I think the Postal Service has lost my computer. How they can deliver my monitor and not my PC when they were shipped from the same location at the same time is baffling. The outlook isn't good. Hang in there, Matt.

Office supply aficionado Alice Cooper calls Eddie Vedder a moron



"Rock and roll legend Alice Cooper called fellow rock stars campaigning for presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry 'treasonous morons.' Cooper, 56, told the Canadian Press that he was appalled that follow musicians Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, R.E.M., Sheryl Crow, James Taylor, and Dave Matthews are performing a series of concerts in hopes of defeating President George W. Bush in the November 2 election.

"'To me, that's treason,' Cooper said. 'I call it treason against rock and roll, because rock is the antithesis of politics. Rock should never be in bed with politics.'

"Cooper continued, 'If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal.'

"'When I was a kid and my parents started talking about politics, I'd run to my room and put on the Rolling Stones as loud as I could,' Cooper explained. 'So when I see all these rock stars up there talking politics, it makes me sick.'

"Concluded Cooper, 'Besides, when I read the list of people who are supporting Kerry, if I wasn't already a Bush supporter, I would have immediately switched. Linda Ronstadt? Don Henley? Geez, that's a good reason right there to vote for Bush.'"

We are the champions



The story unfolds...

"Once they discovered each other, they spent their parent's fortunes on long distance phone calls, talking about video games until dawn. Some players had secret boxes they used to place unbilled phone calls and, at night, would make conference calls with as many as fifteen players on the line at the same time. Then they would do their pranks, calling other unsuspecting players and razzing them.

"Beginning with the LIFE photo session, the phone tribe lit up Twin Galaxies' phone lines every night. This initial clique of seventeen kids would number close to one hundred players by 1985, mostly as members of the U.S. National Video Game Team."

Tron guy is no fan of Michael Moore

Jay Maynard recently interviewed Moore fans for Jimmy Kimmel.

Make the switch



"I even get to wear a cape. It's just boss."

I'm back in NY but will be computerless for about a week. I may use this time to rediscover those rectangular objects known as books. In the meantime, you may enjoy visiting PoF through the looking glass... one little letter makes a world of difference: the other Pieces of Flair (.logspot.com).

Go nuts in style



"It's common knowledge that aliens or the government or something is beaming harmful signals throughout the universe nonstop, 24/7. This is what makes almost everyone mindless hypnoslaves, forced to conform to society's norms. But not you, for you are wisely covering your head with dynamic space-age metal, the only substance known to repel those hypnowaves: tin foil. With your homemade tin foil hat, your brain is safe.

"Sure, your hat allows you to subvert your oppressors, but let's face it; it makes you look ridiculous. Chances are it's the same origami hat/ship that kids make. What is the alternative, you ask? Designer tin foil hats. Where to find them? Look no further. Greetings and welcome to tfh, home of the most stylish tin foil hats on Earth, for the discriminating lunatic."

The Iraqi Olympic Diving Trials

President Bush learns an electioneering lesson from past presidents



"President Grover Cleveland vigorously pursued a policy barring special favors to any economic group. Vetoing a bill to appropriate $10,000 to distribute seed grain among drought-stricken farmers in Texas, he wrote: 'Federal aid in such cases encourages the expectation of paternal care on the part of the Government and weakens the sturdiness of our national character. . . .'"

Cleveland lost his re-election bid.

"After Hurricane Andrew left thousands homeless in August 1992, the first President Bush's administration was roundly criticized for moving too slowly to deliver food, water and troops."

G.W.'s father was not re-elected.

"The son apparently did not want to repeat history. Even before Hurricane Charley struck, the second Bush White House was poised to act. Hours after Hurricane Charley made landfall, federal aid was flowing.

"As emergency crews and National Guard troops swooped in to help residents across the state, Floridians were showered with promises, assurances and lists of toll-free numbers they could call for help, according to a story in the LA Times.

"Although Andrew was at the time the largest natural disaster to hit the country, Hurricane Charley was in many ways more of a political challenge.

"'This cut through a lot of good Republican turf, and then I-4 — that's a lot of swing voters,' said David Johnson, a Florida GOP consultant and former executive director of the state party."

The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time



#9 - Fenriz

"Fenriz (Darkthrone) is probably the most dramatic of all black metal-ers. In almost every choreographed photo, he's either kneeling in the woods, got his arms outstretched, or is looking into the sky, no doubt cursing Jesus for not giving him enough money to record a decent album."

Diamonds in the rough?



From Cruel.com, here's a nice collection of ladies that hopefully won't ever be contestants on Fox's "Trading Spouses - Meet your new mommy."

"This year's Miss Georgia Sex Offenders Pageant held many surprises, laughs, tears, excitement, and lots of winners. Women of all backgrounds and of all offenses came from all over Georgia to compete in the festivities."

Build a more amusing Bush



"This November, we Americans pick our President, but until then, lets pick on our President."

Make a fashion statement



"The Olsen twin's recent stint in treatment has provided ample fodder for the fledgling design company Randy and Moss, which has launched a line of 'Save Mary-Kate' T-shirts, with intentions of giving a 20 percent chunk of profits to the National Eating Disorders Association.

"But what began as a novelty is quickly turning into something of a controversy.

