responsible for the sound, but that is unlikely considering that no known species of cephalopod have the gas-filled sac necessary to reach such great volumes. Indeed science has not recorded any animals– living or extinct– with nearly enough size to house the organs needed to produce the level of output demonstrated by the Bloop… so unless this mystery creature uses some unknown mechanism to generate sound, it is presumed to be an incredibly massive organism."

Pearson to join PoF team

Thomas Pearson, aka PintPundit, is known for courting controversy by taking stands on important issues - such as the strong pro-Starbucks position shown above. What kind of message will he bring to Pieces of Flair readers? Stay tuned to find out!

Dining Out

Marton Theme Restaurant, named after the Chinese word "Matong" for toilet, has become a hit in Taiwan's second largest city since its opening in May 2004. Though bathroom decor seems a bizarre way to whet the appetites of diners, the idea has been so successful owner Eric Wang opened a second and bigger branch just seven months later. "We not only sell food but also laughter. The food is just as good as any restaurant but we offer additional fun," says 26-year-old Wang, who gave up a career in banking to launch the business. "Most customers think the more disgusting and exaggerated (the restaurant is), the funnier the dining experience is," he says.

In related news, India's "New Lucky Restaurant in Ahmadabad is famous for its milky tea, its buttery rolls, and the graves between the tables". Mmmmm mmmmm good.

SPs and what not

Are you a suppressive person or Potential Trouble Source who missed the Tom Cruise video on YouTube before the Church of Scientology pulled it? Thankfully, Defamer is stepping up to the plate with both full and "best of" versions to satisfy your antisocial tendencies.

I miss Moranis

Rick Moranis might not be in the movies anymore, but his new career is perfectly suited to re-working this number as a duet.

National security advice from Honeybee

Tom points out this gem from the Technology Liberation Front:

"I earlier suggested that the upcoming Heritage event on the REAL ID Act was a 'must miss' because it featured only national ID proponents.

"Since then, I have been turned on to Digimarc lobbyist Janice Kephart’s YouTube page. It’s a must see. She also has a MySpace page. The entertainment value of the Heritage event has risen."

The Return of MST3K

Cinematic Titanic is a project by Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) creator and host, Joel Hodgson. The project involves "riffing" B-movies, like Mystery Science Theater 3000 before it. Joining Hodgson are many of the original MST3K cast, as well as some cast members who joined later in the show's run. These include Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Frank Conniff and Mary Jo Pehl.

Like Mystery Science Theater 3000, the series uses black silhouettes of the riffers placed over the movies, but in the case of Cinematic Titanic they sit on both sides of the screen rather than just on the lower right. Frank Conniff will have access to a lift so as to "interact" with the film, similar to Joel's frequent visual gags in Mystery Science Theater 3000. Host segments play a part in the series, but are not as integral to the show as they were to the prior series.

Penn is Back

After being disappointed by the abrupt end of PennFreeFM, I can now get my daily dose of Penn Jillette once again with Penn Says. With the aid of Sony camera placement, Penn is now airing unedited rants that are thoroughly entertaining (and spot on).

PETA's Cannabilism Prevention Program

Sheriff's officials were astounded Thursday by a letter requesting the man accused of murdering his girlfriend and possibly participating in cannibalism be placed on a vegetarian diet to keep him from being "involved in any senseless killing" while incarcerated.

The letter was faxed to the Smith County Sheriff's Jail from the national headquarters of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Thursday morning.
...

"It is up to you to prevent McCuin from contributing to any more suffering and death by placing him on a healthy, humane vegetarian diet," the letter by PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich reads.
...

When asked how eating a hamburger compared to cannibalism, Friedrich said all meat is from a corpse. He further stated he believes McCuin could become violent if he ate meat and could kill.

The New Siskel & Ebert?

Reel Geezers. Juno is great BTW.

Fun With Veggies

The Vegetable Orchestra. If you haven't gotten your fill, here's a guy rocking out some broccoli, a carrot, a daikon, and a carrot/celery panflute. After perusing a few more youtube videos, I think we can safely blame this on Japan.

Mindblowing Architecture

I knew that Dubai and Kuwait were going a little gonzo on the construction of insanely large skyscrapers and whatnot, but this just made my jaw drop:



I want my flying car. Also in the works: a kilometer-high skyscraper, a bigger version of the entire Las Vegas strip, a building shaped like the death-star, and the world's largest themepark.

More here. Also via Dark Roasted Blend.

Extreme Sleeping

Like any extreme activity, it requires the nerves of steel, good choice of timing, location and the absence of suspicious cops. All this however is easier to achieve, because you are, well... asleep, so you can trust the unseen powers to take care of the rest. Long & restful sleep is by no means guaranteed, but perhaps somebody will take your picture and you'll wake up famous.

More popular than you might think. via Dark Roasted Blend

Blame Canada

Just a reminder of why nationalized health care is heinous.

David Lynch on the iPhone

If you enjoy David Lynch craziness, I can't recommend the "extras" DVD that accompanies Eraserhead too highly. For another fun celebrity rant, check out Pat Metheny's take on Kenny G.

Update David Lynch on product placement.

Me Going To Munch You

Take a break from the political noise for a heartfelt message from Cookie Monster.

Up to 30% off your Tax Bill (Also Taxable)

As tax season approacheth, consider the benefits of ratting out your fellow taxpayers who may not be willingly handing over their income to the benevolent IRS cronies. Credit to Zefrank.

Baby Toupee

The mission of BabyToupee is to show that while parenting can be a great responsibility, it can also be a source of endless amusement.

Huckabee Parody Ad

In related political news... I actually saw our friend from Alabama's name pop up on the Ron Paul "recent donor" screen. It really is a small world after all....