"'One night we were working on designs and reading magazines that featured Mary-Kate's eating disorder,' says Randy and Moss cofounder Melissa Moss. She and partner Randy Bol, both 25, brainstormed a design and cranked out the tees within a week. The wares were first available via the Website CafePress.com and then on the duo's own blog, SaveMaryKate.blogspot.com, whose rallying motto is 'Together we can do this. One T-shirt at a time.'

"Bol, who concentrated in drawing at Wisconsin University, sketched the picture of Mary-Kate, complete with protruding ribs and a disproportionately large head--an image criticized on some fan sites for being 'grotesque.'

"'Anorexia is not a beautiful thing,' Moss counters.

"'I'm not sure what Mary-Kate needs saving from,' says Michael Pagnotta, the Olsens' rep. He is quick to point out that the shirts are not endorsed by Olsen and suggests that the twins' company, Dualstar, may look into a possible copyright-infringement claim."

Alan Keyes's sweat up for grabs


(dramatic reenactment)

"Own a part of American history; own the napkin containing sweat from Ambassador Alan Keyes' forehead, immediately following Alan Keyes' historic announcement that he agreed to replace Jack Ryan as the Republican candidate for U. S. Senate in Illinois to take on Democrat Barak Obama.

"GOP Senatorial Candidate Keyes was sweating profusely after his stem-winder speech and the sweat was collected from a napkin at approximately 3:02 pm Central Time just outside the Wellington Restaurant in Arlington Heights, Illinois, under the watchful eye of multiple news reporters including multiple television cameras.

"Many at the Keyes event are calling for Lincoln-Douglas style debates between the first match up of two African-American Senatorial candidates in the history of United States elections.

"Current plans are to donate proceeds from this sale to the Keyes for Senate campaign, pending a legal opinion. Due to Federal Election Campaign Laws, we might have to stop the bidding at $999.99 to avoid having to form a political fundraising committee. This sale is on behalf of an individual Alan Keyes supporter but not affiliated directly with the Keyes' campaign."

Time to reconsider your hash bar / toe licking vacation plans



"AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) - Toe-licking could become a criminal offense in the Netherlands after a man who licked the toes of several women was released by police without charges.

"The toe-licker, whose name was not released, was arrested in Rotterdam earlier this week after a woman who had been sunbathing said he unexpectedly licked her bare foot.

"Other women had also complained, and the 35-year-old man has reportedly been pursuing his fetish for years, but prosecutors in Rotterdam said they are powerless to stop him."

I almost bought this in a Hallmark earlier today. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that my $22 would be lining the pockets of some person or cause that is truly detestable. I don't know exactly who's profiting on this, but you just know they can't be up to any good.

Romanian tourist industry faces a crisis:
"Uniform tan" argument no longer acceptable for topless geriatrics

"Police in Romania want a ban on women over 60 going topless on a stretch of beach because they claim it's 'ugly' and likely to deter tourists.

"Police in Constanta county, which is home to one of the Black Sea's top stretches of beach, says they've had scores of complaints about topless older women.

"Police chief Victor Popescu said: 'Going topless has its age limit and old women going topless should understand this.'

"Policeman patrolling the beach have admitted they are often sickened by the sight of elderly women stripping off in the sun.

"Officer Ionut Popescu who patrols the beach in Eforie Nord resort in Constanta said: 'It's always a pleasure to see a young woman, who also has to be beautiful of course, topless on the beach.

'But the irony is it that there are more old women going topless. I find it sometimes quite repulsive. I can understand the idea of wanting to get a uniform tan, but old women should simply give up on it.'"

I have new respect for Roger Ebert after learning that he is in the 30% minority of reviewers who thought Napoleon Dynamite was a big flaming pile of dog doo. The movie ought to be titled "Napoleon Dynamite: No Joke is Too Obvious." I think one reviewer summed it up nicely with: "Lots of laughs for those who enjoy [sic] sight of bottom dwellers doing stupid things." My friend, Adam, commented that it's like a long advertisement for hate crimes. In the words of Napoleon himself, "This is pretty much the worst video ever made."

Spamusement! Poorly drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines.

Homeland Security

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

In case you were wondering what the deciding factor in the election will be, look no farther than our dear friends the Amish. The first candidate to decipher this statement wins:

"You could hold up a dead mouse with a sign 'I love Bush' and we'd still probably think twice about stomping that mouse underfoot."

I find The Sneeze hilarious. Check out this review of "IronJaw."

Maddox sums up the new "I, Robot" movie with one image:

Link via HitandRun which no doubt borrowed it from someone else.

Mmm... pie.

This is a nice bit of animation. Radiohead's Creep (acoustic)

Am I Supersized?

"'We're living in the middle of a witch hunt and fat people are the witches [and the people who don't like fat people are the witch hunters who hunt the witches, who are the fat people],' said Marilyn Wann of San Francisco, a militant member of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance [NAAFA]."

Upon visiting the NAAFA wesbite after reading the above story, I couldn't help but notice the lively discussion board, where debates are underway on such topics as heat rash cures, getting onto jet skis, and just exactly who can claim to be supersized:

"I need some help with the definition of supersized as noted on the sigs statement.
It says that this sig is for folks over size 48. My question is what is a size 48? I am not trying to be a smart a** and I'm sad to sound so stupid but I can't find a sizing chart that has that size on it so I just want to know."

Apparently, my internet addiction is entirely genetic. I have the excuse, now I just need something to get out of...

"Putting the 'F' Back in Freedom"
The trailer for Team America: World Police